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Thursday, June 9, 2011

A funny thing happened when I reached for my Armani suit...

That's so weird. I was going to celebrate the completion of my second screenplay yesterday with a few posts about various things, when I took a break for a quiet dinner with two buddies. One Stella led to another — as Stellas often do — and I woke up hours later in the Fox Studios lot. We all had How I Met Your Mother tattoos on our faces. Somehow I got Barney.

Not really, but I felt that way tonight during a massive case of writers block. I was searching for the right ad copy and the thought crossed my mind, “If you sell your soul to the devil, do you have to claim it on your taxes?” 

It’s an interesting idea because every time I reach for that Armani suit I bought in 1994, I say with a sigh, “What I wouldn’t do to fit back into this sucker again.” Which brings me to my joke of ironies…a funny thing happened to me on my way to looking great.

So, BAM, I get this email saying Ryan Murdock and Adam Steer are ready to save my fitness day. Even if you're not familiar with these two, you might have seen them around the internet firming up the earthly bodies of even the most desperate soul. Truth is these bodyweight experts have just the recipe to make you a superhero of sorts…or at least to make you look like one.

Tell me if any of this sounds familiar:

You’ve hauled ass at the gym and starved yourself on miserable diet plans, all for the sake of looking great. But you're frustrated because not a damned thing happened to your physique. Those granola and yogurt breakfasts and almond lunches only made your soft, unshapely body just plain hungry for change.

Why did every plan you tried fail you? Because most exercise and nutrition programs only focus on losing or gaining weight — not on changing your shape. “That means you either lose fat and muscle together, or you gain muscle and fat together,” says Murdock. “You wind up with the same soft physique. I wouldn't call it "shapeless", because it is a shape... big in all the wrong places and small in all the worst places!”

Murdock went on to tell me that the Shapeshifter P6 Training Elements solve this sad body dilemma by honing in on all six of the essential factors within exercise, nutrition and lifestyle. “Dialing all of them in simultaneously creates a surgical strike that re-shapes your body before your very eyes,” he concluded, “Putting on some muscle or tone in just the right places, and carving off fat in just the right places. But better get a good lawyer — that new hot body of yours might just cause someone whiplash...”

So while I focused on what my new “body redesign” would look like, I imagined if my new superhero girlfriend could measure up to some of the greatest of all time. Here’s my top five:

5. Famke Jannsen in X:2
4. Liv Tyler in The Incredible Hulk
3. Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman
2. Kim Basinger in Batman
1. Teri Hatcher in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman

As I came back down to Earth and to reality, I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about selling my soul to get The Shapeshifter’s free Launchpad program ( Who knows, Famke could be waiting around the corner in just six days.