And it's gluten free too!

Uncle Joe is popular in the clubs, but not so much at family gatherings.

Santa Doesn't Live Here Anymore

The challenging economy, a**holes, motherf***ers, moody clients, rodents and childish employees. The past year has been rough. It’s inspired forlorn days of old when life was easier.

I remember the sound of laughter. The world gave us hope and we helped the poor, lost children who only had decay as their toy. Imagine my joy when the opportunity to revisit my childhood appeared in the form of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. You know Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer don’t you? The long-running stop motion animation Christmas television special that first aired in 1964 on NBC? The one invented by Montgomery Ward ad men to fill the growing void of children’s holiday viewing? Yes, that’s the one.

A much needed boost was in order for the soul of the growing cynicism inside the Media Guy. What better than Santa and Rudolph to cheer a half-empty spirit? So following the sage advice of Sam the Snowman I pulled up an ice block and lent an ear.

So after 47 minutes of this beloved classic I just have to say, what the hell happened to the Santa Claus who used to warm the season? Seriously, as an adult pulling back the curtain to witness all of those behind the scenes Santa moments was absolutely terrifying.

Before I get to the main problem—namely Santa’s a complete douchebag here—there are so many other issues. Starting with the reindeer mocking [that seems outlandishly harsh by today’s PC standards], continuing with the out-of-place homosexual undercurrent of Hermey the Elf’s story [“I want to be a dentist.”] and finishing with the fascist Foreman Elf [who tells Hermey “You'll never fit in! Now you come to elf practice, learn how to wiggle your ears, chuckle warmly, go hee-hee and ho-ho, and important stuff like that.”]. This is definitely not chicken soup for the soul.

Meanwhile, back to Bad Santa in the Elves Workshop. “Well, let’s get this over with,” he says to the little darlings as they try to sing the tune they wrote for him. A song coincidently about how they’re “his” elves. Instead of being a leader and embracing “his” elves, he’s defiant, uninterested and edgy while they’re giving it their all. Was it that much to fake a smile when these diminutive slave-toymakers are singing songs about how happy they are that you’re their master?

Wait, it gets worse…

...when the song is over and Mrs. Claus has the common courtesy to applaud them, Santa grimaces saying “Well, it needs work. I gotta go.” I’m still irritated at good ole Saint Nick for declaring “that silly elf song is driving me crazy” while he’s stuffing his face. Dude, no one’s forcing you to channel Ché Guevara here, but get real.

"How can I eat? That silly elf song is driving me crazy."

Later on at the reindeer games, Rudolph is kicking some caribou butt. He’s doing it all while all the other young bucks are faceplanting in the winter wonderland. Here Santa starts off supportive, commending Rudolph, until the moment of truth: the red nose is exposed. After watching Rudolph get ridiculed by his “friends”, Machiavellian Santa gives it to Rudolph’s father Donner “…you ought to be ashamed of yourself…what a pity…he had a nice takeoff, too…” which leads to Comet the Coach declaring “From now on, we’re not going to let Rudolph join in any reindeer games…” Yes Virginia, Santa is a bigot.

All of this unhinged me. It had to be sorted out during my workout, which led to a virtual cornucopia of introspection:

1. Why is Clarice alarmingly hot? Not only does she have impressive forward thinking when it comes to Rudolph’s “shortcomings”, but she’s also got the best four-legged eyelashes in the history of stop animation.

2. What’s the deal with the tall elf? Is he a toy engineer? Did he intern at FAO Schwartz or Mattel? Why is he tall? Why isn’t Machiavelli Santa engineering a Tall Elf beat down by Fascist Foreman Elf?

3. The doll on the Island of Misfits; why is she there? She looks fine, but she had to be there for a reason. I’m guessing she’s a distant cousin to Frances Farmer awaiting some botched lobotomy. However you slice it, she needs more professional help other than what King Moon Racer has to offer.

4. Back to Clarice…is she an orphan? When Rudolph pulls his hobo act, Mr. and Mrs. Donner hit the snow trail looking for him, but when Clarice vanishes, we don’t even get the prerequisite parental phone call to the FBI. Are her parents on misfit island too and that’s why she understands Rudolph so well? 40 years of watching this and no answer to the Clarice dilemma.

5. Finally, why does Rudolph agree to guide Santa’s sleigh? Rudolph must really be something special, because when you are treated that way I’m guessing you are fantasizing about delivering a swift hoof to Santa’s marbles and not deliver presents. Really, there’s a serious storm out there. After all if you crash in the remote mountainous border between Argentina and Chile, Santa’s going buffet style on you to survive.

At the end of my workout, I didn’t get the answers I wanted. I have an eerie feeling that Santa’s a front runner and only happy when things are going his way. Maybe he has a chemical disorder. He’s probably bipolar. At the very least he’s exploiting the elves and Rudolph and itching to cancel Christmas because of some weather issues.

My Christmas wish is that the Fred Astaire version of Kris Kringle in “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” is treated kinder by time. And yes, my glass of soul is still half full.

To sum it all up:

UPDATE: December 6, 2018
Anti-Bullying from Inside Edition:

Although this report came eight years after my original post, the mainstream media is picking up on my message:

Inside Edition
Published on Dec 1, 2018
Many grew up loving “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” but now the holiday classic is at the center of a political correctness battle. “RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer teaching kids since 1964 that your peers will only accept your differences if you can provide them with some kind of service,” went one tweet. The 1964 movie was viewed by 8.14 million viewers when it aired on CBS this week. The HuffPost shared a video highlighting some of the gripes, calling the classic “seriously problematic.”

Tourism, Socialism and Insomnia Hell

Welcome from South Beach.

Not really sure how long this morning's column will end up being. I'm supposed to be asleep right now, since it's three in the morning and I'm in a hotel room in Miami, where I'm getting up to go on a supplier diversity conference tomorrow that will occupy my whole day. Insomnia's got me worried that the conference is going to be a nightmare, and so I figure if I'm awake, I might as well use this time in the wee small hours to report on the latest Media Guy Struggles and we'll see how much stuff I end up getting to.

Traveling is tough on the body…but good for the soul. You see things you wouldn’t normally see, taste food you wouldn’t normally order and meet people who are otherwise tucked into their office with their phones on perpetual “do not disturb.”

I rose to do a little workout and some yoga. After spending 18 of 27 days on the road trekking through Damascus, Rome, Washington D.C. and Miami you have to set your mood and get back on the workout trail. Butter-laden foods and heavy carbs could set you back pretty quickly. Everyone is fond of the slimmer, sleeker Media Guy so now it’s an obligation to keep going. 19 pounds to go.

Meanwhile work beckons and that means the usual suspects masquerading as experts. People always have trouble creating intelligent tourism campaigns and when there’s a committee, it is worse. So there I was kicking around tourism slogans for a country we just signed and everyone was lost in the whole socialistic “everyone gets a vote” method of copywriting. Of course my mind wandered about as if it were on a walk through the Outback of Australia on a mission to identify the worst tourism slogans.

I once visited Indonesia and saw a enormous billboard in bright lights on a rooftop: “VISIT JAKARTA”. The sign was in Jakarta, so everyone who saw it had either (a) already complied, or (b) already lived there. Well done, guys.

Another tourism faux pas was made by New Zealand. Their slogan? “100 Percent Pure New Zealand.” Couldn’t Satan use the same line?: “Hell. 100 Percent Pure Hell.”

Another hellish slogan was “Come to Bangladesh before the tourists.” That sounds like a warning, “When you get here you won’t find any other visitors and you’ll think. “Uh-oh. Why am I the only person here? What do they know that I don’t?”

Spain’s Andalucía has a slogan: “Andalucía. There’s only one.” This is short and sweet, but it what does it tell you? It could apply to virtually anywhere. Watch how it works:

“Tehachapi. There’s only one.”
“The Bronx Landfill. There’s only one.”
“My Warped Mind. There’s only one.”

Catch my drift?

Israel: Size doesn’t matter! Oh yes, watch this one. It's a classic.

In Hong Kong, the tourism board once used “Hong Kong will take your breath away.” That was great until scientists discovered that it was true. There was so much air-pollution that residents had to go to neighboring Macau each time they wanted to take a deep breath without choking.

My Indonesia: Just a Smile Away. If only a smile was all it took to travel overseas.

Back to reality, the team is in full gear. Some good ideas and some clunkers. We engage in real life within the tourism industry, after all, places are not places. They are “destinations.” When tourism becomes important enough in an area, public and private interests team up to form a destination marketing organization and hire an ad agency, like us. We’re responsible for the entire “branding” of the destination, and the slogan is just a part of the overall marketing campaign. But it’s the key cog in the machine.

Take the U.S. The longevity of a tourism slogan is short. As a matter of fact over a 21 year period, only six of the 50 State slogans remain in use.

So, back to the brainstorming. I urge the team not to be lazy, as in “Utah Lazy.” Their idea of a good slogan is adding an exclamation point. “Utah!” was the obvious choice here. Yes, a freaking exclamation point was the height of their creativity (!!). It must be working because they’ve stuck with it for 17 years.

In British Columbia they can’t make up their minds at all. Right before the last Olympics what used to be sweet and simple, “Beautiful BC” transformed into “BC: The Best Place on Earth” . Who says Canadians are humble? At least they left out the exclamation point.

“We should have some vision,” I explained. Unlike Panama’s famous slogan, “Panama. It will never leave you” which is reminiscent of childhood trauma and STDs. Speaking of which, how about Albania’s “A New Mediterranean Love”? Sounds a bit promiscuous, no?

In the middle of my mini Prof. Media Guy lecture a slogan flew into my head much in the same manner “Hey Soul Sister” by Train camps out in your mind all day like a Cuba squatter: “Colombia – the only risk is wanting to stay.” It took 45 minutes to get that out of my head.

And with that, I need to finish this egg-white omelet, cram in a workout and take a shower before heading out to conference and network the hell out of the day.

“Conference Networking. 100 Percent Pure Hell.” Hmmmm, not bad…

Washington DC: Pulitzer Prize Photographs Gallery

Hands down the most engaging museum in the country for anyone who loves the media. The Newseum offers a unique perspective on U.S. and world history...all through the eyes of the media. From the TV Studio to Meet the Press host Tim Russert's office to the 9/11 exhibit, there are almost too many things to check out. The exhibit that moved me most is the Pulitzer photo gallery featuring the most comprehensive collection of Pulitzer Prize-winning photographs ever assembled as well as interviews with many of the photographers.

Some of the photographs have become icons of their time: Marines raising Old Glory on Iwo Jima, the joyful reunion of a returning prisoner of war and his family, a firefighter cradling an injured infant after the Oklahoma City bombing. Those and other images record the defining moments of our world and time.

See the clip as Ron Edmonds of the Associated Press talks about the assassination attempt on President Reagan.

MGS Cuisine: SKORTHOSTOUBI aka Eggplant with Garlic

This is a favorite dish; great for all seasons and special occasions.

3-4 big eggplants, sliced 1/8 inch thick

3-4 tomatoes, sliced 1/8 inch thick

4 cups olive oil for frying, or for baking, enough oil to sprinkle the slices.

Sauce (recipe below)

Salt and pepper

Water as needed

2 teaspoons vinegar

Feta cheese for topping

Sauce

8-10 garlic cloves, crushed

1⁄2 cup Greek extra virgin olive oil

5 fresh tomatoes, peeled, seeded and crushed

1⁄2 cup water

Salt and pepper

In small pot, sauté garlic in oil, add tomatoes and water. Let it simmer for 5 minutes or until sauce is thickened. In a separate pan, fry thinly sliced eggplant (or bake them in oven about 20 minutes) and drain them for an hour.

In a big skillet, alternate layers of sliced eggplant with layers of sauce and tomatoes. End with sauce layer and add salt and pepper. Let cook on stove until tender, adding a little water if needed. Add vinegar and remove it from heat.

Sprinkle with crumbled feta cheese and serve.

Ethics

Lately, I’m traveling different.

I used to roll in some jeans and comfy shoes. Kind of a grunge-under-the radar-look that really doesn’t sit well if you are labeling yourself the “Media Guy.” Now I rock in all black with Armani slacks and a pin stripe Hugo Boss blazer with a purple scarf that doubles as a pocket square.

I’m no James Bond, but the new look, slimmer, sleeker Media Guy now fits the bill. Score another for the new workout regime.

So there I was in the desolate Aleppo Airport at 11p. Six journalistic souls in a foreign land hoping for a quick entry stamp in their passports and a metaphorical journey into the unknown. They were looking for a center. I mean as much as I love travel, the Middle East and Syria, all this airport was missing was the Green Acres theme music and a goat randomly searching for a meal near baggage claim.

I didn’t know any of these writers prior to reaching Syria. They were simply blurry faces on bad copies of passports that were coupled with flashy bios of past successes. I must have stood out because each found me and wondered aloud if I was ready to lead them past the Immigration folks. After a quick discussion of the pocket scarf and a quick comedy show I had collected passports and forms and started my visa negotiations. Credit the new Media Guy Look again for opening doors that would have been otherwise closed with the old grunge ensemble.

I’ve done this many times before. You know, the tap dance to get everyone into the country without issue. This one was especially easy because every question from the officials sounded like a warped overhead speaker announcement. I understood nothing they were saying except “Yes Mr. Michael.” With each approval my mind drifted back to more pressing issues.

Ethics are on my mind lately. The lines of ethics are getting more blurry every day. People poking their noses in other clients’ business and other levels of untrustworthiness, spying (and the related) creates this big soap opera.

I see the lines between work and real life getting more blurry and confusing; everyone’s running back and forth across the line so much that their footprints are obscuring it even more. I see that no one knows the meaning of a Chinese Wall.

Most people don’t know its technical correct meaning: The ethical barrier between companies that protects client confidentiality. Setting appropriate boundaries so that the same people can have business and personal relationships without damaging either.

I don’t see people honoring the sex Chinese Walls either. Don’t fish in the company pond or the more direct don’t f#*k where you work. Seems fine when you are young until you get caught.

I also see a lot of people blurring the mantra of “There’s life, and there’s work.” The two are different and you forget that to your peril. Maybe the “end of the world” hyperbole can remind us that it’s not the end of the world at all, it’s the potential end of a business in a booming industry and a great job market. Too bad the job market is so poor and we can’t just say “It’s just business.”

Regardless of where the walls are crumbling, I know that truth and transparency eliminates most ethics gaps. But there has never really been a line for most people. Work and family and love and sex and career have always been far too intermingled for most. Maybe that’s part of my problem since I have always been able to compartmentalize life’s segments. Others can’t and won’t.

Perhaps if I did a few more downward dogs or crammed in a workout before having to jump into Media Guy role I wouldn’t be thinking so much.

Some deep breaths might do the trick; and sometimes that’s all that matters.

Downward Dog

So I’m told that I have control over my vibe, and goodness knows sometimes my vibe is rather off. At the office I have to say I have an edge. Away from it people think I am pretty pleasant. I keep that vibe going by hiding my dark side with a smile or just keeping my mouth closed and my eyes dancing.

The vibe is hard to control sometimes, especially when you’re test driving a new secret identity. A few of my buddies joke I am the walking evolution of me. Sometimes I’m Michael. Sometimes I’m Jack. Different rules for different circumstances.

Now as I test drive the Media Guy fitness routine, I realize there’s something I really like about working out. It's one of those ultimate do-it-yourself activities. It's like painting a room or fixing a chair; if you can do it yourself, you get a great sense of satisfaction from the experience. What better than to fix yourself? Plus, my mind wanders through a series of non sequiturs.

Today I found myself doing yoga. Because, you know, women think it's cool, and I might as well do yoga because so many women in my demographic like to strike tree poses. So there I was channeling my inner downward dog, when all my randomness led to enlightenment.

I recall while in my aforementioned “regretful bout with alcohol and barbeque” my last package of Pepperidge Farm Nantucket cookies something was amiss. The cookies are half the size they used to be. I’m glad those aren’t on my menu anymore. Bananas and apples are the snack of the day. Speaking of which, unless you have a lunch meeting, why doesn’t everyone bring a meal to work?

Our people in accounting buy food at least once a day. They spend up to $15 a day on takeout. At the end of the year, that's more than $3,500 to feed their faces at work. My salads and light carb sandwiches probably cost me less than half of that.

As I sink into my downward dog, I recall Susanna from the switchboard quoting me Milton (in what can only be described as a surreal waste of five minutes):

Mammon, the least erected spirit that fell
From heaven; for even in heaven his looks and thoughts
Were always downward bent, admiring more
The riches of heaven's pavement, trodden gold,
Than ought divine or holy else enjoyed
In vision beatific.


Milton's brilliance here is evident in his imaginative personification of this human desire. In the heavenly realm, before the Fall, where sin was not even a glint in the eye of the (subsequently) most rebellious spirit, even Mammon was a bit too pre-occupied with the gold underfoot ("trodden" means "beaten") than the glories celestial. Yet I digress.

As the endorphins rush, my mind bends and twists. I am Jane Goodall's Tanzanian monkeys typing about bananas. My fingers are Santa's little helpers. My hope is a sporadic rainfall, yet a torrential downpour in all creative environments. I am Theseus, unspooling golden yarn. Sisyphus, sweating uphill. Charles Bukowski, scribbling away in rooming houses. A river always flowing. I am the nightmare of stagnancy and the messenger of imagination.

Who needs that secret identity? I am the Media Guy.

Every good Media Guy is ingrained with pages 9 and 10 of Vonnegut’s Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction where he lists the eight rules for writing a short story:


1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible, as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.


I could go on, yet I recall Vern saying that when you emphasize physical fitness you improve mental focus and reduce anxiety. After all, this is what drives my cool vibe. Mental focus. This focus drives the Media Guy.

Which leads me to wonder why my path to being the slimmer, sleeker Media Guy heeded the downward dog advice of trying the downward dog from a good friend who had just consumed an entire bottle of South African red.

En Fuego!

So there I was. The dreaded networking event. I’ve said it before that I’m not a command-the-room-kind-of-guy. I’m definitely the get-to-know-you-kind-of-guy. I like to sit down with you and have a drink and bond with you in a beneath-the-surface conversation. Anyway there I was and guess what? I was on fire; en fuego; I couldn’t be stopped. To my tipsy surprise, I mingled and networked like I never have before. Maybe it was the Mad Men-esque Old Fashioned I slipped into, or maybe it was the contemporary grind and ascension mode I’m test driving. Whatever it was, tonight I was ON!

Okay kiddies, grab a cappuccino and sober up…have I got news for you! In the highly anticipated NBA supplier bash, there was much merriment and one very jawdropping incident. As the business glitterati assembled at a Downtown Los Angeles the mood was festive. The usual suspects were there. The mayor, council members, business wanna-bees and D-list celebrities. As people snatched their mini NBA signature gift bags replete with basketball textured notebooks, I literally bumped into Susan (last name deleted to protect the slightly innocent) a teacher’s assistant whom I had longingly stalked since my days at UCLA’s Anderson School of Business. She’s now a bigwig at a (company name deleted until I get the account) mutual fund broker.

Maybe I’m just being romantic in my description, but she’s got this elegant, yet quietly wild look going for her. Clad with a Hermes (hey that’s Hermes with an “M”) bag and big Jackie O scarf she’s got this “I’m the woman who has it all” signature look down pat. She’s stunning. Really, if Grace Kelly and Gregory Peck were to have a love child the result would be this woman. I felt like I needed to find a bartender and channel my inner Don Draper.

Then it happened.

After exchanging pleasantries, she noted something was different. The modified goatee? The new impeccably tailored sport coat? “Nah,” I told her. “I got back in touch with Mr. Workout.”

That’s when the Old Fashioned kicked in and carried me towards Zen. I recalled my pep-talk from a workout mentor, Vern Jeffery…”You’ve reallocated your priorities Michael. That shift has rippling consequences and it impacts every aspect of your life including your physical health. You watch, once you like how you appear in the mirror, you’ll be rolling forward in your personal and professional life.”

As the haze lifted a bit, she handed me her card and said “I’ll set up a meeting with the marketing director.”

Now the slimmer, sleeker Media Guy is evolving with my new workout regimen. How did I get to that point 30 pounds ago?

I recently emerged from what only could be defined as a “regretful bout with alcohol and barbeque” I ate and drank stress away while wobbling in my Ferragamos. To the utter gasp of friends and colleagues (and the delight of Arrogant Bob in accounting) I was a mess.

With a new balance and the proper stacking of priorities, the Media Guy being en fuego isn’t the shocking experience it was in March when I needed a new secret identity.

“It might be political suicide, but it’s the right thing to do” - Michael Lloyd

Arab Media: Ground Zero Mosque Debate a Test for Obama

President Obama said Saturday that Muslims have the right to build a mosque near New York's Ground Zero, but he declined to say whether he thinks it’s a good idea. The carefully calibrated remarks expanded on a speech he gave Friday at the White House, affirming that Muslims have the same right to freedom of religion as everyone else in America.

Was the president too careful? Or did he go too far, placing himself at the center of a controversy just three months before midterm elections that could shift the balance of power in Congress? Editors of some of the country’s leading Arab media outlets weigh in.

“He is out there by himself”
Ahmed Tharwat, producer, BalAhdan TV, Minneapolis, Minn.
What he’s supporting is the American principle of religious freedom. People are still disappointed from his Cairo speech—the honeymoon is over and we want to see customs and policies change. It is still refreshing to see an American president support Muslims, but Islamophobia is deeply rooted, and an opinion will not change that. I’m just surprised that most liberal Democrats did not reiterate their support for Obama—he is out there by himself. The truth is that this [mosque] initiative is all positive, and it’s been reframed as very negative and disturbing. This has become mainstream, patriotic Islamophobia. The right wing has been feeding into fear-mongering and the left wing has been quiet.

“We are now the new boogeyman”
Warren David, president, ArabDetroit.com, Dearborn, Mich.
Obama’s approval rating with the Arab community was at 60 percent after the Cairo speech, according to an ArabDetroit.com poll. Now 60 percent disapprove and 20 percent somewhat approve. I’m with that 60 percent. I sent my daughter to work for him. My wife and I knocked door to door to gain support for his campaign. I believe that you say what you mean and mean what you say. Some believe he should not be making statements in support [of a mosque], but he should be. Religious freedom is what our country was founded upon, and it’s the president’s role to address that. Coverage on this has been a circus of sorts. Everyone is with the 9/11 families, and we’re very upset with those who caused 9/11, but we are now the new boogeyman. This has brought out so much hatred. This is a time when we should be pulling together, not pulling apart.

“He was adhering to the U.S. Constitution”
Fatima Atieh, publisher, Al Enetshar Al Arabi, Los Angeles, Calif.
When Obama said that everyone has their right to religious freedom, I wasn’t surprised at all. I knew that he was adhering to the U.S. Constitution. This is part of the First Amendment, and he was reaffirming that— he didn’t add anything further. Even though he did make that statement, I believe that nothing will change the minds of those who believe and follow the negative hype. The stereotypes are too deep-seated.

“It might be political suicide, but it’s the right thing to do”
Michael Lloyd, editor in chief, ALO Magazine, Northridge, Calif.
America is supposed to be founded on religious freedom, and this seems to be coming full circle. Obama has been very supportive of the Arab community, and any backtracking he does will affect a smaller but very vocal constituency. I applaud that he made a statement, and I appreciate that he is trying to connect everyone, but he’s got to push his agenda of equality. It might be political suicide, but it’s the right thing to do. It's unfair that anything that champions causes for Arab or Middle Eastern communities is taboo. Ninety-nine point nine percent of Middle Easterners want to practice their religion in a peaceful way and that’s what the mainstream is missing. If we’re not going to defend what our country was built on, we’re just going to be a warmongering nation.

“This will have a lasting impact”
Marwan Ahmed, publisher, Arab Voice and Muslim Voice, Phoenix, Ariz.
Obama’s remarks regarding the Islamic Center project in New York City are welcome. For President Obama to make these remarks close to election time is a sign of conviction. He could have mellowed down the issue or avoided it all together. Even though 60 percent of Americans are not in favor of the building of this Islamic center, he expressed his support for the project. This will have a lasting impact on how the Arab and Muslim community perceive this administration’s stand on freedom of religion and the rights of Muslims in this country. This is a good step toward putting words into actions for the Obama administration.


Excerpted from New American Media (www.newamericanmedia.org)

What does a Flight Attendant do with a Passenger that says "go f--k yourself?"

A flight attendant ran out of patience on a plane that just landed at JFK on Monday afternoon, so he allegedly cursed a blue streak over the p.a. system, grabbed some beers, pulled the emergency chute, slid down and ran from the plane, sources said.

Jet Blue employee Steven Slater, 38, was working on Flight 1052 from Pittsburgh to Kennedy Airport, which landed at around 12 p.m., when he got into a verbal altercation with a passenger, law-enforcement sources said.

Following a heated exchange, the flight attendant told off the entire plane on the public address system, activated an emergency chute near the back of the plane and jumped down the evacuation slide and ran for it.

The argument began when one of the 100 passengers on the flight, got up early to get her luggage from an overhead compartment, according to sources. Slater told the passenger to sit back down -- but, as he approached, the woman continued to pull her belongings down and struck him in the head with her bag, authorities said.

Slater asked for an apology but the woman cursed him out, saying in effect "go f--k yourself" and calling him a "mo-fo," according to law enforcement sources who are still sorting out the specifics. Then Slater got on the flight's announcement system and allegedly cursed out everyone on the plane -- especially the person who mouthed off to him, according to law enforcement sources.

When his tirade was through, he then took a some beers from the galley and pulled the emergency chute and slid off the Embraer 190 plane. According to police sources, he threw his luggage down first and said something to the effect of "there goes 28 years," before he took the plunge.
After getting down the slide, Slater took off into the terminal, law-enforcement sources said.

Slater was later arrested at his home in Belle Harbor, Queens by Port Authority officials. He was found by police in a sexual embrace with his partner, sources said.

The steward was "having a bad day," sources said.

He is being charged with 2nd-and 4th-degree criminal mischief, 1st- and 2nd-degree reckless endangerment and criminal trespass in the 3rd degree, according to a spokeswoman for Queens DA Richard Brown. Slater faces up to 7 years in prison if convicted.

No one was injured in the incident. JetBlue, in a statement, added, "At no time was the security or safety of our customers or crewmembers at risk."

Elevator Speech

So there you are...at a conference. It's all about networking. Remember the earlier A.B.C. blog (A = Always B = Be C = Closing)? Someone initiates conversation (isn't that nice for once?!), noticed your name tag and asks, "What do you guys do?"

What's your answer? You better come back with something special or ABC is out the window.

For most business owners, getting to the crux of what they really do is the hardest, yet potentially most rewarding, one-minute conversation they will ever have. In that shortest of time spans, potential customers, vendors, and employees will make a complete assessment, deciding then and there if your company, products or services are worth pursuing.

Why? Because it's all the time they have to open windows and doors of opportunity. Make it count and avoid the traps. Here's a couple to avoid:

Trap #1 The Sweeping Generality

A typical sweeping generality goes something likes this... "We're into enterprise management consulting". The response? (pick one):

-Unintentional fainting.
-Look down at watch.
-Leave with a nice 'don't call me' parting of the ways.

Solution: Add some ummmph! While coordinating a business conference in Dubai a few years back, I heard an ABC expert describe her work in the philanthropic field, setting up foundations and putting together partnerships. When I asked her specifically what she did, she simply smiled and replied "I make miracles happen."

Bottom line? I love miracles!

You can bet I followed up and keep in touch with her as she worked toward making a difference in the world. Her work was varied, but her moniker was consistent...MIRACLES.

Trap #2: The Kitchen Sink

The most common trap is to try and list everything you do. The proverbial kitchen sink..."We sell, service and maintain new and used mechanical parts and fittings for the plant automation industry."

The reply? "Thank you...nice to meet you!"

Solution: Like everything else in branding, your elevator speech should convey the essence of what you do, not just a descriptive phrase. It should stress the benefits of what you do, not the features, i.e., "selling the sizzle, not the steak".

In short, look for the solution or benefits your products and services provide. A great elevator speech might have gone something like "we keep the world's factories running efficiently." Once you get the "how do you do that?", you can roll forward with a condensed kitchen sink conversation.

Moving Forward

Make it a goal this week to develop a one to two sentence statement that sums up the benefits of what you offer. Avoid dry, purely descriptive statements and go for the "Wow!" factor.

Or just call me at and I can help.

Media Portraits: The Messenger

Mandy Rusillo

For Mandy Rusillo, the pulsating traffic delivers prospect. The shadow of a pedestrian often means danger. And the snap of a car door opening in front of her can mean suicide.

Rusillo, who works as a Chicagoland messenger, is one of the thousands of bicycle messengers in Chicago who navigate the labyrinth of vehicles and businesspeople who create the maze she conquers everyday.

''When you see me swerving and ducking, it's got nothing to do with being fancy or showing off,'' she said. ''I’m the fastest there is and a lot nicer than those ‘joes’ in Manhattan.''

World Portraits: Sultanate of Oman

Here I am, rocked you like a hurricane
Here I am, rocked you like a hurricane

My body is burning
It starts to shout
Desire is coming
It breaks out loud
Lust is in cages
Till storm breaks loose
Just have to make it
With someone I choose
The night is calling
I have to go
The wolf is hungry
He runs the show
He’s licking his lips
He’s ready to win
On the hunt tonight
For love at first sting

Airline food horror: roaches, flies, bacteria found in catering kitchens that make most plane meals

If you thought airline food was bad, prepare yourself: it just got a whole lot worse.

Inspectors for the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) discovered live roaches, dead roach carcasses "too numerous to count", ants, flies, debris, bacteria, and employees preparing food with their bare hands in numerous catering facilities responsible for preparing a huge chunk of the country's airline meals, USA Today reported.

The stomach-turning inspections were conducted over the last two years at the U.S. facilities of two of the world's biggest airline caterers, LSG Sky Chefs and Gate Gourmet, and another large caterer, Flying Food Group.

Combined, the three companies provide more than 100 million meals every year at U.S. airports, serving major carriers like Delta, American, United, US Airways and Continental.

Sickening details from the reports, obtained by USA Today through the Freedom of Information Act, include countless occasions when food prepared for airline meals was exposed to contamination.

In a 2009 inspection of an LSG Sky Chefs' facility in Minneapolis, an FDA inspector "spotted a mouse, rodent nesting materials and rodent feces under a pallet of food and in other areas."

A Connecticut facility of LSG Sky Chef's was issued a warning letter for fish meals "prepared, packed or held under insanitary conditions" that may be "injurious to health." The FDA cited concerns that the food could cause botulism, caused by extremely poisonous toxins.

Gate Gourmet was slapped with a warning letter in April 2005 when FDA inspectors found cockroaches and fruit flies in its Honolulu facility, food stored at the wrong temperatures, mold in a refrigerator and "a pink, slimy substance" dripping on kitchen machinery.

Prior to the warning, between 47 and 116 passengers had fallen ill after eating food on 12 flights from Hawaii catered by Gate Gourmet, according to the Hawaii State Department of Health.

Gate Gourmet Vice President Norbert van den Berg says the company has an excellent system to ensure safe food, and that his company's food-safety standards are better than any restaurant. "We can guarantee the safest product out there," he told USA Today.

Glenn Caulkins of Flying Food Group said his company also used an independent auditor to monitor its facilities, and a spokeswoman for LSG Sky Chefs told USA Today that it employs "comprehensive and multilayered quality-control standards...to ensure our customers receive safe, healthy and high-quality food."

(from Meena Hartenstein of the New York Daily News)

World Travels: The Inner Peace of Egypt

People from all walks of life are finding that "mental days" in Egypt are just the passport in improving life perspectives.

For some, the search for inner wellness starts in Giza.

The chants resonated from deep within the Pharaoh’s Chamber of the Great Pyramid of Giza: aaaaaa (a as in ah), eeeeeee (e as in eat), ooooooo (o as in oh), uuuuuuu (u as in blue), mmmmmmm (m as in room).

These eerie sounds alternately invited me and haunted me. They made me pensive, but at the same time I felt a strange desire to giggle. All the while they urged me forward, releasing my curiosity and untapped energy, so this chanting would not be wasted. The trip up to the innermost part of the pyramid was not like anything I had ever personally experienced. Mysterious. Dark. Laborious. The oxygen was sparse, or at least seemed that way, and the humidity was abnormally high. I stopped frequently to catch my breath.

            aaaaaaaa, eeeeeee, ooooooo, uuuuuuu, mmmmmmm.

Still ever present, the chants kept pulling me toward them.

After reaching the top and crawling through the two cramped passages, you reach the chamber built for the Pharaoh Khufu (2,589-2,566 B.C., of the 4th Dynasty).

From the sounds that came from there, I expected to find something like a hippie sit-in, protesting some government gaff, but I found something entirely different. A well dressed, raven-haired woman had positioned herself directly in the Pharaoh’s pitted granite sarcophagus, legs folded Indian-style, totally absorbed in her spiritual path. Flanking her were a half dozen or so spiritual companions locked into similar behavior in the musty, high energy room.

I would come to learn that the raven-haired beauty is Susan Parmet, on a personal mission to find inner peace. Her journey this year brought her to Egypt in a quest to connect with the teachings and training of the priests in Pharaonic Egypt. Each year she picks a new destination. “Mental days” is what she calls her trek for self-enlightenment. The year 2008 called her to arrive at the pyramids to bond with the spiritual energy that many Western visitors to Egypt believe is exclusive to this region.

Parmet is a fascinating example of the soul’s search for a positive path. In between chants, there had been pauses of silence. “Abiding in silence is the key to altering the consciousness and energy of body and mind and to move them inward and upward,” she later explained in the hazy light of day outside the pyramid. “The silence allows the endorphins released by the chant to let you feel the strange but wonderful yang-yin relationship of the sounding (yang) and the silence (yin).

“As you move the sound with your imagination or mind’s eye, you move the energy of the body up with it until your brain is greatly stimulated and the frontal lobe and forehead are tingling. Feel this happening. See it. Imagine it. Know it is happening,” she said.

Pretty high tech soul searching, but one gaining recognition and support for those in need of mental days to improve life perspectives.

Many celebrities are traveling down this New Age path these days. Last year, Grammy winning singer Alicia Keys dropped everything to get to Egypt to find musical inspiration while she was struggling with her new album. Traveling alone through Egypt, she found her motivation at the Great Pyramid.  “I’m thinking here is this structure that’s been standing for thousands of years, no magic tricks, no cranes, just mind, will and hands. I had a profound realization that with my mind and my hands I could create something that could last forever.”

Filled with enthusiasm, she fast tracked back to the studio and completed her album, which is already being hailed as her best work since her debut.

That thinking works fine for the celebrities known for unorthodox antics and spur of the moment action, but what of someone like Parmet, a respected Dallas attorney who never took a sick day or a vacation day for 10 years before 2006. “Life is stressful,” she says. “You have to find your place in the world. Some people go to church or a mosque. Others go to Las Vegas and gamble. I travel the world in search of the magical connection. Whether I make that connection or not, I’ve rewarded myself with incredible memories and time away for a life well done.”

To an outsider, the travelers in search of inner peace look like any other tourists who would come from around the world to see one of the last great wonders of the ancients. A camera and comfortable shoes don’t begin to reveal the depths of their thinking and why they feel their global awakening begins—and ends—here in Giza. According to Parmet, the accumulated knowledge of Atlantis, Egypt, the Phoenicians and other ancients was said to have been placed on the site of the Great Pyramid.

Breaking from her chants, Parmet moved to readings from Thoth, the Egyptian god of the moon, magic and writing. Her voice became transformed as she read from Thoth’s “Emerald Tablets” and seemed to harness the energies needed not only to sum up her inner peace, but to enlighten all who might be listening:

List ye, O man, hear ye my voice,

teaching of Wisdom and Light in this cycle;

teaching ye how to banish the darkness,

teaching ye how to bring Light in thy life.

Seek ye, O man, to find the great pathway

that leads to eternal life as a sun.

Draw ye away from the veil of the darkness.

Seek to become a Light in the world.

Make of thyself a vessel for Light,

a focus for the Sun of this space.

Lift thou thine eyes to the Cosmos.

Lift thou thine eyes to the Light.

Speak in the words of the Dweller,

the chant that calls down the Light.

Sing thou the song of Freedom.

Sing thou the song of the Soul.

Create the high vibration that will

make thee one with the Whole.

Blend all thyself with the Cosmos.

Grow into One with the Light.

Be thou a channel of order,

a pathway of Law to the world.

I am told that reading these passages balances your breath, causing an altered state of consciousness. The goal is not chanting, but deep, stimulating oratory in which your body, mind and spirit feel high and receptive to new thinking and healings of the soul. Judging by those who were in the moment, it seemed to work quite well.

This was a far cry from the cult-like chant fest I had expected when I first heard those strange sounds in the pyramid. Instead, here was a group of new thinkers, open to augmented spirituality. One that would not override or infringe on their long practiced faiths. And these were not gullible fools, but people in their prime, like so many well educated members of spiritual tours, who tend to be doctors, engineers, business consultants or have other respected professions.

“Sure I get chuckles and finger pointing,” says Parmet. “That’s not a concern of mine. I am here on a different kind of adventure travel. Some people find their peace by climbing mountains and looking at the world below them or going to the spa and pampering themselves for a day. I climb inside pyramids and elevate my mind to improve myself.”

New Age tours are big business these days. Emad Al-Aziz, of Summit Tours in Egypt, reports that his trips for furthering understanding of spirituality and metaphysics have grown 70 percent in the past three years. His tours cover such marvels as Citadel, Al Abaster Mosque, Hanging Church, Bab Zuwela, Khan El Kalili bazaars, Giza Pyramids, Khufu Pyramid, Khafra Pyramid and the Great Sphinx.

The cosmological ideas of Egypt were long told through a series of myths and symbols which easily translate into metaphysical concepts,” Al-Aziz says. “Based on the interest in these kinds of trips and the fulfillment of our clients, we can only expect more growth in this type of travel around Egypt and the entire Middle East.”

There is a great belief among spiritual travelers that they derive much spirituality from great places on earth that were built for specific reasons known only to the most powerful people of their eras. As Parmet explains, “We know that the most intelligent engineers of the world built their great creations—the Taj Mahal, Eiffel Tower, Stonehenge—on the points where the most powerful energies existed. But we are taught that the pyramid is the ideal shape for this type of energy and power.”

The idea that a simple geometric shape or drawing could generate an energy field seems absurd at first. The nineteenth-century Scottish mathematician and physicist James Clerk Maxwell’s famed mathematical studies showed that luminiferous ether flowing into mass is the cause of gravity, magnetism, inertia and other fundamental forces, and if such, then it is deduced that certain geometry could disrupt the flow slightly to generate an energy field. The energies produced by the cone of the pyramid proved the cone to be the best collector of energy because that shape interacts better with ether.

As we spoke of energies and inertias, Parmet was eager to demonstrate how luminous and palpable they could be. She whipped out her camera and produced her evidence: pictures with brilliant loops of illumination, even though there wasn’t enough light in the chamber, which to her was proof positive that orb spirits were dancing in celebration to the chanting and the readings of Thoth.

“Living in Dallas pushes me so far from the center of New Age culture that I need to reconnect once a year,” she goes on. “It helps me escape the misery of seeing criminals parade in front of our justice system day after day. I sometimes imagine that if these wayward people could have found a way to connect with their inner world better, they would not have strayed from a balanced, focused and good life.”

Journey to the Center of the Pyramid
(Click image to enlarge)

The journey to the King’s Chamber (aka Pharaoh’s Chamber) is a claustrophobic one. Walking bent over through a long, 45-degree crawl space no more than four feet high and wide is no easy task.

An opening in the grand gallery allows you to stand and ascend carefully up a sharply inclined path lined with long wood planks.

After reaching the top of the grand gallery, you go on your knees through two three-foot-high passages to reach the Pharaoh’s Chamber at the center of the Great Pyramid.

Originally published in ALO magazine. Photographs and article by the Media Guy, that's me(!), Michael Lloyd.

World Travels: England and their Enchanting Nights

Friends on the search for an eatery to rest at after a day of full-on sightseeing

Arabian nights, culinary delights and good home cooking surround your taste buds in London.

Rain is usually the fastest way to mess up a vacation. In London it’s a way of life. Even in a downpour the locals walk in shorts and t-shirts and simply whip out a compact umbrella to hide from the rain—or not. Today, it’s a modest 73 degrees, and no rain can stop the search for authentic Middle Eastern fare, especially with a culinary tip in hand: Edgware Road.

As you find a chair in one of the dozens of restaurants on the southern stretch of the Edgware Road, you’re instantly shuttled away from the double decker buses and pomp and circumstance of London to the homey enclave of the Middle East. LBC (Lebanese Broadcasting Company) and Al-Jazeera argue via satellite on dueling televisions, mint tea replaces Earl Grey on the tables and the conversation is decidedly political. The covered waitress takes my falafel order (the menu is partly written in Arabic, partly in broken English), and a man at the next table starts a conversation with me through a thick cloud of smoke from his hookah. You want to check outside to make sure you are still in jolly ol’ England.

When the waitress tells me to keep the news of hookah smoking under wraps due to the impending smoking ban, I remember, of course, I am still in London. Still, something about Al Tanoor—a makeshift sidewalk café—is so very like those in Cairo or Beirut that it tricks the mind and the spirit.

Before arriving in London, I had heard about this city’s Middle Eastern London quarter. Some called it “Little Lebanon,” and others “Awesome Arabia.” And it does have a little of everything for those seeking Arabia—lots of traffic, eateries and even a barber for “Authentic Arabian Shaves.”

Edgware is definitely a melting pot, with customers and vendors hailing from all corners of the world, including Lebanon, Iraq, Algeria, Morocco, Saudi Arabia and even the United States and Canada. One look around, and the diversity is astounding. Conversations are something out of a Saturday afternoon B-movie, where you step through a Utopian black hole to discover an alternate world of peaceful coexistence that Martin Luther King, Jr., or Beth Mahmoud-Howell, a founder of the Middle East Peace Camp, might have promised in speeches long passed.

Rivalries between different countries are put aside—they are people, first and foremost, and the rest of the junk takes a backseat to food and living for today. London businessmen mix at ease with housewives, wayward youth, hejab-covered women, trendy half-clothed twenty-somethings and the American or European tourist here to taste the delights of the road.

At Green Valley, the largest supermarket for miles, the Moroccan butcher shows off his wonderful kafta kabob skewers. “Ideal for barbecue,” he says. When I tell him I’m over at the 51 Buckingham Gate apartments for a few days on vacation, his hospitality compels him to offer some Saudi dates and finds something more suitable for kitchen cooking. “You picked the right street to shop. Here everyone just finds what they want without a problem,” he says.

“So why here and not other places around London or the world?” I ask.

“Britain used to own the whole world. In the process they brought a little from everywhere back with them. On Edgware Road it just all blends together like a great story.”

But that’s only the beginning at Green Valley and on Edgware Road. Choosing baklava—those delicious sticky pastries—is another Middle Eastern ritual, and in this part of London, you’ll be spoiled, since it easily sells the biggest range this side of Beirut. Try the cream-filled ­specials displayed alongside blocks of top-grade nougat and Turkish delights dusted with powdered sugar. Unusual produce includes fresh pistachios, yellow dates from Jordan and ridged tomatoes from the mountains of Lebanon. Past the long shelves of tins and barrels of olives, the dairy counter sells wonderful cheeses, while bakers lift fresh manakish (Middle Eastern pizzas) from the wood-fired oven.

“It is great to have such a thriving cafe culture here in London,” says Maysoon Qitab. Many of my friends have grown up here in the UK. But to us newcomers, areas like Edgware are amongst our favorite places to meet, as it reminds us of our heritage. Summer is the best time to fully enjoy the atmosphere; you could easily think you were in Amman or Dubai.”

For coffee, head to Markus Coffee Company, where they have carefully roasted 26 varieties in their vintage German roasting machine since 1957. Regulars promise that a mix of Negresco and Regent is the real deal. The Odeon cinema, once the location of the biggest screen in London, often shows films in Arabic, while the Green Man pub offers inexpensive kabobs, fish and chips, a huge range of beers and European and Asian football matches on flat screen televisions.

A chef at Ishbilia prepares Lebanese-style gyros

Stepping outside Edgware is equally tantalizing. This summer, Ishbilia was the name on everyone’s lips at the Buckingham Gate. From the concierge to the lady in the next spa chair, everyone agreed that for a whiff of South Lebanon in both hospitality and flavor, this is the place to be. A £30 taxi ride (at least $60!) from the hotel brought me to Harrods, a department store so large that they hand out maps when you enter. Inside is Ishbilia, and the line, I hear, can be endless. But not today. The handsome Mohammed greets all of the customers and is in command of everything from the menus to the fact that table 24 needs more flat water and Jordanian olives.

The lunchtime crowd is something out of the United Nations, with almost every conceivable country seemingly represented. In a flash, the mezza filled the table with hummus (garbanzo dip), tabouleh (chopped parsley salad with cucumber, tomato, mint, bulgur etc.) moutabel (eggplant dip), baked eggplant with sesame oil and lemon juice, grilled halloumi cheese on Lebanese bread, minced lamb served with toasted bread, yogurt and pine nuts. The vibrant atmosphere in Ishbilia is more than you would expect in a department store eatery. It’s something you would expect in rural Lebanon or Syria. The chefs cheerfully invite you and will even give you a quick cooking lesson, while the waiters joke with you without neglecting their work. It’s safe to say that there’s nothing ordinary about Harrods or Ishbilia. The challenge remains on how to tackle the shopping once your stomach is satisfied.

Gossip about where to eat is the best way to find your way around in London. I heard many people saying, “If Beirut parties the way they do at Maroush, then we’re on the next plane out of town.” This super-stylish restaurant did not disappoint. At Maroush 5 (the 5 being very important, since there are so many Maroushes scattered about London), the wonderfully intimate bar and entertainment area downstairs have an infectious charm that keeps you coming back every Saturday night.

It’s cozy and convenient with its “club” cellar and provides a trendy, cultural trip for the young and young at heart. While the food was traditional mezza and araks (a licorice tasting cocktail), it was the nightlife that sealed the deal. Once the music started, it, happily, drowned out the mobile phones and filled the air with Greek and Arabic favorites. The night absolutely rocked!

With belly dancing and live performances spaced throughout the evening, it was a night to remember on our 3 a.m. stroll, looking for a £30 ride back to the Buckingham.

The fountains at 51 Buckingham Gate are a welcome sight after a long day of sightseeing.

The finest doormen in the UK await you at the Mandarin Oriental.

Modern Family gives iPad some free love

“Modern Family” on ABC Wednesdays is my new MUST SEE.

But, for all that love cascading from the father in Modern Family the other night, they should've been paid. I came to find out that this episode where the family weirdly bonds together to find daddy a new Apple iPad was free love. Other than getting some test run iPads for the show, Apple didn't give any form of commercial consideration for the show; shoot, they didn't even give the cast free iPads or buy a :30 spot of airtime. I'm a huge fan of product placement, but if I were a network or production executive I might wonder why they are giving away advertisements. Product placement is the wave of the future for advertising. In this case, it’s a testimony to the ravenous following Apple has currently that they can pull it off gratis!

The Greatest Maketing Campaign

Fess Parker made the coon cap an all time favorite.

 
To publicize the 1955 film Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier (released in Britain in 1956), Walt Disney Productions launched a massive marketing campaign in the UK in order to make the country's youth "Crockett conscious." There was already a "Crockett craze" in the U.S., where the episodes had become wildly popular. Crockett merchandise was produced en masse, the most iconic item being the imitation coonskin cap. The craze became immensely popular amongst schoolchildren, and the ballad made its way across the Atlantic. 

Ah, Fess Parker, R.I.P.