Radio Ads: The Secret Formula

Okay, so where am I?

I'm on a conference call with the big bosses of Strong Zero based in Tokyo trying to get them to change the radio ad that I penned. Why should I campaign for change? Take a look at the television version they made:

This is definitely NOT what I had in mind when they said they would float me an extra $800 in royalties for the added exposure on TV...Ugh...

All of this got me thinking about what makes a great radio ad. I have written nearly 100 radio commercials over the years. Some were great. Some were smart. Some were shlock. Nearly all worked and the clients were happy.

Why were they good? Well, I use a few principles that guide good copy. Take a journey with me...

A barn.
Blue skies.
A horse running through the fields.

A great image just came to your mind reading those words, right? But what color was the barn – red? What color was the horse – brown, white, black, spotted? And while the horse was running through the fields under the blue skies, was it a winter day with snow on the ground or were there wild flowers growing. Whatever your answer was, it doesn’t matter. The image that came to mind was relevant to you and that is the power of radio commercials.

Therein lies the the secret formula: regardless of who you speak to and who works on creating radio ads, they all share the same thought – ads on radio always tell a story and, if done well, it’s memorable.

When working on radio ads, here are some quotes that can help you remember what makes great radio.

“Speak softly…” While that may be a portion of President Roosevelt’s memorable phrase, it can also apply as advice if you want to get the listener’s attention. You could yell, and that might get the listener to remember you – remember that they don’t like you.

“I get no respect.” Yes, that’s a famous Rodney Dangerfield line and when he said it, it made people laugh. Humor doesn’t always work, and in fact it is difficult to pull off so you have to do it right.

“You really like me!” Sally, who wouldn’t like you? And like Sally Field, making sure that listeners like your commercials means that they will remember the message you send.

“I have a dream.” Those were the words of Martin Luther King.  Those words drive a strong and emotional reaction today as they did back in 1963.  Radio ads should always prompt an emotion – whether it is sad, funny, happy, etc.

“Rome was not built in a day.” Writing great radio takes time, patience, and work. Sometimes things that look good on paper may not sound.

“Tried and true.” Just because it’s been used before doesn’t mean it works. Keep away from clichés.

“If you build it, they will come.” Putting together a script for a great radio ad is good but why stop there? Make it great by putting just as much work into producing it as you did creating it.  You can’t fake the sound of someone running when creating a sneaker commercial.  It’s not believable and they won’t buy the product.  Now, have someone really run while speaking.  It takes it to a whole new level.

What is the most powerful use of sound?  Silence.  Sometimes the most effective sound is no sound at all.  It causes the listener to “lean in” and really hear the message.  When it comes to radio creative, silence really can be golden.

AD OF THE WEEK/MONTH/WHATEVER
Radio will surpass newspapers in local ad revenue by 2021

Usually I bring you a clever new or TBT ad to spark nostalgia or your creative energy. But today, I couldn't resist telling you that radio is growing again! A new report from industry giant BIA/Kelsey foretells digital ad spending for local radio stations will increase with the fastest growing segment not being over the air, but rather on digital platforms.

BIA/Kelsey’s 2017 Investing in Radio report details that the 2016 digital advertising income of U.S. radio stations was up 14 percent. Online radio includes locally targeted online streaming advertising on services like Pandora as well as online properties of over-the-air stations.

The report found that by 2021, radio will surpass newspapers and become the fifth-largest media category among advertisers. Over-the-air income raked in the biggest piece of the pie at over $14 billion.

“In an age where consumers have many entertainment choices, local radio maintains its strength and popularity in the marketplace among national and local advertisers,” said Mark Fratrik, SVP and chief economist at BIA/Kelsey.

Direct mail remains the most lucrative segment of local ad spending. Radio revenue is expected to hit $14.9 billion this year, and by 2021, it will top $16 billion, according to the report.

The news-talk category wins the most improvement category with robust presidential campaign spending taking Washington DC's WTOP to the top spot with $67 million in revenues. $67 million? Who know that local radio could generate like this?

Godzilla and His Loose Connection to Azerbaijan: Me

Okay, so where am I?

There's no truth that I was able to secure a plum seat ringside for the Mayweather v. Pacquiao at the MGM this weekend in Las Vegas...yeah, uh, $4,000 for a ticket just to get in is a bit too much.

And, I may or may not be in Azerbaijan looking at a way to make them famous to accompany their riches and somehow wipe away a few of their abuses aimed as journalists and (gulp) media people. 

However, what I can tell you is that I saw Godzilla's head being unveiled in grand style as he was appointed special resident and tourism ambassador for Tokyo's Shinjuku ward. His giant, steaming skull towered 171 feet above ground level at the Toho offices, the studio behind the original 1954 film...only in Japan!

NOTES ON THE SCORECARD:
So while I waited for my meeting to meet with execs about my Media Guy Struggles television pilot and selling it into the Asian market (yes, a Media Guy can still dream...), I cobbled together my top five recent crumbs/stories about media, traveling and advertising.

5. STILL IN THE DARK
Creator David Chase Analyzes The Final Scene Of 'The Sopranos' Shot By Shot
Eight years after it aired, the finale of "The Sopranos" continues to be hotly debated. David Chase explains how he created the excruciating tension of the last scene. What he won't say is what happened at the end.

4. WHERE CAN A GUY GET A TOBLERONE?
The Rise And Fall Of The Hotel Mini-Bar

It’s 2 AM. You’ve just returned to your hotel room after a night carousing on the town. The corner stores have long-since closed, and you’ve been left tipsy, alone, and in need of an after-hours morsel. And then, like some culinary apparition, it beckons you from the corner of the room: the hotel mini-bar.

3. 500 YEARS OF THE NYC SKYLINE
In One Time-Lapse Elevator Ride
The elevators to the observatory atop 1 World Trade Center show an animated time lapse that recreates the development of New York City’s skyline, from the 1500s to today.

2. BEFORE THE BUZZ WAS FED
The Time A Newspaper Stared Down The Country's Largest Advertiser
A little-remembered incident helped establish the notion that news organizations could and should preserve their independence from advertisers.

1. AD OF THE WEEK/MONTH/WHATEVER
German Old Spice
Just when you think the Old Spice commercials featuring Expendables star Terry Crews couldn't get any more strange or intense, you read a story in the trades the the spots are being dubbed in German! Talk about intensity. All of that sounds great on paper, until he opens his mouth. It’s almost as if they they didn’t even try to find a voice that sounds like him. Let's go to the video:

Bonus Story...

....and I think it should be noted that I am VERY funny... A new study in Psychology Today says guys who make you laugh are better in bed than guys who don't, Chicago Tribune reports. 

Yippie Ki Yay: Notes and Videos from Tokyo

Just enough time before Christmas to squeeze in a few tidbits from my latest trip in Japan.

So here I am knocking out the next season off Miss Pilot and in the middle of it I was called away to a wireless company prove how fast their data speeds are. How did I do it? I used the old fry shrimps in three seconds advertising metaphor...Impossible?

Take a peek:

All of this was happening while our friends in North Korea revealed their end game bullying Sony Pictures to pull the poorly conceived Interview from theaters in perpetuity. Who will save Sony from themselves? Perhaps Bruce Willis and Rudolph! Take a look at Fly Hard, a Die Hard/Rudolph Parody Trailer Movie Mashup:

My final bit of embarrassing work centers on my new ice cream commercial that began airing this week. (You may remember my previous headshaker from Lotte... However, this is ten times worse, but it pays the bills!:

At least there is Chocolate Eclair coffee at Starbucks here...More from Tokyo in the next column.

The Diva and Odd Travels through Japan

Okay, so where am I? 

Yes, I'm back in Tokyo wrapping up filming of my wacky and oddly-popular Japanese television show. Let me be the first to tell you that Japan is a lesson in culture shock. I mean every country has its quirks and eccentricities, but few are on par with this island when it comes to strange and unique activities. So, before I get to the 2:00 AM temperamental actress drama, let me tell you about some of the oddities I discovered.

THIGH-HIGHS

Click to enlarge.

Forget about permanent ink, the latest rage in the Japanese ad game is to have is an advertisement painted on your thighs. Oh believe it, Anime wannabees are renting out their thigh space to the highest bidders. According to the data, over three thousand women (aged 18 and older with 20+ connections on social media) have already signed up to pimp their legs out.

Some PR consultant named “Atsumi” (sorry this may be inaccurate because news stories fly at you faster than the dirty look your wife gives you when you’re “working late”) says that women’s thighs are the perfect place for a walking billboard. “Guys are eager to look at them and girls are okay with exposing their thighs.” (What a prince of a guy!)

The idea to use the human body as advertising space isn’t new. Some boxers have let their bodies do the speaking in big fights. The Legvertising guerrilla campaign by a New Zealand clothing company caused a big stir a few years ago when they used women’s legs to spread their message. It works though…everyone notices.

Note to self: Find out what the third picture means!

TOILETS

Narita Airport isn’t your standard Asian stopover … they have the best toilets. Never will a better buffet of bathroom choices be presented in a public room of rest. Seat warming, deodorization, massaging, cleansing of the buttocks -- Why are we Americans living in the dark ages of toiletry?

ROYALTY CHECKS

Back in the depths of my terrible 2012 disaster year (buy the book due in 2018 for details), I wrote and produced a TV commercial for culinary giant Lotte, a well-known purveyor of sweets and ice cream. The tasty Zacrich treat is vanilla ice cream wrapped in a crunchy cone and sealed with chocolate puff coating. The on-air talent consisted of seven gorgeous models-turned-actresses that were also known as The Zacrich Girls. (Okay, not the most innovative name, but hey, don’t blame me) and one wore sexy costumes shaped like the Zacrich ice cream. At the end of the commercial, the girls shriek” “Please take a big bite.” I never thought a lot about the work and I had imagined that most of them probably turned to thigh advertising. As it turns out, the thirty second ditty is quite popular and still running a full two years later, which begs the question: Where are my royalty checks?!

The irony of it all.

IRONY

Back in March, I smirked at the Dolby Theatre during setup days at the 2014 Oscars. I noted on my Flickr account that the Japanese actress on the left did her darnedest to gain attention with a press entourage of 50+. It was quite funny. The irony? She wound up working on my show.

THE 2:00 AM TEMPERAMENTAL DIVA

As the last hour of a party is very dangerous, the day before shooting a big scene carries the same peril. After all, that’s when the really dubious choices get made. Sure, have another drink. Take those mystery sugar cubes being offered by a stranger. Go home with an obviously bad idea. Visit your favorite screenwriter at his hotel room at two in the morning when your call time is six. Yes, there’s a small window when everything seems possible, between when the good times arc and when you wake up in a bear trap. The sense of possibility is thrilling, but it’s always a crap shoot how the day following those spontaneous choices will roll out: jubilation, lament, or all of the above?

Take my favorite diva (pictured in from my Instagram post) Izumi. She is a scintillating private actress in Asia. And no no, no that isn't "Hollywood Speak" for "adult actress." She does private one-woman shows for the affluent businessmen there. She is the toast of the aristocratic Asian CEO Party set. When she feared at twenty-nine that her youthful radiance was waning, because she wasn't getting the plum lead roles of Japanese television and cinema, she bullied her way into my show using her connections to elite Western European producers. Turns out that her part had a some juicy bits, including content that FX and AMC might be forced to run the traditional "Due to sexual content, viewer discretion is advised" placard before rolling the scene.

2:00 A.M is no time to pout.

The drama-filled rehearsals moved the dynamic and oft imperious personality of Izumi -- demanding, insisting, daring, improvising, brushing aside protocol, refusing to be dominated for long stretches. She was difficult, but talented.

Filming was set to begin only hours away when a pounding emanated from the thick door of my hotel suite at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. I opened the door without checking and in burst Izumi in her mini-mini skirt that barely covered her toned, long legs. Steam was surging from both of her ears.

She proceeded to park herself on my couch and demand a rewrite on her upcoming scenes because her co-star smelled so bad. It's easy to imagine the pent-up fury she felt when, after waiting years for a role she felt worthy of, she was stuck with this minor part and a co-star whom was scorning her pleas to bathe. I offered to call his people and request that he practice some basic hygiene but she was hell bent on getting the entire part redone, right then, right there. I told her I was going to sleep.

Wouldn't you know it? She started singing some K-Pop song and promised to keep going until the morning call time. The agony of listening to this madness drove me to call the show's producer. When I connected, he was none too happy and wanted an "immediate 20-word explanation." I explained and he said to call Izumi over and put her on the speakerphone. His terse thirty-second lecture sounded something like this:

When he was done with her, she picked up the phone's receiver and handed it to me. He informed me that she would not be bothering me anymore and wished be a good rest of the evening, assuring me I did the right thing, and hung up. The follow-up conversation went something like this:

ME: What did he tell you?
IZUMI: He said that if I bothered you again you would kill me.
ME: Kill you? You mean for real?
IZUMI: No. He said you would kill my character after I did the scene with the smelly guy.

EPILOGUE...The smelly guy wound up having to bathe and his character was killed by the end of the season.

BOWING

Bowing in Japan may be used as a greeting, introduction, show of respect or apology. There are several types of Japanese bow that are useful to know. But, let’s just say you want to avoid doing the Larry David S**T Bow:

I found this handy guide to bowing (note that the last five are apology bows because apparently you say sorry a whole lot if you live in Japan).

1. Greetings: It's common to give a little 10° nod of the head and shoulders to greet a friend. A similar gesture can be used to say goodbye. 
2. Introductions: In both formal and casual introductions it's expected to bow 30° with your upper body. It's important to keep your head and shoulders straight and hands to the side.  After exchanging meishi do a bow and hold for 1 second or so. There's no reason to keep eye contact during a bow (in fact it's considered bad form). Keep a distance to avoid bumping heads (it happens). If the person you're meeting is very important bow 45°. Never bow and shake hands at the same time. 
3. Bows of Respect: A bow is an expression of humility. It always indicates respect. 
4. Sports Bow: Another bow of respect is the bow between opponents before a sports match. This is often a shallow bow of 20°. 
5. Religious Bow: It's also common to bow to the gods at a Shinto shrine. This is often a shallow bow of the upper body. 
6. Martial Arts Bows: Japanese martial arts have their own conventions of bowing. Great respect is paid to your sensei (teacher). It's also important to show respect to your opponent. 
7. Bowing to Customers: In Japan, customers are considered gods (of sorts). It's common for staff to bow to customers. This is usually a bow of the upper body of around 20°. 
8. Bows of Thanks: If someone lets you ahead of them in line it's common to give a shallow bow of the head in thanks. It's even common for automobile drivers to bow to each other for small courtesies. 
9. Performance Bow: As in the West, it's common for performers to bow in response to applause. This is usually a shallow bow. Here Geisha perform a very deep bow. 
10. Mild Apology: A mild apology involves a bow with the head of 10°. This can be used if you bump into a stranger or cause a minor inconvenience to someone. For example, if someone holds the elevator doors for you. Say sumimasen (excuse me or I'm sorry). 
11. Regular Apology: If your boss is mad at you — a 45° bow of the upper body is in order. Hold the bow for 5 seconds. Say sumimasen deshita (I'm sorry for what I did). 
12. Serious Apology: Let's say you're a company CEO and your company releases a defective product. At the press conference you may apologize with a long 45° bow of the upper body. It may be appropriate to hold the bowing position for 15 or 20 seconds. Say moushiwake gozaimasen deshita (I'm very sorry for what I did). 
13. Panic Apology: Let's say you're a waiter and you spill hot coffee all over a customer. You may do a 45° bow over and over again to indicate how sorry you are. Repeat moushiwake gozaimasen (I'm very sorry) with each bow. 
14. Very Serious Apology: Let's say you've committed a serious crime and you're apologizing to the victims. You would bow from a kneeling position. Say makoto ni moushiwake gozaimasen deshita (I sincerely apologize for what I did).

OTHER ODDITIES

Faux surgical masks are standard faire for plan rides and public transportation.

Lloyd's brand microphones are still the rage for many press conferences.

The Zacrich Girls take a big bite!

Apparently Tommy Lee Jones doesn't smile in Japan either...

...whatever you do, don't miss highlights from the previous season...

...people sit behind ice blocks at Icebar Tokyo and after paying an entrance fee of 3500 Yen (which includes one drink), customers can borrow a coat upon entry. Everything in the bar including the counter, the wall, table, glasses, chairs are made from blocks of ice cut from Sweden's Torne river...

Note: Some pictures were contributed.

OSCAR WEEK 2014: Magically Wet

Mother Nature must be mad at the Oscars.

Perhaps her invitation came late. Or not at all.

From the looks of it, she got impatient and decided to crash the party. And such, rain crushed Hollywood over the past few days.

So there I was, searching the red carpet for stories, rain pelting me and my Canon as Japanese starlets and Latin American television anchors tried in vain to get their pre-Oscars segments filmed before deadline. Then the skies opened up and buckets of water cascades from almost nowhere.

And when the water rushed over my Ferragamos, I had to runaway from the tarped red carpet. Winding my way through the labyrinth of photographers, cameramen and security, I magically wound up smack dab in the middle of Oscars rehearsals. That badge I dutifully wore around my neck all week was my Willy Wonka Golden Ticket to see the stars walk through their lines.

Wouldn't you know it? The star of the rehearsal was Angelina Jolie's leg. You remember that leg, don't you? During the 2012 Oscars, she stuck her lovely appendage through the long slit in her gown during the show and the leg became the instant sensation. To commemorate it all a tribute song hit the charts and a Twitter account (@AngiesRightLeg) caught fire. Now it's right back

where it belongs: on stage.

As she wrapped her part of the rehearsal, she broadcasted with a laugh, "And then I go like this."

She then teasingly thrust her leg forward.

The fan in me marveled at her statuesque look and minimalistic style...gray sweatshirt, black leggings and a pair of pumps. The Media Guy in my wondered how I could get her to read my script. I settled for marveling.

Amy Adams, who is pulling double duty as presenter and best actress (American Hustle) nominee arrived at the Dolby Theatre in rain boots, which, as a true red-carpet-ready veteran, she instantly traded for sky-high silver stilettos. She lovingly bemoaned, "I am never going to be off camera," Adams said. "I am really going to have to behave."

Dallas Buyers Club Best Actor nominee Matthew McConaughey promised more cutting edge formal wear vowing that his primary color selection is "going to be hot pink." 

So what about this rain? In my Fox News Entertainment article that just posted a little while ago, I basically said, "The Show Will Go On..."

Despite a freak winter rain storm causing flooding and power outages throughout LA County, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences organizers anticipate no disruption for the 86th Oscars in Hollywood despite most forecasts calling for more showers.

“We’ve been monitoring weather patterns for weeks,” AMPAS communications chief Teni Melidonian said. “We have this covered literally and figuratively.”

To ensure that Jennifer Lawrence and other nominees reach the front door of the Dolby Theatre without getting wet, the Academy has unleashed an army of workers to cover the exposed red carpet.

The only area that will be exposed Sunday is on the street where the limos will be dropping off their precious cargo. The plan is to have dozens of Academy staffers on hand with umbrellas to provide the needed cover.

“We would prefer viewers at home to see sunshine, but otherwise nothing will be different for the red carpet show than any other year,” Melidonian said.

The red carpet for the Academy Awards was covered in very unglamourous plastic.

OSCAR WEEK 2014: Dreaming in Gold

Once upon a time, a boy dreamed of winning an Oscar. He wrote and wrote and wrote. Fingers numb and calloused as he searched for the perfect combination of words that created the scenes that would ultimately build a story that could be made into movie that would move the soul. 

This movie would go on to limp through the box office race, yet be critically acclaimed and eventually get a big publicity push and receive an Academy Award nomination for best screenplay. 

Eventually, a majority of the Academy voters—comprised mostly of Caucasians (94%) and males (77%)—would select the little script and the boy’s name would engraved in the envelope called during the live ABC telecast from the Dolby Theater.

Yes, a Media Guy can dream. As a matter of fact, dreaming on the red carpet would make an excellent ad campaign for the show one year. After all, we all dream in gold, right?

And dream I did as the red carpet was cobbled together at Hollywood and Highland over the golden stars of the Hollywood Walk of Fame across from the El Capitan movie theater. In a couple of days the world’s greatest stars—Leonardo DiCaprio, my one-time golfing buddy Matthew McConaughey, Amy Adams and my future ex-wife Jennifer Lawrence, among others—will be strutting in their $15,000 Haute Couture and Armani tuxedos.

One thing I know for sure is that the Academy Awards is a dream for ABC television. Ad rates for the show are up about 10% to a lofty $1.8 million for thirty seconds of ad time. For those of you keeping score, that’s the second priciest chunk of air time on television. (For those of you living in a cave deprived of proper media, the Super Bowl is the costliest at the astronomical rate of $4 million for a 30-second spot.) If you're choking on the costs, check out this fact: Last year, each commercial was seen by an average of 40+ million viewers. That’s a whole of lot of exposure.

Oh goodness, forty million viewers! I just got a little more nervous practicing my would-be acceptance speech that may not happen for another decade or so.

As a started doubting myself, and pondered what I would do if I didn’t win that beautiful eight-pound statue named after some golden age star joked it looked like her Uncle Oscar, I was told by a reporter from People Magazine (or was it US Weekly?) that each nominee gets an $80,00 SWAG bag. 

A peek into the goodies in the SWAG bag.

You know what SWAG is right? SWAG stands for “Stuff We All Get" (I think). In this case, only the nominees get this level of stuff—all assembled nicely by the LA-based marketing firm Distinctive Assets. What kind of stuff you ask?

We start with a $15,000 tour of Japan, vacations to Mexico and Hawaii, a $9,000 trip to Las Vegas that includes a face-to-face with all or some of the Boyz II Men, a $2,700 O-shot procedure (what’s that? why, of course, a vaginal rejuvenation and enhancement…yikes!), his-and-hers Mace guns, along with various candy maple syrup and artwork.

Time to call my agent because I need that sweet SWAG bag and get into the Oscars nominations discussion. It’s time to walk the red carpet instead of work it.

Writer's Block? Get to Ojai...

“Writer’s block is only a failure of the ego.”

― Norman Mailer

Good old Norman had a lot of Hemingway in him. Direct and strong, no time for weakness. You could say he was very Hemingway-esque. No matter, because he pumped out some great work. Most us though can't power through the writers block and put our egos aside. それらの言葉は、単にあなたのアメリカのキーボードの日本人のように見えたとき、When those words simply look like Japanese on your American keyboard, maybe you have to get away like one of those Southwest commercials:

When the Media Guy feels like that [yes! I just went third person], I zip out to Ojai, California.

In peaceful Ojai, tranquility shimmers in the air with inimitable, artful panache. Whether you’re on one of the world-class golf courses, browsing one of the funky art galleries or amidst the fascinating history of the idyllic valley, you’ll always feel at home with smiles in the heart. Here’s my Friday to Sunday writer's block relief guide for your senses.

See

Ted Gall (805/646-4273; www.theodoregall.com) cut his teeth in the sixties as an animator and evolved into an international bronze and stainless steel artisan. Evoking power and grace, his metal sculptures must be seen to fully appreciate the scope of his work.

Touch

The renowned Ojai Culinary School at the Lavender Inn (210 East Matilija Street; 805/646-6635) lets you prepare your own meals with cooking demos from visiting chefs and local artisan cooks. Your class is tailored to your skill levels and the type of meal you crave.

Hear

Beatrice Woods iconic Blandman's Ball Artwork

The Beatrice Woods Center for the Arts (8560 Ojai-Santa Paula Road; Ojai, 805/646-3381) is the place to hear your heart beat. Frightening quiet with panoramic views of Happy Valley, the one-time home of Annie Besant, the area’s quintessential supporter of progressive movements, is now a center for arts and enrichment. Take the docent tour for an insight into the wild times there.

Sleep

The tranquil garden retreat that is the Emerald Iguana Inn (110 Pauline Street; 805/646-5277, from $198/night) welcomes you with majestic trees and the sounds of water at this romantic getaway.

Taste

Boccali’s (3277 Ojai-Santa Paula Road; 805/646-6116) is an organic dream, featuring menus consisting entirely of fresh produce picked and delivered daily from the family’s Upper Ojai farm. The most incredible tomatoes and freshly prepared pasta dishes this side of Tuscany. Don’t forget the vine.

Smell

Lilacs and lilies mingle with the aroma of pine, oak and citrus in the International Garden of Peace at Meditation Mount (10340 Reeves Road in Ojai; 805/646-5508; Open Wed-Sun only).

At the end of it, you can channel your inner Mailer or Hemingway or Ogilvy and produce brilliant works like so:

Perhaps "brilliant" is overstated, but it pays the bills. Enjoy Ojai.