I Killed Sheherazade

I hope you’ve had a chance to page through a copy of I Killed Scheherazade: Confessions of an Angry Arab Woman (from Lawrence Hill Books available at amazon.com) by award-winning Lebanese journalist Joumana Haddad. Dubbed “the Carrie Bradshaw of Beirut” by the Sunday Telegraph, she’s leading the charge with a spirited call to Arab women to stand up for themselves.

From the upheaval in Tunisia to the rebellions unfolding across Syria, Lebanon and beyond, 2011 and 2012 brought a wave of change to the Middle East, transporting Arab voices and stories across Europe and North America at an unprecedented volume. I Killed Scheherazade establishes Haddad as one of the most powerful female voices emerging from the region. Lifting the veil on the politics of love and sex in the Middle East, asserting that she, and many others like her, are liberated,

Haddad is the first to admit the stories are true—that the region is home to 50 million child brides and that women are punished for being victims of rape. She candidly recalls her own experiences growing up in a Christian household in Beirut discovering social and sexual freedom in a country where it’s forbidden, founding Jasad, the first Arabic, erotic magazine and finding success as a outspoken journalist—a feat that has earned her much acclaim and also death threats. A fascinating and rare insider’s glimpse at what it’s really like to be a modern Arab woman, “I Killed Scheherazade” questions the West’s oft-shocking representation of Arab women as silent, submissive and hopelessly oppressed—a stereotype she notes is often projected by many Arab nations, too.

As the international eye remains transfixed on the region, we asked Haddad three vital questions.

Media Guy: One of the things that stuck me was the line, “Lifting the veil on the politics of love and sex in the Middle East, asserting that she, and many others like her, are liberated.” Tell us a bit about the true differences between “oppressed” and “liberated.”

Haddad: As far as I am concerned, the main difference is the ‘choice’. The ability to choose for yourself what you want to do with your life, what you would like to say and think, and how you wish to act, beyond brainwashing, fear, and futile traditions and chains. That is what makes a person free. This capacity of running your own destiny, being responsible for it, and bearing the consequences of your choices.

MG: Why do you think the West has such a skewed opinion of Middle Eastern Women?

Haddad: One of the main reasons is of course the distorted version that the media carries and promotes. We all know that the press is inclined towards sensationalism and clichés, and bad news are far more ‘selling’ than good news, unfortunately. These stories reinforce the stereotyped image of the Arab woman as a poor victim who has no control over her destiny and needs to be saved. I am not saying that this oppressed Arab woman does not exist. I am merely defending the right of the ‘other’ woman to be seen and heard: the emancipated, strong and educated woman who, even though is a minority, deserves to be visible, because she represents hope for the other one. I believe we should look at each other as individuals instead of groups. This might help. We also need to go beyond the obvious and look for the exception.

MG: You founded Jasad, can you recall the highest of highs there? What about the lowest of lows? Explain these two stories.

Haddad: The lowest of lows is when I started publishing the magazine, and insults and threats started pouring into my inbox on a daily basis. But I decided that I won’t be intimated, and I was expecting resistance anyway. It is not that I am particularly courageous: I am simply a passionate and stubborn human being, who believes in her right to express. As for the highest of highs is a miracle that keeps on happening everyday, with readers from all over the world telling me how much they appreciate this project and how necessary they felt it was. Also, a new high comes up every time I manage to convince a new Arab writer or artist to contribute; especially when these are women. I do not accept pseudonyms or anonymous texts in the magazine, and it is not easy to win new female writers over, because they dread the consequences and the social and religious prejudices.

Photo by Laurent Denimal

Flying the Friendly Skies

Ok. I can admit it. The end of the world freaked me out.

That outdated Mayan calendar threw everything out of whack for the Media Guy.

I mean who didn’t have December 21st circled on their calendar?

Yes, I was afraid. Words no longer flowed freely from my fingertips. Writing was at a standstill. The words simply dried up. I was so afraid that I lost days. I lost the ability to tell the difference between day and night, breakfast and dinner, my head and my arse. I was afraid that I was too old and slow now to outrun the flawed Mayan calendar. But most of all, I was afraid because I already survived one end of the world scared earlier in 2012. I shouldn’t have to deal with this twice in one year. Alas, when the media gets a hold of a story and it moves the needle, they simple choke it to death.

So imagine being on a plane in the twenty-first on a mostly empty transcontinental flight staring deeply into an iPad with virtually no words hashed out. No notes. No thoughts. Just a vacuous space where brilliance is supposed to reside. My publisher awaited chapters and there was nothing in the tank. I t should have been easy to pump out some freshly minted words. I was the only passenger in business class. No distractions. Yet, no brain power either. Then I met Daniela Lewis.

All you need is a good mus to end your writer's block.

Who’s Daniela Lewis you ask? She’s the muse I met on my flight, relieved to be headed home after days and days in the air. She was my flight attendant; easy on the eyes and easier on the mind. She was a warm cup of chicken soup for the soul who inspired me by her dedication to a career that didn’t seem so easy after long conversation. She will forever be my Flight Girl Daniela.

MEDIA GUY: After 16 years flying the friendly skies, you must have seen some crazy things right?

FLIGHT GIRL DANIELA: The craziest thing about the airlines is the competition for these jobs. We have something like a thousand openings a couple of years back and I think 100,000 people applied. Some of the people interviewed were engineers, lawyers and doctors. We only get paid $19,000 to start, Crazy, but true.

MG: But once you’re in, you stay in, right?

FGD: You would think, but that’s not the case. Newbies are on a strict six-month probation period. Some girls have gotten fired for not zipping their uniform all the way up and another got the boot for texting while doors are still open.

MG: I know I’m probably being naïve, but if you’re on the plane, shouldn’t you be in “customer service mode.” [Note: I know you can’t see it, but the quotation marks around customer service mode were sarcastic air quote marks.]

FGD: I want everyone that you can possibly reach to know that: If the doors of the plane are still open, we aren’t getting paid. You know all that time at the gate when we are pouring drinks for business and first class and squeezing your overweight carry-ons in the overhead bins? Well, none of that time magically appears in our paychecks. We might as well be passengers like you, because we are making less than you probably are at that very moment. “Flight hours only is the motto at my airline.” So trust me when I tell you that when you are giving us crap about delays and push back times, we just as upset as you.

MG: So….the Mile High Club. For it or against it?

FGD: You know, it’s not against the law to join the Mile High Club. It is, however, against the law to disobey our in-flight orders. So by all means, if you want some dirty sex in a crammed environment, by all means get your jiggy on. That is, unless we ask you to stop and get back to your seats, because you should get moving if you do. As far as adding members to the club, I don’t care and even the dinosaurs [the old, prude flight attendants from the “stewardess” days] don’t care if you can’t wait to get back to the Airport Holiday Day Inn for a quickie. Who does care is the passenger who just downed a whole can of Diet Coke and is dying to use the restroom. When they complain, we have to be their voice.

MG: Speaking of Diet Coke, I hear that most flight attendants hate serving the stuff. Is that just urban myth?

FGD: Ugh! We do hate it. I can serve up to twenty-five different drinks and D.C. takes forever to pour. At 30,000 feet, the fizz doesn’t settle down. I feel like I have to beg it to go away. Sometimes I just give the can and a cup with ice and let the passenger feel special for getting an entire can. Most times I can pour four drinks of something else before a single pour of D.C. Plus, you shouldn’t drink that stuff any way; I hear it causes cancer.

Are shorter skirts back?

MGD: Why do some flight attendant’s skirts a lot shorter than others?

FGD: Very perceptive Mr. Media Guy! Seniority automatically means a shorter shirt. Why? Because we alter the length of them until our probation is lifts. Most of the younger, athletic model-type flight attendants want to wear as little polyester as possible to as soon as we pass six months, we hit up the dry cleaners to shorten the, and show off our legs.

MGD: I bet it gets frustrating to get hit on after you hem your skirts.

FGD: It is a little bit, but it’s part of the job for waitresses and flight attendants. Remember guys, no means no and you don’t need to make us turn you down more than once. Keep this in mind though: many of the senior flight attendants are cougars in sheep’s clothing. They don’t get hit on as much and are very flattered by flirty advances. than senior flight attendants. That’s the rule and not the exception. This is where the hookups happen.

MGD: Anyone ever die on board a flight?

FGD: No. We’ve had several high maintenance passengers who must have crystal balls because they keep saying they are going to have a stroke or a heart attack if we don’t land soon. But they are fine once we touch down. I was one a flight once before 9/11 where a guy tried to board a flight with a dead relative in a wheelchair.. I’m not kidding here. In full Arnold Schwarzenegger mode, he said she was dead tired. Halfway to Los Angeles, we had to mke an unscheduled stop and get him her off the plane. Later I heard he wanted to save the four grand it costs to transport the body. We do have a corpse cupboard / compartment in the cabin, just in case we need to store an “incapacitated” body.

---

So as Daniela rushed back to handle and air bag incident in economy, I soaked in her delicious sarcasm, sipped on my Diet Coke and the words flowed never before. I was cured from the Mayan-Calendar-End-of-the-Earth Jinx. 

---

EDITOR'S NOTE: 
Part 2:
Read part two of Daniela and Michael here.

Part 3:
Read part three of Daniela and Michael here.

An Open Letter to Taco Bell

An open letter to Greg Creed, Chief Executive Officer and President of Taco Bell:

What the hell happened to you on your way to the Pantheon of Advertising? I just can’t keep quiet anymore. Their latest spots practically made me throw up in my mouth. Have you seen the latest in a long string of commercial disasters?

Their latest shows a well-dressed dude in a vest, looking like kind of a G and he’s out at a nice dinner at an upper end steakhouse. He’s with another couple, two attractive women and some dudes. This guy is sitting there with his 1990’s vest… I just can’t get over the stylist who decided a vest was just the ticket for wardrobe here. Yet I digress.

Anyway, he’s looking at a big, beautiful leather menu that no doubt has some big, beautiful cuts of beef that we all enjoy as big, beautiful Americans and he shakes his head, almost saying “screw this...” Then what does he do? He gets out of the booth and goes to Taco Bell and gets steak nachos.

I mean really? He’s going to close that menu and dismiss the company he’s with, step out with his 1993 and order steak nachos? Even the 2:00 A.M. potheads are insulted with this one!

So what are you trying to sell Taco Bell? Rudeness? That your steak nachos are the equivalent substitute for a nice steakhouse? This has to rank as one of the worst commercials ever.  How is Taco Bell going to make money with this ad? After thirty very long seconds witnessing this debacle of advertising, two words popped into my mind: Sista, PLEASE!

Taco Bell has really jumped the shark lately with their advertising campaigns. From the Lamar Odom / Charles Barkley commercial to this new guy, it’s been horrific. Remember that clueless guy they had a while back? The one who thought he had the inside track on the super inexpensive 7-layer burrito? “Hey…uh, is Janine working tonight? Can I talk to her?” How about that indie rock kid in the Volvo station wagon? The one who drive nine hundred miles for a Doritos taco? Can you imagine the ad execs brainstorming this out?:

     Taco Bell Ad Exec 1: Hey, if we can get the message across that this taco is so good that it’s worth driving 900 miles…

     Taco Bell Ad Exec 2: ...Oh my! That’s brilliant!

     Taco Bell Ad Exec 1 and Ad Exec 2 (in unison): Everyone will make a run for the border!

What Happened To You Taco Bell? You used to have something! Remember when Gidget, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, used to demand, “Yo quiero Taco Bell!”? Or when the big bell bonged imploring you to “Run for the Border”? Now those were Pantheon-worthy commercials.

Taco Bell, sigh. Was it lightning in a bottle? Were you a two hit wonder? How did you lose your way?

Easily, they have the worst commercials for any fast food restaurants on the planet. Yeah, yeah, you’re going to hit me with the Carl’s Jr. “…if it doesn't get all over your face…” spots, but I have no issue there. It speaks to their audience who want big, messy burgers and they are quite comical and sexy. Yet I digress again.

Mr. Creed, please give The Media Guy a call. I sketched out five ad concepts on the back of a napkin that I’d like to share with you. And I didn't need to wear my vest to think outside the bun.

Plagiarism: Stopping word thieves

This past Sunday, October 21, 2012, CBS Morning News aired a brilliant segment on plagiarism. Here's an excerpt:

Accusations of plagiarism have plagued writers for centuries. Shakespeare was accused of it; so was Oscar Wilde.

T.S. Elliot famously stated, "Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal."

The Beatles' George Harrison was sued for lifting the melody of "My Sweet Lord" from the Chiffons song, "He's So Fine."

Ray Parker Jr, who wrote the "Ghostbusters" theme, was taken to court by Huey Lewis for allegedly ripping off "I Want a New Drug."

Called "Word for Word" you should check it out here.

The Handwriting Sensei: PART TWO

OK. Here comes the shameless plug. The new book is coming soon. Landscapes of Life: behind the lens. The photographs in it are an embodiment of me and the words I am creating are from my soul. My fourth book is about Crazy Experiences and that's how I met Theresa Ortega, The Handwriting Sensei. In part one of this blog, I told you a little bit about her Crazy Experience and while she was telling me, she agreed to analyze my handwriting as well.

Here’s the setup for a quality analysis:  

·         Use unlined paper.

·         Write like you normally write. Seems most people these days write in a combination of cursive and printing, but use whatever is most comfortable for you.

·         Sit comfortably when you write.

·         Write whatever comes into your head, about any topic, but do write several short paragraphs. [Top Tip from The Handwriting Sensei: a friend who worked at the FBI doing FDE work says there is a special significance after 120 words.....I've learned quite a few things from him!]

·         Sign your name at the end, as you would to anything "official" like a letter, check, or contract.

So why the shameless plug earlier? The writing sample I sent was a quasi-excerpt from Landscapes of Life. Here’s what I submitted (and yes, these are The Media Guy’s words):

When the heart is uncluttered, it carries endlessly from pole to pole. Willingness and suppleness give way to a natural sensation of marvel and the freedom from fear.

As freedom gives flight, our heart grows and develops. As the heart opens, we can then be inspired. We can breathe in the truest meaning. An open heart awakens the soul with the power to achieve.

Inspiration can be found anywhere and in anything. I believe it can be found and used for goodness. Where have I found it? People. Sisterhood. Brotherhood. God. Volunteering. Capitalism. Optimism that laughs at adversity. Vinyl records. Basketball. Ink. Flowers. Water. Literature. Zeus. Desire. Debates. Doubt. Breathtaking Views. Boredom. Foreign Languages. Wishes. Candles. Fire. Ice. Cumulus Clouds. Innocence. Waves. Paradox. Logic. Truth. And that's just the beginning.

Without further ado, here is The Handwriting Sensei’s analysis:

MICHAEL LLOYD 2012

• You are a grounded and fairly even-tempered. You relate to those who can express their emotions easily, and those who cannot. You consider your heart when making decisions, but are mostly head-ruled. Many friends probably come to you for advice, thinking, “Let’s ask Michael what he would do, he is centered and gives good advice.”
• You are artistic and appreciate artistic and cultural endeavors
• Very determined – you will persevere against many obstacles to attain your goals
• Open-minded, you are able to listen to others and see all sides
• Direct when you deal with people – you don’t beat around the bush. If someone asks for your opinion, you will give it honestly.
• Intuitive – you get strong gut feelings about things that are happening to you, to close friends and family, about situations, and you listen to your gut because it has proven right for you to do so. At times, your intuition is strong enough to cause you to wonder, “Am I crazy? Am I overreacting?” to the point of feeling a sense of being able to peer into the future, but you are usually right.
• A bit impulsive – once in a while you do something that causes your friends to exclaim, ‘What the hell was THAT?”
• Not as happy in your job as you would like - - about half the strokes that show this indicate that you would often like to be doing something else.
• Talkative – you have no problem talking to any person or group, and can converse about many topics
• Quick thinker/analytical – you assess situations quickly, sometimes you may even be impatient with others who don’t think as quickly as you do.
• Strokes indicate a lower body pain/injury issue, usually indicated from the end of the spine and down. (It can be something that has healed, such as a broken bone; it can be something that is currently causing pain; OR it can be something that is emerging. It is consistent on all lower zones).
• Can be sensitive to criticism at times, usually about your appearance
• Half the strokes indicate a desire to yield during a conversation or argument and let the other person win, even if you know you are right. It is often a peacekeeping measure.
• When someone tells you that you can’t do something, your response is often, “To hell with you, I’m DOING IT ANYWAY!”
• Strokes indicate pain in the upper zone, usually from the neck up. It can be stress, migraine headaches, neck pain or injury, and so on. Strokes are consistent in all upper zones.
• As an employee, some of your staff may find you a bit tyrannical at times
• You can be stubborn and operate with the attitude, “Don’t confuse me with the facts, my mind’s already made up!”
• Very intelligent
• You are loyal to friends and family
• There is a level of importance to these words for you: Zeus, Wishes, Ice, Paradox, Truth.
• You have a special relationship with the truth - - you always seek to control it. I would surmise that either someone lied to you in a very grand way, or there is something personal that urges you to control the truth. There is a lot of sarcasm associated with truth for you as well, which I don’t see associated with any other thought. Also, somewhat of a hopeful/dreamy element about it, as though it was a great dream for you to always be surrounded by the truth, for you to be able to control the truth around you. But you are aware enough to know that that will not be the case, and so the sarcasm is associated with it. You will know what this is about; all I can see are stroke patterns.
• Self-expectations are met with strict discipline, and you may hide the aspects of your personality that you feel are inadequate.
• When you speak of yourself, you often see yourself as secondary to everyone else, and often place priorities on everyone except yourself. You are prudent and concerned with security. You consider all parts of an equation when making a decision.
• There are also indications of pain/stress in the middle zone, which tend to be stomach, heart, and lung areas. The strokes are consistent across the middle zone.
• You start out trying to be Johnny-by-the-book and doing everything by the rules, but eventually, you often realize that you must find a different way around things to accomplish your goals. You often have a unique way of completing a task, and can be a rule-breaker.
• You can easily segue from topic to topic and connect ideas that others don’t always see as related. You have a great communication skill found in actors, writers, speakers, talk show hosts, etc. How appropriate!
• You are optimistic, a positive trait that augments all others
• You have diplomacy, as I like to say, the ability to tell someone to go to hell so they look forward to making the trip, AND, packing their bags! A great skill to have in any career or business.
• YOUR SIGNATURE: You are much more outgoing in public than is your nature. Often, this is a product of a particular career or job. Your determination shows up strongly here as well, along with a lot of physical energy, and a need to keep some of yourself to yourself by the illegibility in the signature. 

Pretty hot analysis and wildly accurate in so many ways. I cannot wait for my daughter to bring a boy home so we can analyze him. So now you know a little more about me...in exchange, how about liking The Media Guy's Facebook book page or following me on Twitter?

In the meantime, don't forget to follow Theresa on Facebook and Twitter until the Crazy Experiences book becomes a reality.

MEDIA GUY SAY: No need for Eastern Philosophy with The Handwriting Sensei around.

Comic Books Have Finally Graduated

The Media Guy loves comics as much as the next guy. Last year I even counted the days down to National Comics Day. Comics rule the movies and produce large numbers now in publishing.

But, comic books as a legitimate form of American art and literature?

I guess their time has come.

On Oct. 10, New Jersey’s Monmouth University will confer the world’s first fine arts doctorate in comic books on Michael Uslan, the originator and executive producer of the blockbuster Batman movie franchise that began in 1989, including the recent Dark Knight trilogy.

Uslan, who wrote about his comic obsession and its positive effect on his life in his memoir, The Boy Who Loved Batman says it’s a long overdue recognition for an industry that was derided and vilified for decades.

“This will have a tremendously positive impact on the industry, the fans, the artists and writers,” he says. “With the recognition by academia of comic books as expressions of fine art, we’ll see more talented people going into the industry, and they will continue to innovate, refine and redefine this art form and the art of graphic story-telling.”

The university chose Uslan for the honor because of his decades of work establishing the genre as an important element of American art and culture, said Monmouth President Paul G. Gaffney II.

“We are proud to award Michael Uslan an honorary degree in the ‘fine art of comic books,’ ” he said. “Through his work and teaching, he has shown the world that comics are a legitimate art form and uniquely American.”

Uslan, who taught the world’s first accredited college course in comics at Indiana University, Bloomington, Ind., in 1971, also wrote the first textbook on comics, “The Comic Book In America.”  Today, many colleges and universities offer comics courses.

Uslan’s drive to change the way society views comic books dates to childhood, when he recognized the heroes he so admired were often portrayed in media as campy characters not to be taken seriously. As he grew older, he learned the dark history of the American comic book, which first appeared in 1934.

“After World War II, there was a spike in juvenile crime. Psychiatrist Fredric Wertham blamed comic books in his book, ‘Seduction of the Innocent’,” Uslan says, “that led to a 1954 Senate investigation into comic books and their alleged deleterious effects on America’s youth, including the notion they caused asthma because comic book readers stayed indoors to read instead of playing outside in the fresh air.”

“During that period, the general public viewed comic books as poison. Many parents wouldn’t let their kids near a comic book. There were comic book burnings,” Uslan says. “From the 1930s to the ‘70s, people in the industry were derided for working in the world of comics. They were looked down upon by society.”

Meanwhile, artists and writers – notably Stan Lee, former editor-in-chief of Marvel Comics and co-creator of iconic heroes such as Spider-Man and the Avengers – were weaving a modern American mythology, Uslan says.

He points to these reasons why America is finally now, rightfully, embracing its unique art form.

• Comic books are a mirror of American society. Sociologically, since the 1930s they’ve been reflecting our changing culture, our values, mores, fashions and fads, warts and all, prejudices and biases included.

• Comic heroes are our modern mythology. The only difference between them and the ancient Greek gods is that our super-heroes and super-villains today wear Spandex and capes. But like the ancient gods, they reinforce values, convey moral lessons and provoke important discussions about ethics.

• The explosion of blockbuster feature films based on comic books and graphic novels has made American comics a global fascination. Uslan’s 1989 “Batman,” directed by Tim Burton, ushered in a new dark and serious portrayal of comic book heroes on the big screen. His 2008 “The Dark Knight” and this year’s “The Dark Knight Rises” opened the door to other comic-based blockbusters, from “The X-Men” and “Spider-Man” to “The Avengers” and “Iron Man.” These movies are influencing every aspect of culture, from video games to fashion trends. By 2013, comic book conventions will be bursting on the scene overseas, proving that the characters and stories the creators have given us have the power to cross cultures as well as borders.

• Comics have earned recognition in the art world. Comic book exhibits have been displayed in the galleries of noted art museums from the Smithsonian Institution to the Louvre to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to the United Nations.

“Next,” says Uslan, “I’d like to see creative geniuses from the industry like the venerable Stan Lee recognized with Kennedy Center Honors for their achievements. What were once simply comic books are now being translated into the performing arts and it’s a crime that neither Stan nor any other creator from the field of American comic books and graphic novels has ever been recognized and honored by that illustrious group.

“And if it’s a crime, it means that Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, The Hulk and the rest will be after them if they don’t make it right.”

The Handwriting Sensei: PART ONE

ALERT: This entry of the Media Guy Struggles is an unreserved exchange that intermittently touches on mature subjects and language. 

Let’s just say this: I have too many books in the works. The photography book. The Media Memoirs book. The English Diplomat Book. And…the Crazy Experiences book.

For the Crazy Experiences book, I wanted sent this query around the industry:

Have you ever been on a talk show? How about a game show? Do you have a behind-the-scenes story that will excite? If you have a great story, I want to hear from you. The best ones will be published in some form in an upcoming book.

My new bestie Theresa Ortega, a certified handwriting analyst at The Handwriting Sensei (www.handwritingsensei.com), was among the seventy-five responders—and definitely the most fun. Her story is pretty entertaining and definitely book worthy…here goes…

I was invited to do a live radio show where I analyzed handwriting of the listeners. They had me analyze the staff first and all agreed that it was very accurate. The listeners had a great time as they faxed in their samples and I analyzed them live on the air. The Program Director was very interested in a personal analysis, as he wasn't on air with us. So, we sat in his office and I took a look at his handwriting. I noticed some, ahem, peculiar things about his physical appetites that were manifested in his writing. I was trying to come up with how I was going to tactfully tell this man that I saw some, well, kinkiness in his writing…it came to me quickly, and I've used it numerous times since. I gave him a few details about his personality traits, and then waited with the juicy revelation at the end, and I said, "It seems you have a certain, shall we say, penchant for sexual activity outside the norm." HIS EYES LIT UP LIKE A CANNON, he smiled a huge toothy grin, grabbed the paper and exclaimed, "REALLY?? Where do you see THAT??" So I proceeded to show him where I saw the strokes that indicated the traits.....he hooted and hollered, and yelled, "FUCKING A!!" and ran down the hall with the paper in hand, telling all who would listen, "Can you believe it?? SHE CAN TELL I'M A PERVERT!!! THAT IS AWESOME!!" He ran from office to office with his newly gleaned information...

Wouldn't it be great to know about someone just by the way they write? I know the Media Guy could definitely get a leg up if he could understand all of this. So when I spoke with Theresa I wanted to know if she could analyze MY handwriting?

Theresa Ortega: You lead a pretty exciting and interesting life. The hotel key card, AWESOME!!! Aaaargggh, I relate!  "....in the middle of Timbuktu".........heh heh heh....but the Abercrombie couple.......classic. Your life may not be all princesses and Miss Universes, but, it sounds rousing, so yes, I can analyze anyone's handwriting. It would be fun to analyze your handwriting.

Media Guy: Was the guy baiting you? Did he want you to respond like this and ask you out? I have a colleague who does crazy stuff like this to get clients and dates...

        

TO: Nope, no interest in me at all......he just ran around the studio like a crazy man, shouting, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? FUCKING A!! She can see I'm INTO THE KINK by my handwriting!!!!" and so on.......

MG: What do you charge for one of your sessions? Do you testify in court as an expert?

        

TO: It depends on what type of analysis it is. No, I am not a FDE (Forensic Document Examiner); that is a totally different certification. My work is mostly with relationship issues (personal and employment related), compatibility, self-esteem and self-improvement. 

MG: Tell me more about the rumor and the actor that wanted you off the set. Anyone famous? Did he/she have a reputation for doing this? What kid of show was it? What was the timeframe?

          

TO: No rumor, no actor. The guy was a Program Director for a local AOR radio station. No one famous. No reputation for doing this that I was aware of. Of course, I wasn't familiar with him, I only knew a few of the DJ's, and they had asked me to come on the show to analyze handwriting live as something fun and unique for their listeners. The show was a morning drive radio show, their demographic was probably males 16-25, maybe 16-40. It happened around 2000. And no, I would not have dated this guy after analyzing his handwriting!!

MG: Back to my handwriting analysis, should I be nervous? I’m on pins and needles!

TO: PINS AND NEEDLES??? Aww, c'mon, Michael, it won't be THAT bad!

A person such as yourself who is interested in self-discovery and self-improvement, believe me, I've rarely seen the psycho-killer traits in the handwriting............as I said, I won't be telling you anything about yourself that you don't already know, but most people are surprised at what can actually be gleaned from handwriting. (I will, hopefully, make you think about a few of the things I can see and mention, but don't know exactly what the full story may be. You will see what I mean. I always tell people that while I can see many things, in the end, I have no super powers, ESP, or crystal ball. It's all about stroke patterns and a very methodical examination of traits. I'm just a technician). 

MG: Tell me what kind of training you took to become an analyst.

TO: I studied via online/live classes for many years. We would do the audio part as a teleconference, and then the instructor would use a website to show the samples we were talking about before the webinar concept was perfected. Then attended our International Conference every year, where we got a chance to hear analysts from other disciplines (yes, there are several schools of thought on analysis/graphology), and I took the oral and written certification exam in 2007. This was through Bart Baggett's Handwriting University International. I passed, woohooo!!

Now I continue to attend trainings with other recognized analysts I've met across the country, such as Beverley East, Iris Hatfield, Sheila Lowe, Kathi McKnight, Treyce Montoya, Joseph Zarek, and so on...plus I've gotten to know several AMAZING graphologists in South America such as Evelyn Aguilera Arce and Mercedes Lapietra, who send me information in Spanish that I can't get here.

MG: Also who comes to you?

TO: Corporate event planners, trade show organizers, HR managers, charities, individuals. I've done everything from a 16-year-old boy's birthday party here in Terre Haute, to analyzing handwriting at the annual SHRM (Society for Human Resource Managers) Conference of 15,000 attendees in Atlanta, Georgia this past May!! Private events such as bachelorette parties, corporate fundraisers, corporate teambuildings, professional associations, art shows, college sports conferences, and much more.

MG: What's the average fee?

TO: Average fee? Well, I have a non-profit rate and a corporate rate, and I give a discount to the corporate group if they book me for 4 hours or more to analyze. Strictly analyzing, it's $125/hour non-profit, $300/hour corporate. My average personal analysis is around $200. Workshops and keynotes are $3,000-5,000.

MG: When my daughter brings a boy home should I do a handwriting analysis on him to make sure he's not a psychopath?

TO: Analyze boyfriends?? ABSOLUTELY!!! I can go more in depth on this later, but suffice it to say that I get a lot of college handwriting gigs due to my day job (I work at a student rec center at a university), and see a lot of young guys' handwriting. I've become alarmed at much of what I see lately, and one sample I was analyzing perturbed me quite a bit…so I sent it to my friend at the FBI. I told him all the stuff that bothered me and made me uneasy, and wanted him to verify if it was as bad as I thought. He came back to say that it was much WORSE than I thought.......and the sample ended up in his book as a perfect example of "red flag" behaviors that should be avoided in relationships. Yep, sexual aggressiveness, manipulation, anger, physical aggressiveness, short temper, etc, etc, ad nauseum. The kind of guy that, in his opinion, would forcefully take something he thought he wanted and wasn't getting. You know what I mean.

I joke to people that I would not go out on a second date with a guy unless he gave me a sample of his handwriting. But it's not a joke. I wish I had learned this stuff 20 years ago.

What does it say? It says that COMING SOON: The Media Guy gets his handwriting analyzed.