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Friday, February 17, 2012

The Bachelor…ABC Television’s guilty pleasure

I watch it because I wonder if people are really like this or not. I watch it for the single guy who always seems to be falling in love with six women at a time. I watch it for the women who smile and then eviscerate each other at the drop of a bikini top. And, I almost forgot, there’s more drinking going on than at Senor Frog’s on a Saturday night.

Most wouldn't expect this type of beauty from Belize.
So Monday, I sat down to watch in my television salute to Valentine’s Day.

This week’s destination brought the six remaining contestants and Ben to the tropical island of Belize. For those of you who whom I haven’t bored to death with my travel stories, I want to tell you that I love Belize. It’s ingrained into the fingerprint of my heart. I was there last year for the burgeoning Belize Film Festival that showcases pristine beaches and a renewed thirst for tourism. My first real girlfriend was from there and not only was her beauty representative of the people there, but her essence lit up the room when she entered. You’ll find those qualities nearly everywhere you go and everyone you meet.

This episode really pushed the envelope on adventure tourism. Swimming with sharks, jumping from helicopters into the ocean, lobster diving. You name it and it was probably happening. There were snakes. Well, only one snake: the vicious viper Courtney. The model who manipulates the lip-smacking, floppy-haired Bachelor Ben, with her evil web of Machiavellian dating. Summoning the venom that would make any poisonous succubus envious, Courtney makes The Bachelor worth watching despite the water cooler talk from the ladies who say, “I want to kick her in the neck!”

The head viper: Courtney
This week she made out with Ben on top of a Mayan temple while millions of Americans fumed and screamed at the television. Courtney, oh Courtney, you are one evil raptor that stalks the reality show landscape. However, for me that’s not what enraged my spirit. What also enrages me most is why Ben takes credit for all of these dates. His pseudo-humble bragging “I have a great date planned. We are going to take a helicopter to the top of some Mayan ruins that most people can only dream of…” Then the girls gush about how romantic he is and how he really cared to plan the perfect day. I thought maybe I was being jealous of Big Ben, but my text messages from buddies who also indulge in the spectacle of The Bachelor, let me know that he’s sliding by on the merits of his party planning producers.

We all know that he didn’t plan that those sumptuous outings. It was most likely some assistant producer that staked out Belize a year prior that planned these dates. Or perhaps it was some poor marketing schlub who didn’t even get to go there who worked out the logistics one early morning with the representatives from the Belize Tourism Authority. You know marketing guys/girls and football linemen really get the short end of it all. They do the heavy lifting and protect the stars of this world. But, the minute one thing out of 100 goes awry, they take the worst of the abuse. Yet I digress…

"Hey Ben, just stop the madness..."
Shout out to Ben: Stop taking credit for the elaborate romantic dates and let the ladies know it won’t be like this when you have to start picking grapes at your vineyard in harvest season!

…and back to the show…

Next week are the hometown dates, so this week was critical to whom Ben will ultimate choose to be the next Bachelor relationship that breaks up right after the reunion show. For those of you who don’t know what a hometown date is, it’s when Ben gets to meet the families of the Final Four Women. (Note: you don’t meet his family unless you make the Final Two.) Now those hometown dates will cause some serious shrinkage (if you know what I mean), and fast when you go and meet the families might be a tad off [read: weirdos]. It happens all of the time. Remember last season when Brad went to Shawntel N’s hometown and saw her handiwork as the funeral director? He couldn’t get on his ABC-sponsored chartered jet fast enough. Next week is really the apex of the season. Do yourself a favor and don’t miss it.

So for one hour and fifty-five minutes they teased it to the end if Courtney would get the rose or not. But in the end, even after a side conversation in the middle of the rose ceremony, Ben kept Courtney. The sad part was that he sent home the fun-loving, out going, real girl Emily to keep an average-looking mean-spirited model who can’t get along nicely with others.

Next week is really the apex of the season. Do yourself a favor and don’t miss it. Watch it here: Season 16, Episode 7.

Who wouldn't want to make out with the person of their choice  on the top of a Mayan ruin?

Happy post Valentine’s Day. Watch the show here: