Everyone Needs a Muse - A Tribute to Glenn Frey

Okay, so where am I?

It's been a busy week for the Media Guy!

I'm in Hollywood this week with what seems like LL Cool J Week. First, I run into him at the fabulous Redbury filming NCIS: Los Angeles and today I watched him get the 2571st star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Usually I only see LL Cool J at the Grammys, but twice in one week? With all the broo-ha-ha about diversity in Hollywood (well-deserved I might add), there was some front and present at the Hard Rock Cafe on Hollywood Boulevard with Diddy and Queen Latifah flanking him with his new star after the hour-long ceremony. At least this took my mind off the deaths of some the greats in entertainment, namely Alan Rickman, David Bowie and Glenn Frey.

I took the first two pretty hard. I mean who doesn't get a chill when Hans Gruber implores his ballet terrorist buddy Alexander Godunov to "shoot, the glass" or when you hear the David Bowie and Freddy Mercury wax poetic about being under pressure?

But Glenn Frey? The Eagles? That's another level of loss. That a loss of inspiration. Seriously, when I heard that he passed away, a tear crept down my face (much like the three that streamed down when I heard the Rocky theme crescendo in Creed). It wasn't planned. It was just there. Like a stomach punch of epic proportions.

As an ad man you need inspiration. The Eagles provided that from when I was a just a kid and took me to a different place as the idea man working in New York. Don Draper had his old fashioneds and his women. I had the Eagles.

What was great about the Eagles is that, for me, it took me to a place I could not get by myself emotionally. Glenn Frey may have said it best when he reflected that "people do stuff to the Eagles." They go on drives. They dance. They get intimate. A lot of music you just chill with and listen to at home. The Eagles were different altogether.

For me, I created. When I was a kid, I created stories that I hoped would be turned into movie and television scripts. As an adult I create commercials and ad campaigns. Some of my better work had the Eagles as a soundtrack in my head. Maybe everyone has that soundtrack where they find their spot. The Eagles were/are my road map to creative success.

I mean, this is the kind of ad you whip up when you don't have a muse like the Eagles driving your creative energy:

The Bloomingdale's holiday date rape print ad for the retailer shows an image of a woman and a man with a very questionable headline between them. The headline reads, "Spike your best friend's eggnog when they're not looking." It was quickly followed with a pullback from corporate:

Like I said, this is what you get without the Eagles...yet I digress...

As America's greatest band, they were a success outside of their Eagles work. Much like the Beatles (each of the Fab Four had success in music and business in addition to their Beatles' work), the Eagles found greatness with their individual work as well. Don Henley and Joe Walsh found stardom on their own. But Frey was beyond that. Even his bit work on Miami Vice and Jerry McGuire stood out to me. I felt like his talent made my talent better. When therapy was needed, and it was (try working at an advertising agency for month with all of those insane client demands), the Eagles were always there driving me to a place to confront the demons.

Let's just say that it there were a biopic of my life, the producers would have to pay a fortune in royalties to ensure the Eagles are playing in most scenes.

RIP Glenn Frey:





RIP Hans Gruber (aka Alan Rickman) ... apologies to Harry Potter fans, but he will be forever Hans Gruber:



RIP David Bowie:

The Media Guy's Sack

Has it been that long? Over a year since I grabbed my sack...of mail? As usual, I resisted and resisted, but the mailbox is overflowing and alas, you need answers. So, without fanfare, here are the highlights of genuine emails from my irreverent readers.

Question: Knife to your throat, who's the next sweetheart of American Television? We thought it was going to be January Jones and she went sideways with her off screen antics. Then we thought it was going to be Blake Lively and then she got married. I'm banking on Emma Watson now that she ditched Mr. Potter. What say you?

—Bobbie, Oklahoma City

Media Guy: My money goes directly into the account of "Mad Men" and "Community" star Alison Brie, who may just be the most under-rated perfect woman working in Hollywood. Insane you say? Nope. Take a look at Smirnoff Vodkas new series of television and Internet "Party at Adam Scott’s” house commercials. She plays herself through the spots as the hangs with Derek Huff and cleverly debates the merits of new age vodka claim.

Watch all six and you'll see why I've sold my Selena Gomez stock and put it all into Mrs. Pete Campbell. Speaking of Selena...I saw her a few months back and she couldn't have been nicer...

The Selena Encounter: click here

Q: Saw your chance encounter with Selena [Gomez] at the Grammys, nice work, but I just saw the story where she fired her parents.

—M Miller, Los Angeles

MG: Well apparently they already disapprove of their daughter dating Justin Bieber, so it may not have come as much of a surprise to Selena Gomez's parents when she fired them. Perhaps they had a Jack Woltz-Tom Hagen dinner where they thought that Bieber may pull a Johnny Fontaine...

Q: Whatever happened to models on magazines? Print used to make models into celebrities. Now the celebrities are pushing models back to the runway. Or is it my imagination.

MG: It's not just Maxim and Playboy that use sex appeal to sell magazines. Women's magazines, men's magazines, music magazines -- they're all using sexy celebrities to move paper. Even Julia Louis-Dreyfus the greatest female comedienne of all time, is getting into the act.

—S Willson, Stamford, Ct.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" you say? What about Lucille Ball or even Ellen DeGeneres? Certainly they brought more to the small screen than the heiress to the Louis Dreyfus Energy Services fortune, right? No, no, no my friends. Three Emmys for Actress in a Leading Role and the lead female during the first renaissance of Saturday Night Live say it all. (Plus, Ellen and Lucy never looked that good on the cover of a magazine.) Here are some of the hottest covers I found from the past few years.

Q: Is Cinemax in trouble with that starlet lawsuit they were levied with?

—Barbara W., Boston

MG: Oh yes, Anne Greene certainly caused a stir when her lawsuit said she was “bullied into performing nude scenes, sexually harassed and placed in a dangerous work environment.” I mean, really! Who would have expected this type of filming on a network nicknamed "Skinemax"?! I showed her sizzle reel to a few of my female friends (READ: not girlfriends, female friends) just to get their unedited reaction. Here it was …

“Is she acting or did she stub her toe or what? (Staring.) She doesn't want to take her clothes off? What’s the deal? She'll never work without being a body double or stripping down for Skinemax. (Short pause.) Ugh! AMAZING.”

Q: I’m a bit worried that Cadillac may implode after that disastrous Olympics television ad campaign. If I took a shot of vodka every time I yelled at the TV in between luge and skiing runs I would have been literally drunk for a month.

—Maggie Hazelton, Falls Church, VA

MG: I guess it's time to dust of the open letter I half penned to Alan Batey, Executive Vice President and President, General Motors North America:

Geez man.

What happened to your smart Cadillac advertising campaign?

You remember the one announced last fall? The one where your campaign was supposed to lean on American Dream and our values where the notion still exists that that everyone can create his or her own destiny. The one where Cadillac was supposed to be painted as a more-accessible car than it has been?

"Work Hard. Be Lucky."

Sounded pretty hot to this Media Guy.

Especially since it was a definite departure from the messaging that General Motors has leaned on previously to market Cadillac. It seemed they finally would depart from the stuffed-shirt wealthy white guy ads they used for decades and the more recent “sexy Kate Walsh” commercials. "The Standard of the World," as it was touted for nearly one hundred years, looked to be shuttered as Cadillac's marketing team charted a new course for luxury automobiles.

And then they introduced the “Poolside” ad for the 2014 Cadillac ELR:

Let's just say that the spot— relentlessly aired during the Olympics—wasn't the darling of the masses.

As I scoured the reviews of media critics, terms like "vaguely sociopathic," "the single most obnoxious television ad ever made," and "sick…stressed…stupid" leapedfrom the pages of pundits. From the back seat of my palatial media room (a wicker chair and a 50” plasma – nothing special), it’s easy to see why. The ever-cool actor Neal McDonough is ideally suited to play the heavy and has quite nicely for the past decade. But to sign him as the guy who is supposed to represent hard work, yet is really the guy who lives in the hills that everyone resents is horrifying.

Mr. Batey, I could continue and pitch my wares as your would-be media consultant, but I'm going to join Maggie in a shot or two as we yell at the youtube clips!

Q: I give up. Social media can do whatever they want. Can't you be the social media commissioner and reel in the beast?

—Davida Bryant, Cleveland, OH

MG: I want to inform you of something right now — there is no love lost between the Katherine Heigl and Duane Reade and Social Media. THESE THREE DO NOT LIKE EACH OTHER! And I want to tell you something else — I'm loving it! You don’t see this stuff enough in the media. I hope you're reading the battle Heigl is waging with New York pharmacy giant Duane Reade after they looked to capitalize on her shopping at the store. $6 million in damages; that's heady stuff.  David Griner of Adweek just wrote an amazing piece on "4 Ways to Avoid Being Sued by a Celebrity Over a Tweet." You should read the entire article, but here is the Griner's Top 4:

1. Get permission (which you're probably not going to do, so skip to No. 2).
2. Retweet without commentary.
3. Say you're flattered, and be transparent.
4. If they ask you to take it down, take it down.

David, and ladies and gentlemen: Your new social media commissioner...David Griner.

Q:  What ever happened to Margrét, Your New Favorite Amazon Model?

—Sezen A, Istanbul

MG: I just spoke with her and she is rather excited:

"I’m one of the top models being considered for an amazing week-long nude photography workshop! Here’s how they describe this workshop: 'If you’ve ever wanted to explore and photograph some of the most amazing (secret) locations in the southwest – like magnificent slot canyons, massive red rock arches, historic Anasazi ruins from the 1200′s, towering ‘tapestry’ cliff walls, petroglyphs, sweeping panoramic vistas and more – all surrounded by emerald green water and only accessible by boat – PLUS work with beautiful nude models and learn one-on-one with master photographers – taking your photography to the next level – this is your chance. This workshop only has 2 spots left – don’t miss out on this photographic adventure of a lifetime.' I am super pumped and working hard every day to get in amazing shape. Only brown rice and steamed veggies for this girl."

And with that my friends, the Media Guy is out of here...

Nude Modeling

It’s been a whirlwind month.

It’s award season. That means that my trusty Canon and I have traveled the red carpets around Los Angeles and Hollywood at the American Music Awards, the Golden Globes and the Grammys. And let's not forget that the Oscars are only a month away... 

Lots more on Instagram

It also means that my Japanese television drama, Miss Pilot, started filming another season in Tokyo, fully replete the super Asian divas and a giant language barrier…

So you can imagine how delightful it was that I was finally back in my office hunkered down imagining another communication plan and wondering if my Clio nomination was going to gain any traction.

Yes, just another day at the office.

Then the phone rang shattering the silence of thinking into a million pieces. The call from my side went something like this:

“Modeling, huh?”

“Oh. Nude modeling?”

“Interesting…”

Twenty-five hours later I was in my car trying to find the art studio in the middle of North Hollywood’s newly fashionable NoHo Arts District. It was time to attend my first nude modeling art class.

The media guy in me was intrigued.

The male in me was intrigued even more. Would the next Marilyn Monroe be there? An unknown beauty perhaps? How would my drawing be?

So there I was, the only guy (read: The Media Guy) in the room. Blue pencil poised, ready to sketch the sleek lines of tan-legged, cash-strapped sorority co-ed and then, my world changed all at once. In sauntered a guy in a silky white robe. I hoped he was someone eccentric who painted his best in a modified smock of sorts. Then it happened. He dropped his robe and stood tall, possessed with the body of an Adonis.

I wondered what was going through his mind. Was a room full of people studying his nakedness appealing? Was it arousing? Was modeling lucrative? I let out a huge smirk as this scenario hit my mind:

I was very quickly distracted from my self-induced humor as I listened to the instructor explain the way she wanted him to pose.

“Lay on the floor on your right side with your back to the students.”

His legs were extended to my left and his right elbow was propped up on a chair, curving his spine and bringing his shoulders parallel with the floor. And guess what? His manhood was pointed right at me, staring me straight in the eye. I must say that he commanded the room as the nine women in attendance busily mapped out his body on their linen sheets. The students began to draw. And me? I began to meditate.

This was definitely not my gig—so far things were not going according to plan.

All of the sudden there was a commotion in the back of the class as the back door slammed open and there she was. Six-foot tall, also clad in a silky white rope (is that the art class model’s uniform?). So was an Amazon for sure. My savior angel had arrived; someone to distract me from the anaconda slithering in front of me. Oh goodness, I had never been so far out of my element.

At the end of the session, the male model shook hands with everyone but me. It seems I my little giggle at the top of the class was highly offensive (ooops!). However, Margrét, my new favorite Amazon model stuck around after class to look at the artwork created in her likeness. She was particularly interested in mine, as I drew her very modest and with an interesting angle.

I spoke with her a bit—I mean why not?—surely I wasn’t getting this account and I had offended nearly everyone who was in the room at the start of the class. Making a new friend was my only hope to salvage this day.

Media Guy: I noticed that you didn’t follow the instructor’s suggestions on how to pose, why?

Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model: She couldn’t expect me to really lie down like the guy. They was he was dangling like that was embarrassing for even me and I have seen it all! That and the fact that I was growing out my, uhhhhhhhhhh, uhhhhhhhm, “carpet” for a 1960s pinup photo shoot that had to be authentic for this insane French photographer, Dr. Y., who demands everything be about the details. Talk about swampy! That’s me and my jungle.

MG: At least it’s a good payday, right?

MMNFAM: Now, one thing about Frenchy Dr. Y is that he’s generous to a fault. Since our friendship has long transcended the What’s-Your-Price-rigamarole, he doesn’t pay me for my time anymore. He just flies me around the world and enjoys lavishing gifts on me. Aside from taking me to some amazing dinners, and plying me with Vegas’s finest overpriced booze, he also brought me a bag full of gifts — just like Santa Claus!

MG: And these 1960s pinups? Have you ever done them before?

MMNFAM: [Smiles] I did that ’60s pinup shoot before with a British photographer. Yes, I was growing everything out, and we did the shoot in this amazing retro car store, but the day of the shoot was super effing hot and humid. It was one of those 110-degree days, dammit! The place isn’t air-conditioned, only swamp-cooled. To make matters worse, I couldn’t really blast the a/c in the cab on the way there for fear of messing up my beehive. I was so freaking hot when I got there that the second I walked in the store I ripped off my dress and stood there nude, fanning myself madly with my appointment book. I didn’t realize that the store was still open to the public during the shoot. I made a lot of friends and a lot of enemies that day....Just like you did today! [more smiles]

EPILOGUE

Back at the office a few days later I had to report to my would-be client that I wasn't the the right guy to take this job. Alas, Margrét is going to join me on my next round of wedding crashing. At least I made a new friend.

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UPDATE: March 9, 2015 ... PART II can be read here: Catching up with Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model