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Friday, October 5, 2012

The Handwriting Sensei: PART ONE

ALERT: This entry of the Media Guy Struggles is an unreserved exchange that intermittently touches on mature subjects and language.
Let’s just say this: I have too many books in the works. The photography book. The Media Memoirs book. The English Diplomat Book. And…the Crazy Experiences book.

For the Crazy Experiences book, I wanted sent this query around the industry:

Have you ever been on a talk show? How about a game show? Do you have a behind-the-scenes story that will excite? If you have a great story, I want to hear from you. The best ones will be published in some form in an upcoming book.

My new bestie Theresa Ortega, a certified handwriting analyst at The Handwriting Sensei (, was among the seventy-five responders—and definitely the most fun. Her story is pretty entertaining and definitely book worthy…here goes…

I was invited to do a live radio show where I analyzed handwriting of the listeners. They had me analyze the staff first and all agreed that it was very accurate. The listeners had a great time as they faxed in their samples and I analyzed them live on the air. The Program Director was very interested in a personal analysis, as he wasn't on air with us. So, we sat in his office and I took a look at his handwriting. I noticed some, ahem, peculiar things about his physical appetites that were manifested in his writing. I was trying to come up with how I was going to tactfully tell this man that I saw some, well, kinkiness in his writing…it came to me quickly, and I've used it numerous times since. I gave him a few details about his personality traits, and then waited with the juicy revelation at the end, and I said, "It seems you have a certain, shall we say, penchant for sexual activity outside the norm." HIS EYES LIT UP LIKE A CANNON, he smiled a huge toothy grin, grabbed the paper and exclaimed, "REALLY?? Where do you see THAT??" So I proceeded to show him where I saw the strokes that indicated the traits.....he hooted and hollered, and yelled, "FUCKING A!!" and ran down the hall with the paper in hand, telling all who would listen, "Can you believe it?? SHE CAN TELL I'M A PERVERT!!! THAT IS AWESOME!!" He ran from office to office with his newly gleaned information...

Wouldn't it be great to know about someone just by the way they write? I know the Media Guy could definitely get a leg up if he could understand all of this. So when I spoke with Theresa I wanted to know if she could analyze MY handwriting?

Theresa Ortega: You lead a pretty exciting and interesting life. The hotel key card, AWESOME!!! Aaaargggh, I relate!  " the middle of Timbuktu".........heh heh heh....but the Abercrombie couple.......classic. Your life may not be all princesses and Miss Universes, but, it sounds rousing, so yes, I can analyze anyone's handwriting. It would be fun to analyze your handwriting.

Media Guy: Was the guy baiting you? Did he want you to respond like this and ask you out? I have a colleague who does crazy stuff like this to get clients and dates...
TO: Nope, no interest in me at all......he just ran around the studio like a crazy man, shouting, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? FUCKING A!! She can see I'm INTO THE KINK by my handwriting!!!!" and so on.......

MG: What do you charge for one of your sessions? Do you testify in court as an expert?
TO: It depends on what type of analysis it is. No, I am not a FDE (Forensic Document Examiner); that is a totally different certification. My work is mostly with relationship issues (personal and employment related), compatibility, self-esteem and self-improvement. 

MG: Tell me more about the rumor and the actor that wanted you off the set. Anyone famous? Did he/she have a reputation for doing this? What kid of show was it? What was the timeframe?
TO: No rumor, no actor. The guy was a Program Director for a local AOR radio station. No one famous. No reputation for doing this that I was aware of. Of course, I wasn't familiar with him, I only knew a few of the DJ's, and they had asked me to come on the show to analyze handwriting live as something fun and unique for their listeners. The show was a morning drive radio show, their demographic was probably males 16-25, maybe 16-40. It happened around 2000. And no, I would not have dated this guy after analyzing his handwriting!!

MG: Back to my handwriting analysis, should I be nervous? I’m on pins and needles!

TO: PINS AND NEEDLES??? Aww, c'mon, Michael, it won't be THAT bad!

A person such as yourself who is interested in self-discovery and self-improvement, believe me, I've rarely seen the psycho-killer traits in the I said, I won't be telling you anything about yourself that you don't already know, but most people are surprised at what can actually be gleaned from handwriting. (I will, hopefully, make you think about a few of the things I can see and mention, but don't know exactly what the full story may be. You will see what I mean. I always tell people that while I can see many things, in the end, I have no super powers, ESP, or crystal ball. It's all about stroke patterns and a very methodical examination of traits. I'm just a technician). 

MG: Tell me what kind of training you took to become an analyst.

TO: I studied via online/live classes for many years. We would do the audio part as a teleconference, and then the instructor would use a website to show the samples we were talking about before the webinar concept was perfected. Then attended our International Conference every year, where we got a chance to hear analysts from other disciplines (yes, there are several schools of thought on analysis/graphology), and I took the oral and written certification exam in 2007. This was through Bart Baggett's Handwriting University International. I passed, woohooo!!

Now I continue to attend trainings with other recognized analysts I've met across the country, such as Beverley East, Iris Hatfield, Sheila Lowe, Kathi McKnight, Treyce Montoya, Joseph Zarek, and so I've gotten to know several AMAZING graphologists in South America such as Evelyn Aguilera Arce and Mercedes Lapietra, who send me information in Spanish that I can't get here.

MG: Also who comes to you?

TO: Corporate event planners, trade show organizers, HR managers, charities, individuals. I've done everything from a 16-year-old boy's birthday party here in Terre Haute, to analyzing handwriting at the annual SHRM (Society for Human Resource Managers) Conference of 15,000 attendees in Atlanta, Georgia this past May!! Private events such as bachelorette parties, corporate fundraisers, corporate teambuildings, professional associations, art shows, college sports conferences, and much more.

MG: What's the average fee?

TO: Average fee? Well, I have a non-profit rate and a corporate rate, and I give a discount to the corporate group if they book me for 4 hours or more to analyze. Strictly analyzing, it's $125/hour non-profit, $300/hour corporate. My average personal analysis is around $200. Workshops and keynotes are $3,000-5,000.

MG: When my daughter brings a boy home should I do a handwriting analysis on him to make sure he's not a psychopath?

TO: Analyze boyfriends?? ABSOLUTELY!!! I can go more in depth on this later, but suffice it to say that I get a lot of college handwriting gigs due to my day job (I work at a student rec center at a university), and see a lot of young guys' handwriting. I've become alarmed at much of what I see lately, and one sample I was analyzing perturbed me quite a bit…so I sent it to my friend at the FBI. I told him all the stuff that bothered me and made me uneasy, and wanted him to verify if it was as bad as I thought. He came back to say that it was much WORSE than I thought.......and the sample ended up in his book as a perfect example of "red flag" behaviors that should be avoided in relationships. Yep, sexual aggressiveness, manipulation, anger, physical aggressiveness, short temper, etc, etc, ad nauseum. The kind of guy that, in his opinion, would forcefully take something he thought he wanted and wasn't getting. You know what I mean.

I joke to people that I would not go out on a second date with a guy unless he gave me a sample of his handwriting. But it's not a joke. I wish I had learned this stuff 20 years ago.

What does it say? It says that COMING SOON: The Media Guy gets his handwriting analyzed.