Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Flammenwerfer: To Buy or Not to Buy?

Okay, so where am I?

I'm contemplating buying one of Elon Musk's $500 flamethrowers. I mean, really, who DOESN’T want a flamethrower?


Full disclosure...The long awaited (especially by me) Media Guy television pilot has several mentions of the protagonist Alex Logan shining a flamethrower for his retiring agency boss before things go off the rails. There's even a flamethrower back story supplied by Alex's sexy assistant (why? because every television sitcom set in the office has a petite, sexy assistant, that's why!):
"You know, flame throwing devices date back to the Byzantine era. The modern version came from Germany. It’s translated from the German word Flammenwerfer and was invented by Richard Fiedler at the turn of the 20th century. It projected a jet of fire and enormous clouds of smoke twenty yards long, the way Peter does when he’s upset."
Today, it appears that the Media Guy wouldn't have to go down to his local Army-Navy store to pick up some dusty, decommissioned flamethrower. Now he can dial up Musk's The Boring Company and pick out a new street-legal model. For those of you who don't not Musk, he is the founder of SpaceX, the brains behind Tesla Inc., co-chairman of OpenAI and the CEO of Neuralink.

Media Guy Pilot Script from 2013
“Mark this down as one of the promises Elon delivers on,” The Verge writes, “apparently, because it looks like the Boring Company flamethrower is here. Redditors in a few SpaceX, Boring Company, and Musk-related subreddits noticed earlier this week that [a company] URL started redirecting to a page with a password box. And at least one user was able to guess the original password, too: “flame.”

It is still unclear how the flamethrower functions and I already have so many questions and the $500 needed is already earmarked for cigars:
  • How far will the flame stretch? 
  • What will fuel it? 
  • How much fuel with its tank hold? 
  • Where is its tank? 

For now, I have very little to go on with the image looking like a Nerf gun with a small section of hose at the back. But I do know one thing, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want a flamethrower. It would could almost be the perfect question for a lie detector test.
Guy Giving a Lie Detector Test: “Do you want a flame thrower?”
Guy Taking the Lie Detector Test: “No...”Guy Giving a Lie Detector Test: “I’m sorry sir, you just failed the lie detector test”.