For Your Consideration...

Okay, so where am I?

Not everyone can look like this in a rented Vera Wang tux. #LifeGoals

Now that the Emmy Award nominations have been announced I've gone underground for a few days, escaping Los Angeles, ever so briefly. I mean, really, how many Emmy consideration billboards for obscure shows on networks I’ve never even heard of can I handle in one drive down Sunset Boulevard? I have a sneaking suspicion that more people will see the billboards than the actual shows.

I'm sure you're sitting there saying, "Surely you exaggerate. How many billboards could drive you from the palm tree lined greatness that only Hollywood can deliver?" Let me tell you, there are a ton. I counted 37 on my 5.9 mile drive from one part of the city to another. Thirty-seven! 

(See them all in the For Your Consideration gallery below!)

I used to buy billboards and outdoor media every summer when I worked for the giant swimming pool supplies conglomerate. Gotta sell those outdoor pools, right? I poured over thick stacks of data to buy just the right billboard, at just the right stretch of land, at just the right point near each store. I had to stretch every dollar because there isn't much margin on a bucket of chlorine tablets. I found myself growing more and more jealous of those media buyers at AMC, Hulu, Netflix and F/X with their seemingly endless budgets, clawing over each other to grab as many billboards as possible. No strategy, just spend, spend, spend.

With an average per billboard cost around $11,000 a month in Hollywood and Los Angeles' Westside, that's over $800,000 spent on outdoor advertising in May and June. Factor in printing costs (upwards of $2,500 per) and we are closing in on some serious cabbage spent on just the advertising I saw on my short drive that took well over an hour to cover.

Sheesh! An hour to go six miles. What a life! Yet I digress...

The $4 Million Emmy Care Package

Emmy campaigning has become a cottage industry. Once the Oscars are handed out, publicists kick into high gear, vying for key roundtables, spurring ad buys and getting screeners in the right hands. The competition is fierce with more than 400 scripted series on the air and over 100 programmers across cable, broadcast TV, and streaming services. That's a lot and remember there are just seven comedy and drama series slots. And that’s not even counting the acting, reality, movie and limited series races.


What's the cost for a campaign? A small Emmy push will cost you upwards of one million dollars and big campaigns can easily cost over ten times that. But buying billboards won't do the trick. Insiders will tell you that you have to do something disruptive. And huge.

Weighing in over 20 pounds with more than 25 original series included!

Netflix took that disruptive advice to heart. The mail-order/streaming service sent out their pre-Emmy care packages to film and TV critics. This isn't your average package. The care package includes physical copies of every episode comprising the over 25 original series and features eligible for this year’s Emmy Awards. It’s a humongous, 20-pound, four-box set. The cost? $4 million dollars.

Holy geez! But well worth it. The company amassed a record 54 nominations. That's only $74,074 per nom. That's not too bad, is it?

Adding to the cost is that every mailer has to be sent through the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences’s internal shipping service. The cost there is around $1,750 per episode.

All this adds up to some serious dough. However, I'm worries about the $275 Vera Wang tux and shoe rentals for the red carpet photo shoot on September 16th. I'll be there but still waiting for a chance to earn a Primetime Award to go with my Daytime win.

GALLERY
For Your Consideration...the 2016 Emmy Billboards.

Pokemon Go Is Taking Over the World

Okay, so where am I?

I am shopping for a mattress and geez this is harder than getting actors to the set on time. I saw one company that said I could buy a new mattress and not pay for five years! My first thought was finally the terminally ill catch a break. They get a new mattress knowing full well that they will never be around to pay for it. Good for them, right? But, seriously? Five years?

I really don't want to judge those without a lot of money. We can't all afford to pay cash for a Kluft Palais Royal (who can really?), but you might want to consider a career change if you need five years to scrape together enough for a down payment for you bed. Yet I digress...

No need to speak to your waitress at Chili's anymore...

Much of retail strategy involves the curtailing of human interaction, however, some stores go the opposite route. You can't go into a Nordstrom without 32 employees saying hello or asking if you need to get a dressing room started. More and more companies are just plain shying away this one-on-one interaction. If I go to Chili's,  I can pay without getting the check via the same device that I can order appetizers from and at the Cheesecake Factory I download an app my iPhone that will allow me to do the same. (Trust me, I am in no hurry to pay the bill...)

Everything now is bar codes, emails, credit cards...paperless at every point. Even when I go to the movies, all I get is is an email with my seat assignment from Arclight Cinemas. I sometimes think I would wait in a longer line to speak with the ticket person through that small round hole in the glass just to feel some human connection. For the love of it, sometimes I just want to see that paper in my paw as a slide towards the 19 year old who can't wait to scan me in so he can get back to his Snapchat faster. After all, that ticket is my proof I have paid an entitled to entry.

As I prattle on, it occurs to me I am all over the map and I haven't even gotten to the gold in this column. What about all of these people who have downloaded this Pokemon Go app and are now wandering the cities of America in a modern version of "Scavenger Hunt" chasing imaginary things in what Nintendo calls a world of "augmented reality."

Pokemon Go is taking over the world sending Nintendo stocks soaring and launching conspiracy theories that the game is really a CIA-type surveillance system. But my question is this: when did actual reality become too dull to amuse us?

Here are some of the headlines:

Forbes reports that since its release last Wednesday, Pokémon Go has become a massive global phenomenon. Gamers have left their sofas and descended on parks, houses and street corners in search of the virtual creatures generated by the augmented-reality hit. As well as sending gamers into the great outdoors, Pokémon Go has also sent Nintendo's stock soaring with market value gains reaching $7.5 billion in just two days.

The infographic above shows just how obsessed Android users have become with Pokémon Go. They used it for an average of 43 minutes last Friday, considerably longer than well established and popular apps including WhatsApp (30 minutes) and Instagram (25 minutes). Pokémon Go has been downloaded an estimated 7.5 million times in the U.S. as of July 11, 2016.

Pokémon Go Is a Government Surveillance Psyop Conspiracy

Less than a week after Pokémon Go’s launch, our streets are already filled with packs of phone-wielding, Weedle-catching zombies. They’re robbing our teens, filling our churches with sinners, and tricking our children into exercising. But worst of all, Pokémon Go is turning us all into an army of narcs in service of the coming New World Order. Read more...

Pokémon Go, Explained

Everyone is suddenly catching Pokémon fever again. Here’s what’s going on.

Pokémon-Chasing Investors Send Nintendo Shares Soaring

Craze added $9 billion in market value to gaming company. Read more...

The Psychology of How Pokémon Go Gets Inside Your Brain

HAVE YOU GOT the fever? Oh yeah you’ve got the fever. Pokémon Go is here, and you are feelin’ it. Charizard? Char-was-easy. Grimer? Get the Muk in my Pokéball. Doduo? More like do-duon’t waste my time. Gotta catch ’em all!

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Well that's it.

It's time to wrap up this column and buy a mattress. By the time they com looking for their money in 2021, I'll either be dead or living under an assumed name to avoid making that down payment.

Media Guy out!

The Dreaded Casting Call

Advertising is my life. That's well noted. Looking back on some of the big hits over the decades reveals how billions of dollars spent on ad time can perpetuate falsehoods and dig holes that even workers in FDR's New Deal jobs program couldn't fill:

-Fifty years ago ads for cigarettes were everywhere and endorsed by celebrities from sports to movies.

-Coca Cola, backed by the Soda Pop Board of America, once proclaim that our children's brains needed sugary drinks in their formative years to develop properly and fit in with society properly.

-Airlines used to position their women employees as a wonderful way for men to replace their wives on their travels (or even find a wife for that matter).

Now, well past my formative years in the ad game, I am beside myself about the sexist advertising that still exists. I can't say that I'm an innocent in the world of using the female form to sell product.

Check out these award-winning ice cream spots (yes, I am serious [!], I have shiny pieces of hardware touting my excellence in advertising for these gems...how misinformed was I?):

Lotte Ice Cream

Creme d'Or Ice Cream

Looking back, I can't say that I am proud, but I guess you can call me a reformed feminist because I don't do commercials like that anymore.

Hard to find, but a fantastic gossip read.

The feminist led me to paid more attention to the famous Hollywood casting call. Marilyn Monroe made the casting call famous. Monroe had resolved to sleep with anyone who could help her attain fame and fortune in Hollywood. According to countless biographies, friends of the iconic actress routinely note that she had "sex with anybody she thought might be able to advance her career."

Many others, male and female, have chosen to take this path, even today. However, women are still being subjected to the sexist rigors of the casting call and showrunners don't even seem to feel the need to hide it.

There's been some buzz about "Casting Call, The Project," which features real women—18 in all—reading real casting notices. Their reactions range from as little as raised eyebrows to exasperated sighs and obscenities.

Three friends created the project—Julie Asriyan, Laura Bray and Jenna Ciralli—summarized their work:

"In our quest to find and create work, we became all too familiar with reading character breakdowns posted on casting call notices via the numerous casting websites (some legitimate and reputable, others, not so much). Throughout this journey, we would often share with each other particularly ridiculous, hysterical and appalling casting call notices."

The project is working with over 300,000 Facebook views in its first 24 hours and it's closing in on 100,000 views on youtube:

Each casting call notes the classic stereotypes about gender, age, body type, and race with many conveying the deepest cuts into institutional segregation of the sexes:

• "Loves being a woman, so she probably wears a push-up bra."
• "Nerdy type of girl, nevertheless she has a boyfriend who loves her." 
• "Her cleavage is her best feature."
• "She's actually pretty, even with no makeup." 

My "favorites" are these lines:

• "Lead actress needed for film about feminism. She is moderately attractive."
• "Prefer an actor who is not thin. This is a great role for a feminist."

Seriously, who writes this stuff?!

Kudos to these real New York friends who creatively show that by taking ownership of the creative process, women can "bring about the roles we all want to see for female actors."

In other news...

...London mayor bans sexist ads...

Women react to 'body-shaming' Protein World ads.

...Advertising Agency Returns Cannes Bronze Lion for Sexist Scam Ad for Bayer...

Violating privacy of women wins awards, but doesn't pay well in public anymore.

and finally, A big brand promises less sexist advertising!

AMERICAN RED CROSS: You Should Have Called The Media Guy!

Okay, so where am I?

I'm waiting by the phone hoping Gail J. McGovern, President and Chief Executive Officer of the American Red Cross, rings me back so we can discuss their outreach advertising. Their swimming pool safety poster channeled their inner Trump nearly alienating African-Americans across the United States. They picked a helluva a spot to showcase who's cool and who's not cool. I mean swimming pools in this country long been the hub of racism—take a read of the Washington Post's article detailing why "America’s swimming pools have a long, sad, racist history."

When I was a first-time parent, I remember reading a psychology article chronicling a series of books and educational materials that described good behavior with the pronoun "he," while bad behavior was written with a "she." Subtlety showing that females were the originators of poor actions and nor males. This poster applied that psychological manipulation to the graphics.

The Red Cross poster shows nearly every child doing something "not cool" as black, while the others who are "cool" are not. To further break it down, four out of the seven of the black children are shown as breaking the rules, while only two of the 10 non-black children are seen breaking the rules. The only depictions of "cool" behavior are from caucasian kids.

Ugh, American Red Cross! What were you thinking?!

The poster went viral when John Sawyer posted the image on Twitter, calling it "super racist" and implored the Red Cross to send a new one to The Salida Pool and Recreation Department in Colorado.

The pile-on was, of course, substantial and filled with sarcasm and frustration:

The American Red Cross responded to the masses with mea culpa stating they were creating new poster and removing the material for their site.

"We deeply apologize for any misunderstanding, as it was absolutely not our intent to offend anyone," the organization said in a statement.

C'mon Gail, one call to the Media Guy—before you printed and disseminated thousands of posters, wasted thousands of donor dollars and setting race relations back even further—could have solved all of your issues. A simple review of your poster by your new Commissioner of Common Sense (that's me) would have saved all that embarrassment. My moderate salary or retainer fee would have already paid for itself. 

Gail, please. Call me back. You'll be happy you did.

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ALSO, DON'T MISS: The Los Angeles Times breaks down Jesse Williams passionate speech about racism at the BET Awards.