The Do's and Don'ts of Rejection

Before I get too deep, there's been a lot of crosstalk, emails, and text messages talk about the usage of "do's and don'ts"...I want to clarify this for all of the Grammar Nazis out there...:

"Dos and Don'ts" or "Do's and Don'ts"? The spelling of do's and don'ts is inconsistent.

Generally, you don't use apostrophes to make words or abbreviations plural (e.g., CDs, 1970s, books), but English has a few exceptions. For example, you can use apostrophes when they help eliminate confusion, which happens most often with single letters. Mind your p's and q's is the typical spelling, and we write that the word aardvark has 3 a's, not 3 as.

Dos and don'ts is an especially unusual exception. The apostrophe in the contraction doesn't seems to make people want to use an apostrophe to make do plural (do's and don'ts), but then to be consistent, you'd also have to use an apostrophe to make don't plural, which becomes downright ugly (do's and don't's).

Style guides and usage books don't agree.

• The Chicago Manual of Style and others recommend dos and don'ts.
• The Associated Press and others recommend do's and don'ts.
• Eats, Shoots & Leaves recommends do's and don't's.

What Should You Do? Unless your editor wishes otherwise, if you write books, spell it dos and don'ts; and if you write for newspapers, magazines, or the Web, spell it do's and don'ts. If you're writing for yourself, spell it any way you want. Just be consistent.

Okay, so now that I sorted out the dos and don'ts of do's and don'ts*, where am I?

The day started like any other day.

-Wake up at 5:00 A.M. write and re-write my book.
-Revisit rewrites for the Japanese television show.
-Envision my real work day and map out meetings.
-Buy my lottery ticket.
-Drive 14 miles down the 101 freeway through Hollywood to work.
-Be a genius.

Same old, same old.

Little did I know the day would end with yours truly locked in a death dance with the worst form of evil this town has ever known.

The first sign of paranormal activity appeared around 2:00p. I had just reviewed the bottom end analytics on yet another incredible recruitment campaign when the temperature started going crazy in my office. One moment, the air was boiling hot and the next, it was colder than a Antartica spa.

The next sign was when one of our vendors popped in. Normally, I don’t mind these guys dropping by to say hello, but this woman comes in every few days. Fed up, I was about to ask her to cut back on the social calls when her eyes glazed over and her voice went flat. “I’m sorry, Michael. I’ve been selfish and your time is valuable.” And then she turned and left.

Drastic temperature changes in a Hollywood office? A considerate vendor? What the heck was going on?

The brown stuff really hit the fan when I came back from lunch and found the floor empty. As in, where the heck was everyone? And to make matters worse, the power had gone out and the emergency lights were on, casting a red hue over the entire office.

I moved carefully down the hall, searching for signs of life. That’s when a misty figure stepped out of the shadows. Her movements were stiff and unnatural. Then others appeared. More and more. They all looked vaguely familiar.

The woman stumbled over, her eyes deader than the future of non-cloud-based media. “Do you not remember me?” I shook my head and explained that I meet a lot of people in my line of work.

“I am the memory of the first client you ever dropped.”

That’s right!

Her name was Susan something or other. Her business didn’t produce a single competitive product during our year together so I was forced to drop her. And that’s when the other faces around me clicked into place. They were all former people I worked with!

There was no doubt about it. The office was haunted. But by what? It couldn’t just be bad memories. Then every marketing department would be the devil’s playpen. There had to be something else. Something bigger.

As the figures swarmed toward me, I made a run for it. Where the heck was my assistant? It’s her job to help in these kinds of situations!

I raced toward the far side of the office and found myself in the storage area. I had never been there before, and what I found made my blood run cold. Someone had stored all our unwanted designs in there. The room was packed, floor to ceiling, with rejected arts and floppy discs.

This explained everything. The floor was haunted by rejection!

Moving quickly, I found an old rag, doused it with turpentine, and set the whole mess on fire. As the pictures burned, I could hear the faces scream. Then the memories of former vendors and clients faded away and the floor came back to life.

Nightmare over.

The events of that drean still haunt me. And they left me pondering a heavy question: Is rejection evil or is it an act of kindness?

Happy Halloween!

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* - Full Credit on the Dos and Don'ts goes to the Grammar Girl!

NSFW: At the Baghdad Cafe with Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model

Very little has shocked me like Volkswagen's “Luv Bug” commercial did this past week...

Basically, the spot goes something like this:

• Over Dean Martin's brilliant rendition of "The Birds and the Bees," the ole "if it's a rockin' don't come knockin'" adage rolls through the first ten seconds, complete with foggy windows and a magnificent view of what appears to be the suburbs of Los Angeles.
• A sweet-looking, midwestern type couple, baby in tow, appears at the dealership watching their beloved babymaking vehicle roll away with a bigger VW taking its place.
• Cut to the woods with a voyeur owl looking on as the couple saves hotel money to go back to what [apparently] do best.
• The next scene shows the couple with a new baby in hand and their now older daughter saying goodbye to their mobile motel, only to be replaced once again.
• And one we go two more times, until the couple lands safely in a seven-seat Atlas VW... forget the recap, let's take a look:

As I was saying all that's needed to make this into a TV show is some nudity and some racy dialogue.  I mean basically VW is saying if you bang a lot in our cars without protection, we will be here with a vehicle to suit your needs. It was then, I actually felt a twinge of guilt feeling this way about this spot that is somehow (and surprisingly) wholesome.

Speaking of nudity, has it really been over two years since we caught up with Margrét, my "New Favorite Amazon Model"*?  Regular readers love the beautiful brash model whom I introduced in my most-read article of all time detailing my experience at a nude modeling class with a big, snakey twist.

Not so nude...also not so safe for work!

As of late, these same readers have been emailing me a lot asking if she's okay since I haven't posted a column about her lately. I am happy to report that Margrét is definitely okay. She's been the feature model in three European art gallery exhibits, went on a five-week spiritual trip to Tibet and Malaysia to find some inner peace, hiked to a plane crash site in the Andies, played a nagging ever-pregnant pilates wife in a straight-to-video NC-17 movie, went to Shanghai Disneyland and built a new bed from scratch. Whew, some would say that "okay" is an understatement.

Jeez, maybe I need to pen a premium cable television show about her and her experiences, which I guess I will get to as soon as my Media Guy script gets it's long-awaited greenlight to film its pilot episode...here's to dreaming once again!...yet I digress...

Okay, so where am I?

I'm meeting Margrét at the Baghdad Cafe in Newbury Springs, California just off I-40 about 15 minutes south of I-15. Let's not confuse this place with the Syria version where I hung out at quite a bit from 2008 through 2010, nor should we harken back to the the short-lived Whoopi Goldberg/Jean Stapleton show that was obviously inspired by one of the two. What makes this typical dusty desert diner noteworthy is that it was at the forefront of a pretty crappy 1980s French/German movie and because of this, the place is a bona fide tourist spot among the Euro crowd. The walls are covered, floor to ceiling with signed headshots (including a nice one from Celine Dion), postcards, stickers, business cards, and just about anything you can imagine could be stuck on a wall.

Not Syria's version....

Honestly, I wouldn't have picked this spot to be the backdrop of any nude photo shoot, or any other for that matter, but Margrét cared to differ...

Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model: I'll agree the cafe is not really an ideal spot for nudes since there are a ton of people and kids hanging around. But next door there's a cool abandoned motel next door. For the right audience, this place is a real winner. Also, down the road are some incredible sand fields that are great for sunset shoot.

Media Guy: Sounds like you've got the right vision for what you want, but have you ever wanted something different?

MMNFAM: I always thought it would be über-cool to be one of those nomad gypsy-type models. So when one of my favorite French photographers invited me to come shoot some advance guard setups in Shanghai, I decided to make it a modeling roadie. I posted a casting call on Model Mayhem, and next thing you know, I have five days of shooting lined up at a rate quadruple to my US rates. Six months of pay in one work week.

MG: So just you on the road with your French photographer?

MMNFAM: My sis agreed to come along with me, so we could to make it a real adventure and the hope was that having her there would deter the really freaky affluent amateur photographers

MG: Does it get freaky often?

MMNFAM: Not all my gigs are freaky, though. I actually do a few normal, “nice girl-type" jobs. You know, just to keep my nice-girl skills from rusting over. One night I worked a charity fundraiser wine-pouring event for this smoking hot Australian winemaker, who used to be a rugby star but retired to open a winery in the south of Portugal. Anyway, he only showed up for photos at the beginning of the event, and then delegated the job to his assistant, this adorable little Romanian hottie who took a liking to me. I offered to give him a ride back to his hotel after the event, because there were no taxis at the venue, and to thank me for my help he hooked me up with two cases of bad-ass high class Canadian wine that I flipped into suite tickets to a Katy Perry concert. SCORE!

Not this one either...

MG: Nothing freaky at nice girl events?

MMNFAM: More than what happens is who attends these nice girl events. I was a little nervous about pouring high class wine for all these cork-sniffers. After all, this is a well-known event they hold every year, and the Hamptons Society of Botoxed Frankenmatrons who come out to show off their new breasts, lips and foreheads while spilling their fancy-talk about decorating, wine, and new sculpture commissions while their husbands perv on all the model servers.

MG: Does this ever worry you?

MMNFAM: I didn't need to be worried. Everyone was so freaking wasted it was embarrassing. These dumb-ass poseur chippies would stumble up to my table with their wineglasses held out for a pour, and the Romanian hottie would start blathering about the notes of oak and flowers, and you could see these clueless socialites had zero idea what was being said — nor did they care, they just wanted to get wasted for free. Some kind of collagen-plumped power trip.

MG: But these good girl events sure must be better than doing convention center trade shows you once loathed.

MMNFAM: Very good memory! I always loathe the trade show. I worked one recently that wasn’t so bad because I was working with a girlfriend of mine who makes things fun. Pass along this note:

Dear Prospective Trade Show Clients: if you are looking to hire a model for your booth, please consider hiring two of us! I find that two models are waaaaaaaaaay more effective than one, because we can tag team these poor conventioneers on a $50 a day per diem and hustle them into signing up for your iPad drawing or whatever-the-hell grifter scheme you have going to generate leads. Yep, much MORE effective!

Anyway, the  best part about working these events is the corporate balderdash they have you parrot, to hypnotize in prospective leads. At this on I was told to say that “we” (and by “we,” I mean the client, not “me”) are a cloud-based project management solutions platform. Now, you tell me….what the hell is a “cloud-based project management solutions platform?

Yes, this one!

What’s really fascinating is that you would think that booth models who actually grasp what they’re saying would be the most effective, but, of course you’d be wrong. It doesn’t matter one bit if the model understands the first thing about cloud-based project management solutions platforms, or CBPMSPs, as long as she’s attractive, personable, and calls the guy by his name as seen on his name tag). Really, as long as she's hot, she can pretty much talk him into signing up for anything.

MG: I should assume you have seen this regularly...

MMNFAM: Oh yes, I’ve seen this firsthand all of the time! Take this Bulgarian model I was working with. First, you can be assured that she was hired without ever speaking with her. She was beautiful, super flirty and very aggressive. But her accent was so thick that I'm 99% certain that all of the guys she hustled in had no idea what was going on. They just did what she wanted, because she’s hot, persistent, and was wearing the clothing minimums. She could have been signing them up for chemical castration for all they knew. I really like working with her because she’s a lesson on how to do it right.

MG: And how is the payday?

MMNFAM: They do pay pretty well and I get to keep my clothes on. CBPMSPs aside, they can be fairly interesting every now and again. But I do have to tell you that I have a difficult time getting those gigs, because when it comes time to apply, I have very few “decent” photos I can submit, like a quality headshot. I mean a quality headshot can cost you $250 and I have to admit I pretty cheap.

MG: No headshots among your entire portfolio?

MMNFAM: I mean I have thousands of of photos, but in most of them I’m nude or wearing a some sort of Crusaders helmet or something. So, you know, I can’t use them to get nice girl work. So I can get some low hanging fruit work, I booked a session to get square shots. But good gawd, it’s so boring. I shot with my one of my favorite photographers last month for the sole purpose of getting a boring-ass headshot, but things escalated quickly. The next thing you know, I was doing gymnastics on the scaffolding wearing nothing but a Michael Myers mask. I just can’t seem to keep it together long enough to be normal.

MG: So what happens when you can't be normal?

MMNFAM: The easiest solution to this predicament is to dial up the unorthodox gigs. I did one where you are supposed to be in a snazzy furniture Beverly Hills showroom and the models replace the furniture. This was one of the most bizarre shoots I ever did. It was a thirty-minute video with no dialogue, great lighting, and I was just sitting there with nothing on holding a telephone and an office plant while standing in for a designer desk. Weird! I can’t believe I got paid to something like this....weird!

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* Previous Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model Articles:

Introduction: Nude Modeling
Part Two: Catching up with Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model

A Little Closer to Hell...

You won't be seeing this guy on the Oscars Red Carpet anytime soon...

I'm watching another Hollywood career move to life support as Harvey Weinstein's atrocious behavior is coming to light with a never-ending barrage of A-listers leveling allegations of sexual harassment ever since The New York Times published their exposé.

I mean, when Oscar winners Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie start talking about you saying they are done keeping his secret now, because “women need to send a clear message that this is over” then rest assured, it's going to be over.

Yeah, this won't end well.

I have to say that I jumped on the anti-casting couch bandwagon over a year ago when I penned a column about "Casting Call, The Project," where real women read real casting notices. Maybe Weinstein should have read this...maybe he did and didn't care. Regardless, R.I.P. to Harvey Weinstein as a Hollywood mogul.

Speaking of dying careers, I hope Donna Karan is ready to see a dip in sales because her troublesome and downright idiotic opinions about the alleged serial sexual predator Harvey, you can expect women to stop buying DKNY fashions for the foreseeable future. The Daily Mail interviewed Karan on the CinéFashion Film Awards red carpet and said this:

"I think we have to look at ourselves. Obviously, the treatment of women all over the world is something that has always had to be identified. Certainly in the country of Haiti where I work, in Africa, in the developing world, it’s been a hard time for women.

"To see it here in our own country is very difficult, but I also think how do we display ourselves? How do we present ourselves as women? What are we asking? Are we asking for it by presenting all the sensuality and all the sexuality?"

Did she really just suggest they were asking for it? But did she stop there? Not even close! I can only imagine the reporter’s concealed delight knowing that this interview had more crackpot gold in those mountains as Karan finished her red carpet tour de force with this nugget of wisdom:

"You look at everything all over the world today and how women are dressing and what they are asking by just presenting themselves the way they do. What are they asking for? Trouble."

Yeah, this won't end well either. So, not to be flip, but speaking of death...

...Okay, so where am I?

Seems I have spent a lot of my trips recently near or in cemeteries. On this trip to Poland, I have visited the death camps in Auschwitz and Majdanek and felt the immense pain of death of the people

The final feet of railroad that leads into Auschwitz II-Birkenau.

interned there. Going to Majdanek was a day of remembrance to those we, as a people, let perish through racism, ignorance, and indifference. Majdanek was a concentration and forced labor camp that evolved into a death camp. It opened in September 1941, initially for Soviet prisoners of war, and was liberated by the Soviet Army in July 1944. During this time approximately 360,000 victims died or were murdered, 120,000 of them Jews.

The inmates of comprised people of 54 nationalities from 28 different countries. They included Soviet prisoners of war and Jews from Poland, Germany, Czechoslovakia, the Netherlands, France, Hungary, Belgium and Greece. In addition, many non-Jews from Belorussia, the Ukraine and across Poland were taken to the camp as political prisoners or slave laborers.

I see these atrocities up close and wonder how there can ever be resistance to giving support in any form to stop the genocides that are still occurring in our world. No amount of photos or thoughtful words can capture what I saw. Truly heartbroken.

The only thing that got me through this agony of all of this was the lunch I had a couple of months ago to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery to see where Johnny Ramone is buried and saw the most bizarre thing: a cemetery jogger.

Running a few steps closer to hell...

One upon a time we respected the dead and didn't need a life manual to tell us to either. It just came naturally. Dying is the only thing we spend our lives preparing to do, so at least give credit to the time and effort dedicated to do it. Instead what you see at cemeteries now is pretty unsettling. If you believe in the concept of people spinning in their graves, one can only image the anger, commotion, and outrage going on six feet under.

I was paying my respects to Rudolph Valentino, the actor who played Larry Tate on Bewitched, and Peter Lorre when I was stunned to see a twentysomething year-old huffing and puffing down the cracked cement path that separates the grave sites. She passed me and then two other women in short-shorts who were power walking almost slamming to a man walking his three dogs.

Seriously? It's a cemetery for goodness sakes!

Also seen at the cemetery...ugh!

There's headstones and monuments and ghosts trying in earnest to rest in peace! This is hallowed ground and not your playground. Whenever I see a jogger sprinting through a cemetery, I secretly wish he was screaming as a dozen ghouls and zombies chase him down with a book of etiquette. I mean, how tone deaf can you be to think that your pursuit of fitness extends to desecrating sacred resting places with your exercise? I mean just because it's quiet and green, does it give you a pass to take over? What don't you lay out a picnic blanket over that fresh mound of dirt, set up a barbecue and cook a filet? Better yet, lay out your yoga mat and find your zen spot.

C'mon people, a little respect please...leave those souls in the ground some dignity and solitude. This isn't parking on Hollywood Boulevard. We don't need no jogging signs to point this out, do we? I mean there aren't signs in church that say no iPods in the sanctuary, but you know not to bring those things there.

Leave the dead their peace.

Stop vandalizing grave sites with your running shoe footprints which bring you a little closer to hell with each step.

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Harvey Weinstein was personally thanked or praised by name in at least 34 Oscar speeches from 1993 through 2016...ugh!: