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Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Castle Shopping with Daniela the Flight Girl

Okay, so where am I?

There's no truth that I am in Romania looking at the Bran Castle looking at a way to make Dracula's home a summer retreat if I am ever allowed back into the former Communist state. In 1897, Bram Stoker’s described a dream vacation house—a historic castle that offers 360-degree views as it “sits on the very edge of a terrific precipice.” This nature lover’s paradise offers plenty of privacy because “as far as the eye can reach is a sea of green tree tops,” and “here and there are silver threads where the rivers wind in deep gorges through the forests.” them famous to accompany their riches and somehow wipe away a few of their abuses aimed as journalists and (gulp) media people. However you slice it, it will cost you in the neighborhood of $60 million Euro.

And, I may or may not be in San Francisco waving goodbye to the sport's most beloved voice. Yes, the poetic golden voice of Vin Scully is officially retired from baseball (see his tour de force in the 1988 World Series below.).

One of my biggest thrills in the photography world was the ceremony renaming Stadium Way to Vin Scully Avenue, on the official address where where Dodger Stadium sits overlooking Los Angeles. Now, after 67 years poetically reporting baseball games, he turned his microphone off. He will be missed. I could try to sum up his career, but the New York Times, sums it up the best...
"Vin Scully’s final game on Sunday was something close to a miracle in sportscasting — an 88-year-old man performing a solo act, conversing with us for more than three hours, keeping track of the game while telling stories, invoking memories and reminding us that he did this single job for 67 consecutive seasons. 
"How many men or women his age have ever performed so ably, so publicly, with no safety net? Think of two announcers often thought of as baseball’s greatest before Vincent Edward Scully succeeded them. 
"Red Barber, Scully’s mentor, was 58 when he was fired by the Yankees. Mel Allen was 51 when the Yankees broke his heart by dismissing him. Imagine if they had worked for 30 more years — would they have maintained their abilities as Scully has? Would they have been as fortunate as Ernie Harwell, who retired at 84 but would have been able to work as long as Scully has? 
"Scully’s working alone was a gift to all of us. He could carry games by himself, as he proved every day. 
"And oh, that voice, so melodic and with a pace ideally suited for baseball."
Okay, so where am I?, you ask again...what I can tell you is that the flight attendants on Air Berlin are delightful...especially in business class and they make a mean vodka tonic. My non-stop flight from LAX to Düsseldorf literally flew by and my private pod give me a nice rest after only sleeping one hour the night before I flew to Germany and prior to waking 30,000 steps a day inside the history-laden country. (More on Air Berlin and Germany itself later this month...)

When I was wine tasting in the Rheingau, it occurred to me that it's been over a year since we caught up with Daniela, our favorite flight girl (again that's want she likes to be called - don't shoot the messenger fellow Fempire builders), with an update on the latest in air travel...

Daniela says kisses from the cockpit.
FLIGHT GIRL DANIELA: I know you are all exciting about the business class seat on your Air Berlin flight. But what you probably didn't know was that airplane seat have come a long way. The early ones were made of wicker and yet people forget and complain constantly about their seat. Sheesh, they should be sitting on straight wicker -- spoiled brats!

MEDIA GUY: Are there better seats than others? How can non-Media Guy nab those spots for themselves?

FGD: I get bribed on nearly every flight with chocolates or homemade baked goods: “I’d love it if you could find me a better seat,” they say with a wink-wink. So where are the best seats? If you’re lucky, you may get an economy seat that allows for a slight recline feature of a few inches or legroom in bulkhead seat or emergency exit row. Yes, we can upgrade you to business class or first class after the airplane’s doors close. No, we don’t do it very often, partly because on some airlines we have to file a report explaining why we did it, partly because there has to be a meal for you, and partly because the forward cabins are often full. Who do we upgrade? Not the slob who’s dressed in a dirty tank top. It helps if you’re extremely nice, well dressed, pregnant, very tall, good looking, one of our friends, or all of the above.

MG: Doesn't the blue and glue-green tones of the plan interiors soothe the savage airline traveller?

FGD: Every detail in a commercial aircraft cabin is intentional. The typical hues you speak of are chosen with color psychology in mind as these tones are universally reputed for being universally liked and calming. It doesn’t always work on cranky passengers, though.

MG: If I'm stuck in economy, how can I get served sooner?

Don't act like you've never seen a therapy turkey going through airport security. 
FGD: Jiggling you’re your glass of ice at me won’t make me dash to the galley for a refill. In fact, it makes me want to scream. Service usually starts at the front of the cabin,. Some airlines vary the service depending on whether the flight is flying east versus west or north versus south. For premium cabins, some airlines actually let you pre-order meals on their website. The front-to-back service can add to the disadvantage of sitting in the rear. When I ask you what you’d like to drink and you ask me “Well, what do you have?” I want to answer “Not a lot of time.” But you wouldn’t like that.

MG: I've been hearing a lot lately about what not to wear on a plane. What's your thought?

FGD: I realize some of you have been in Europe for two weeks, you've only packed so much, and you've run out of clean pants and shirts. It may be tempting to throw on something that more or less passes the sniff test and head off to the airport. But remember: Odors are intensified on a plane, where passengers are cramped in close quarters and stale air is recycled throughout the cabin. The perfect seatmate is one who doesn't smell like anything. To
Have a single drink and keep those shoes on!
achieve a zen-like lack of scent, be sure to reserve a clean outfit for the plane ride home. And go easy on the cologne. Better yet, don't wear any. Scent is subjective. You may adore the delicate bouquet of Armani, but your seatmate could find its aroma noxious. Me too!

Speaking odors, your feet should be as unobtrusive as possible to everyone else (so don't prop them on top of a seatback, or wriggle them into the gap between the wall of the plane and the poor person in the seat in front of you who just wants to lean against the window without getting a faceful of your bare toes). Put your shoes back on before you go to the lavatory (because ew). And finally, if you know you're prone to smelly feet, be considerate and leave your shoes on.

More from the Media Guy and Flight Girl Daniela:
Nicki Minaj took my seat in business class, plus a visit with Flight Girl Daniela!
Daniela:::Deux
Flying the Friendly Skies

Vin Scully's call of Kirk Gibson's 1988 World Series historic home run:

Monday, September 26, 2016

Summer Travel: airberlin to Germany


[October 27, 2017]....NOTE TO READERS: airberlin has ceased flying. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Okay, so where am I?

Have you ever been in the middle of a fairly tale?

Where can you plan a trip that could indulge you in ways you never thought is possible?

There’s a place on earth that has created controversies at its highest level in history, yet oozes uniqueness in its recent transformation to a young city with free spirit.

It’s Germany, a country that has navigated future away from the past and lifted its consciousness to a worldly attraction. Sometimes, it’s easy to pigeonhole a country, tying it a bleak existence that was once a reviled nation. That reality is about as far in the rearview as a land can be these days.

Brandenburg Gate: The Berlin Wall once stood in front.
Germany is lush with some of the world’s hidden gem cities. Many should never be missed. Berlin, Düsseldorf, Wiesbaden, and Schwangau.

Although we know Germany was rebuilt with a brilliant combination of efficiency, innovation, and intelligence, it seemed to have risen from the ashes as if by magic. No wonder why Walt Disney’s Imagineering mind brought the splendor of Schwangau’s Neuschwanstein Castle back to Southern California as the inspiration for the Sleeping Beauty Castle at “The Happiest Place on Earth.” The place has that magic (more on that later…).

Before you do experience any of this, you need to get there. If you’re anything like the Media Guy, you’ll agree that flying anywhere these days is quite the drag. One of the most important parts of your travel planning is picking the right airline. After trying it out, I have to tell you that airberlin’s business class service from Los Angeles to Düsseldorf is the essential element to getting there with style and hospitality.

Whether you are on a business trip or planning for a holiday getaway to Germany, flying airberlin sets the stage for a fantastic adventure. Germany's tourism numbers are up for the sixth year in a row. As one of the 480 million visitors to the county every year, you have plenty of options to get you there and it just so happens that airberlin is my new fave.

Why is that you ask?

Simply, business class on airberlin is an unbeatable journey as one of the most refreshing and rewarding times you can have thousands of feet in air. Once you reach a certain point in your life, the mad airport scramble is simply unacceptable. That’s one thing we really liked about airberlin: the smooth efficiency you would expect from a German airline is evident. Gate check-in, personal ushering from the business class lounge to the gate, timely boarding, and then addressing you by name in your seat—all nice touches.

During the almost 11-hour flight, there were cocktails, fluffy pillows, designer toiletries and, of course, the thing you want the most in business class, seats that recline all the way. If you’ve never indulged, once you push that recline button and keep it down until you are fully extended, you’ll finally understood why that extra cash is worth it.

A pod built for comfort and work...
Want more? Here are some of my top reasons to splurge:

  1. You can work: I’m note sure about you, but carrying around designer headphones can get pricey and that’s not to mention the risk of loss or breakage. In airberlin’s business class cabin, every seat comes with a lush pair of headphones that immerses you in a vast selection of tunes that range from classical to rock to popular. Your seat, or should I say, space, puts the business in business class. There’s an abundance of legroom for any working position, a Swiss army-type table with shelves, pockets, charging stations for your tablet, smartphone, and laptop. 
  2. Three-Course Fine Dining: Business class meals are a far cry from the foil-covered trays you get in economy class. We’re talking a three-course gourmet meal with a chilled vorspeise (appetizer), salad, a choice of three entrees, a dessert/cheese course and the aforementioned wine service. And as if that weren’t fancy enough, there’s even metal cutlery, actual china, real glasses, and white tablecloth service.
  3. Wunderkind: We all know flying wrecks mayhem on our appearance. For all us beauty-obsessed travelers, the airberlin business class ticket comes with a lovely black 'culture and hygiene' bag containing high-end Wunderkind accessories. The chic kits include: Wunderkind lip balm and facial moisturizer, plush sleeping mask, toothbrush and socks. Yep, my bag still goes with me on every trip.
  4. Real Dreams: I can’t tell you how many times, I’ve resorted to a sleeping pill to get through a flight. Turns out, a fluffy pillow, eye mask, the best airline slippers ever (yes, I still wear mine around the house) and a fully articulating 180-degree flatbed seat go a long way to get some rest in after finishing that deadline project and a fine meal.
  5. Dreamy Wines: An hour into our flight, I was swaddled in a lush blanket watching a Bill Murray movie with gratis luxury headphones, with a bowlful of fine nuts at my fingertips. To say I was in the clouds and not worried about the seven projects due before landing was an understatement. But then the wine menu came around. Did I want the 2016 Kaapzicht Cuvee Anna White or the 2014 Chateau de Capitoul Syrah Grenache Charles Mock? Uhm, both please! Right about then is when I started fantasizing that the flight would never end.
  6. The Ultimate Vacation: When I’m on a flight, I want 100% relaxation time. The unwinding time that business class travel gives is just what I needed to get me away from my daily non-stop energy push. To unwind is to reboot my system so my creative work and responsibilities operate at maximum speed. On our flight, I was given a “Caribbean getaway” right from my seat. With my headphones plugged into therapeutic music, I felt my wings filling with air, flying to that state of mind where nothing existed but ultimate vacation time. The quiet and friendly atmosphere translated to a spirit of luxury service. Inside, I was awakened to a delightful bite and a romantic voice preparing me for the landing. I could not believe how fast time passed and how incredible I felt preparing for a journey of a lifetime.

So, as they say on board, “Angenehmen Aufenthalt an Bord! (Have a pleasant flight!)”

Business Class Menu

Vorspeise / Appetizer

Fresh Garden Salad with Parmesan Shavings
Crôutons and Balsamic Dressing

Wild Mushroom Terrine with a delicate Quinoa Gemüsesalat
Salad and Dijon Mustard Sauce

Nordic Midsummer Salmon with a fine
Honey-Mustard Dressing and a Latvian Potato Salad

Heißes Gericht zur Auswahl / Your Choice of Hot Dish

Chicken Breast in a creamy Pepper Sauce with
Mustard flavoured Mashed Potates and creamed Leeks

Slow cooked Beef with Rosemary Jus, Polenta,
Ratatouille and Edamame Beans

Fillet of Cod in fine Tarragon Sauce on black
Beluga Lentil with and yellow and red Carrot Cubes

Nachtisch / Dessert

Cappachino Mascarpone Tart

Semi-hard Cheese with Raspberry-Mustard Crust
And Dofino Cream Cheese

Lindt Chocolates!
Awesome Slippers (See #4).
Wunderkind (see #3).
Dreamy Wines (see #5)

Monday, September 19, 2016

Ms. Emmy: YOU KNOW HOW TO PARTY!

Oh my lovely giant Emmy statuette. I flirted with you all night and after all that you went home with a hundred or so other writers, producers, actors, and actresses. And this morning, there you are. Face down after a wild night of partying and rubbing elbows with the television elite. Most of us would take the long walk of shame home, heads bowed, shirts inside out, one sock or sticking missing. But here's the thing...walk of shame is only shameful if you let it be. So here’s how to turn that walk of shame into a stride of pride...

1) Before you tuck yourself back in that box for 300 plus days of hibernation, remember how much fun the night before was. You wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t want to. And let's be clear Ms. Emmy: YOU KNOW HOW TO PARTY!

2) Hold your head high, shoulders back, and strut your stuff. Yeah, you had fun. Yeah, the next door neighbor might already know that. But who cares? They know already. There’s nothing to be ashamed of because next year they will be fighting to take you home again.

3. Enjoy the morning breeze. If you’re in last night’s golden party dress and you’re holding your heels as you walk barefoot, don’t let it stop you from enjoying the refreshing morning breeze. Breathe it in, and let it clear away any potential hangover. Look around and enjoy the manufactured beauty of downtown LA and the LA Live complex. They'll be talking about last night for the next year.......Hold your head high Ms. Emmy. You're still my favorite lady.

So okay, you already know where I am...

A happy Game of Thrones cast as their 34 Emmy wins.
I'm at the Microsoft Theatre in Downtown LA taking in the 68th Emmy Awards and snacking on a PB&J sandwich presumably made by Jimmy Kimmel's mom.

I was expecting more Beyoncé as was a disappointed John Oliver:

"I thought Beyoncé was gonna be here. I saw a seating chart and I was supposed to be sitting two rows behind her and I was going to stare at her head and experience happiness in a way I haven’t felt before … so this evening is a bit disappointing."

Jerry Seinfeld spoke out—in true Seinfeld-esque wit—about the current state of television: "I don't know why I'm here, I'm not on television. My show's on the Internet, but now they consider that television."

Meanwhile Bryan Cranston did his best to convince the TV bigwigs that he should take on the role of Donald Trump, "I think it'd be huuuuuuuge."

James Corden shared his insider paparazzi tips to take the best photos "I try to suck in my cheekbones. If you ever see me and it looks like I'm in a mood, it's not because I'm being moody."

In the Emmy lobby, people moaned about the 'dry' Emmys. Every star under the sun was inside the Microsoft Theater, but the one thing all of that star power can't get inside the room is booze. The Voice host Carson Daly walked out to the lobby, Emmy in hand, and yelled to the bartender, "You guys selling beer out here?" Daly turned, disappointed and walked away. Iwan Rheon (Ramsay Bolton on Game of Thrones) also lost his mind berating a would-be bartender—life immitates art. Sorry boys, those juice boxes are all you got.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus' Emmy win breaks the record. By winning the Emmy—her sixth for lead actress in a comedy, and her eighth Emmy overall—the Veep star broke the record for most lead actress wins, breaking the three-way tie she held with Candice Bergen and Mary Tyler Moore.

Well, that's all I overheard. After all I was there to flirt with the Emmy statuette and take pictures...so without further ado, here are the pics...


Red Carpet and Winners Gallery
Tori Kelly with my favorite picture of the night.
There was a lot of kissing - part one with Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
Jimmy Kimmel's mom must have had writer's cramp after penning 7,000 letters.
Cranston as Trump?
Jimmy Fallon crashed Corden's interview. Ham!
There was a lot of kissing- part two with Patton Oswald.
Priyanka Chopra knows how to work the photo pit.
Yes, Sarah Paulson did have her lady engraved with Marcia Clark's name on it!
Tatiana Maslany all smiles with her Emmy!
There was a lot of kissing - part three with Key and Peele.
The Governors Ball transformeds the L.A. Convention Center with over 700 floral arrangements.







Monday, September 12, 2016

Intolerable Sarcasm featuring Stupid Tourism Ads

Jeez, I didn't know my sarcastic reaction to Emirates Airlines' Hello Tomorrow advertising would ripple through Dubai all the way to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, aka the DPRK.


First Chairman of the National Defense Commission of the DPRK, First Secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army, and Father of Dragons (I made that last one up!) Kim Jong-un has outlawed sarcasm, a method of satirical wit that has long plagued the esteemed workers of the great North Korea.

He really did ban it, reportedly because he was getting sick of people agreeing with him “ironically.” The Twitterverse was aglow with this unexpected gift from our friend in Asia, my favorite being:


On a related noted, there's apparently some truth that the paranoid leader plans to call The Simpsons to enforce his well-thought ban with this little baby:


The ban makes me wonder if this tourism ad is real or a the actual hoax that spurred Kim to consider if his people take him seriously:


Dear Kim Jong-un...you might want to click away from this column because it's all sarcasm, all of the time from here on out as I look at some of the tourism ads I've stumbled across recently.

It's a pretty sad lot. I am sure you will agree. (And to the folks at Emirates Airlines, I didn't touch one of your ming-boggling advertisements!) So, like I did last week, let's jump into some of the ads and see what's game-changing and what's not...

"Arrive Beautifully" ad - Virgin America


REACTION: Listen, I really don't mean to keep picking on airlines for their wacko ads (and honestly, I'm going to be the victim of a random strip search if I'm allowed on Emirates or Virgin America again), but WTF is going on this flight from New York to San Francisco? Was she late for her plane after a long Sunday Morning Walk of Shame because her Studio 54 cocktail dress was riding up too much? Is she back on the hunt while blowdrying her hair and flirting with the guy in seat 2C? All I can say to Virgin America is you can expect a column in the near future devoted to your hallucinogenic magenta and purple advertisements. And to the guy in seat 2C, Joe Namath called from 1971 and wants his Dingo Boots back:


"Cuff Links" ad - Elysian Hotel, Chicago


REACTION: Why do ads for most independent luxury hotel brands always seem to feature the same catalogue-model-perfect multi-racial looking dude, dressed in tailored suit, armed with every hipster accessory he can carry? Also, why does said hipster need to flaunt the fact he would rather be riding his skateboard instead of zooming in his $140,000 sports car down Lakeshore Drive with companion of his choice? Thank goodness Hilton Hotels and Waldorf Astoria bought this property. Hopefully they'll change this disaster of an advertising campaign.

"A new surprises at every step" ad - Himachal Pradesh, India


REACTION: It's not so much that Mary and her little lamb have been oddly-Photoshopped into this ad with a passenger train roaring toward her that bothers me. What strikes me as as truly odd is that if children walking around the Himalayas is a thing in North India, the ad agency could have hired an actual girl for a few rupees. And what of the poorly-worded slogan? I don't want to typo-shame anyone (goodness knows I need 10 proofreads and there are still mistakes in my writing) but "A new surprises at every step" is an automatic hall of shame inductee. Skip the five-year waiting period. You're in!

"Some Guests Jut Don't Want to Go Home" - Swiss Deluxe Hotels


REACTION: That's not creepy or anything. All that's missing is the call to the BAU Unit in Criminal Minds in the next scene. Aside from that, I really don't know about sleeping in a room where the headboard table lamps are an inch away from the ceiling. Note to Swiss Deluxe Hotels: We don't want creepers stowing away in our freshly cleaned rooms and ceilings lower than seven feet. Check and check.

"Forget about work for a while" ad - PST Travel


REACTION: Why doesn't the ad just say, "Let it burn Mr. Fireman!" Meanwhile the old guy with the dog is on fire, the little girl's hair is on fire, and the guy in the Dodgers hat is also on fire. All I can think of is the stupidity of the people who conceived this one. If Donald Trump were evaluating this ad in The Apprentice boardroom he'd be screaming "You're Fired!" until his face turned purple.

"Those Who Know How To Live..."- Trump Hollywood




REACTION: Speaking of Trump...How about this Trump Hollywood ad? Look closely at the silver-haired fox who escaped from the bathtub in the Levitra ad. Is he scoping out the view of the beach or the view of his much-too-young wife. I get that ad - geared to the one-percenters who need a weekend getaway to escape the Financial District of Manhattan in Florida. But when I look at the these two who probably boarded their environment-raping private plane, primed for a weekend of bourgeois leisure and throw up a bit in my own mouth.

"We do everything for the perfect holiday" ad - Switzerland


REACTION: I looked at this ad maybe 101 times and I have nothing. Not a word speechless. I am completely clueless on what's going on in the Swiss Alps with a guy and his tools and a line of cows.

"See Asia Like Asians Do" ad - Multipass Travel Agency


REACTION: Simply the most racist ad I've ever seen.

"Firefly Sticks to You" ad - Firefly Airlines

REACTION: I thought sexist airline ads were a thing of the past. Last year when Nikki Minaj took my seat in business class, I covered a bunch of misogynistic ads from days past. It seems that one of those Mad Men can muster up some SMH ad concepts when this one hit the travel magazine pages. Based on what I see, the Firefly flight attendant's derrière is half off. Is that before you land or after? Needless to say, I'm not the only one who was offended. Facing mounting pressure, Firefly deleted the ads from its Facebook page and made a public apology:


Sunday, September 4, 2016

The Commandments of Business Bar Meetings

Drinking = new business, for better or for worse.
And the managing director said,

"Let there be drinks."

And there were drinks.

And from these drinks,

the Sales Guy closed the account at the bar.

And the Creatives were given dominion

over all things upon this account

and the power to choose

between scandalous and informative.

And so goes the evolution of a media account...

At the core of any deal is networking. It really is who you know and many times not what you know. But if you aren't in the know, then sealing a deal requires a deft gift of gab and a social setting befitting of the client you are seeking.

These fifteen, er, ten commandments...
The years of drinking your way to the top created these fifteen ten commandments:

1. Thou Shall Not Be Careless.
Being careless is inexcusable. Spilling an entire drink on oneself is an automatic loss. Game over. This applies at all times. If you do it, just excuse yourself and go home.

2. Thou Shall Provide Comfort.
Comfort Counts. I read this study that Harvard, Yale and MIT conducted and it said that people in a hard wooden chair held out for more discounts that those in cushioned seating. If you have to, take some splinters for the team.

3. Thou Shall (Wo)Man Up.
Be strong on your drink selection. Don't be a copy cat. "I'll have the same" is weak sauce. Order your own drink.

4. Thou Shall Make Good Choices. 
Your drink cocktail shall be clear or brown. This is serious stuff. Say it with a good drink choice. All brown or clear drinks are serious drinks.

5. Thou Shall Have Good Posture.
all business meetings are confrontations of a sort. Square up. Even if it seems friendly, even if it's with a colleague. Sit tall and with pride. Sitting up straight is evidence that you have a backbone. It is also evidence that you're not so wasted you can't do the actual business you invited your counterpart to conduct.

6. Thou Shall Treat Thy Servants Properly.
The employees are there to serve you, but you should never act like they are there to serve you. Respect the bartender...and the host...and the cocktail server...and your neighbors at the next table...and the valet...and the restroom attendant. (Whaaaaat? the place you chose doesn't have a restroom attendant? Pick a better place!) Why all the respect? Because for this night, these are your assistants. They are your people. YOUR PEEPS. You want the bar to be more yours than your counterpart's.

7. You Shall Not Commit Murder.
Don't kill your night with hesitation. Hesitation kills the momentum of your night...in a flash. When ordering a drink, never hesitate. Don't review a menu. Don't read that fancy black chalkboard that the host spent forty-five minutes and seven pieces of chalk to build. You know what you like. Order it. Refer to Commandment Four when in doubt. Why? Well, you shouldn't waste time if in the conference room. Don't do it at the bar.

Commandment 10.
8. Thou Shall Focus.
Put that damned iPhone away. Yeah, yeah, I know, we all love our smartphones, our Candy Crush and seeing what Susan is eating on Instagram. But for an hour or two, put it in your pocket. Look your guest in the eye the entire time. When you don't look someone in the eyes, it shows you have an agenda other than the bond of the night. It also shows an inclination that you can be intimidated or lying. Practice that eye contact.

9. Thou Shall Arrive Early.
Everything should happen sooner than expected. Get there first. Order first. Introduce your business earlier than appropriate. Wrap things up faster than seems suitable. When you do things early, you have control. Control is a virtue. Your virtue.

10. Thou Shall Take Notes...on a napkin.
You might brand it as, but taking notes on a napkin is cool. Tell your guest(s) that five years from now you can all say, "It all started by writing it down on a bar napkin."

More from the Media Guy on Drinking:

The Media Guy Struggles: Drink Like a Mad Man
When he's not drinking Canadian Club straight, Don Draper favors the old fashioned, which is filled with Vitamin C and fruitiness to offset its ... Read on...

The Media Guy Struggles: Making it at a Media Party
...if you don't know how to drink or look like you're drinking while nursing a cold bevie, you're going to have a tough time in the ad game ... Read on...

The Media Guy Struggles: Eight Ways to Toast Globally
...have you ever wondered how people drink beer across the globe? ... Read on...

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Dissed By a Screen Legend...

Feeling like a Neanderthal today. 
Okay so where am I?

Current mood says I am lost in my own mind. I'm in a bit of a funk with this Clio Awards shortlist announcement staring me in my face. Scroll down. Scroll up. Scroll sideways. Nothing but the giants of advertising there. Not a Media Guy campaign to be found. My single entry was not selected.

Ugh.

I imagine this is what Angelina Jolie felt like in early 2015 when the Academy Awards were announced and she wasn't nominated for Unbroken. I guess it would be easy to flick this away attributing the slight to the old adage that David loses to Goliath 99% of the time. I mean look at who was nominated:

      -Barbie
      -Burger King
      -Getty Images
      -Heineken
      -Kraft Heinz
      -Netflix / House of Cards
      -UNICEF
      -Wrigley, a Subsidiary of Mars, Incorporated

There are others on the shortlist too. Shoot, even the smaller names are big names in the real world. 

"Wait till next year!" was the rallying cry...mine too.
I spent two days telling myself in true loser rationalization, "Wait till next year!" In the 1940s and '50s, the Brooklyn Dodgers (no David by any means) could never win it all Most often they would lose to their cross-town rivals, the hated Giants or the hated Yankees. The rallying cry was "Wait till next year!" Then in 1955, it was next year. The Brooklyn Dodgers finally won it all. Then they broke the hearts of Brooklynites and moved their beloved team to Los Angeles. Yet, I digress...
It's been a really great month I have to say. My Media Guy Struggles pilot is getting noticed and all, but it doesn't hide the fact that my bid to win my first Clio since 1999 was snuffed out. Denied. A stomach punch of sorts. Happy hour starts early today, I suppose.

So here it is, #ThrowbackThursday, and all of this reminded me of the time when a screen legend dissed me in the wildest way possible...

...The announcement took me back to those regular Secret Life of Walter Mitty moments to that time I was at a cocktail party with King Kong and I’m telling him about how much I loved his work on top
Being dissed by King Kong was a stomach punch.
of the Empire State Building and the Twin Towers and asking how he feels about working with leading ladies Fay Wray, Jessica Lange and Naomi Watts. And I'm waiting for his answer and he's giving me this growling stare but finally he breaks the silence and says, "I like them as long as they are blonde, but what you should have asked is if I thought Peter Jackson brought his A-game or not to the last movie and if he could gotten more out of my performance." And I instantly start perspiring and going back into the dark place in my mind wondering how I could've screwed up meeting a screen legend on the scale of Kong himself and after what seems like a lifetime he bursts into laughter and says, "Relax, I’m screwing with your simple homo sapiens mind." And I start laughing as well. Louder and louder, like I never laughed before - in part out of pure relief - and both of us wind up giggling like schoolgirls for what feels like a solid ten minutes. Finally after we catch our breath he says to me, "Why don't we go raid the bar in the misses private room and you show me what you can do with that opposable thumb." And I'm like, "You're still messing with me, right?" And he's like, "I'm serious as planes shooting monkeys from the sky." So I kind of wring my hands a bit and tell him, "Kong, I'm not really comfortable with..." Then he goes stone cold, staring off into the distance, and says, "You tell anyone about this and not a single effing soul will believe you." And without making eye contact he spits his jawbreaker into my drink and walks away. And I'm all, "Holy crap! King Kong sucks on jawbreakers?"

Well...all that's left to say is, of course, "wait till next year!"

-----

Who did is better? You Decide...

Kong and Fay Wray:



Kong and Jessica Lange:



Kong and Naomi Watts:




Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Emirates Airlines has Jumped the Shark

Full disclosure.

It pains me to do this critique. I've flown Emirates Airlines many times and love their business class services and economy class entertainment. But really, their print advertising has crossed over and jumped the shark.

Mary Wells, architect of the Braniff “End of the Plain Plane" ad campaign, is certainly sitting in her French villa chuckling over these ads. (Well, at least I would be...)

Ever since Braniff shocked the airline industry when Wells introduced the new International image for the airlines, the ad industry has been trying to match that impact.

For many of you reading who don't know the story, Braniff introduced a new multi-colored fleet with technicolor cabins and exteriors in 1965. The campaign extended all the way to uniforms with stewardesses (that's what they were called back then - hey, don't shoot the messenger!) performing their notorious “AirStrip" where they would actually take layers of their uniform off as the flight progressed. Wells was pretty awesome. A "mad woman" of sorts. A genius that created the "Plop-plop-fizz-fizz," "I Love New York," and "Flic My Bic" campaigns. She set the standard for advertising innovation. In her book, A Big Life In Advertising, Wells detailed how this campaign was literally rescued from the circular file when desperation struck for that big idea.

The AirStrip? Yes, that's real.
The trash bin leads to an interesting transition to the Emirates "Hello Tomorrow" campaign courtesy of StrawberryFrog and Scott Goodson, the agency's creative genius.

Full disclosure once again. Who the #*%$ am I to critique these ads? StrawberryFrog has like a kajillion dollars in ad revenues. I'm just your run-of-the-mill Media Guy with an armful of shiny trophies and some great bar stories to show from my career (well, maybe more).

When Goodson was asked how he came with the campaign he said, "A great set of words – like Hello Tomorrow – point to an interesting dichotomy, which leads to dynamic advertising and game-changing ideas. The campaign needed to go way beyond conventional airline advertising. It needed to rally thousands of employees in the worlds fastest growing companies, make a statement about the future that would be heard by global travelers."

Hmmmmmm...game-changing ideas...

Let's jump into some of the ads and see what's game-changing and what's not.

"Meet the flavours of the world" ad

REACTION: WTF? Did the copywriters have a diversity checklist?:

"Yeah, uh Bob, do we have hipster guy with a knit cap?"
"Yep, check!"
"A woman who looks equally part Latina and part black?"
"Yep, check!"
"An Asian woman?"
"Yep, check!"
"An Irish/Caucasian-looking redheaded woman?"
"Yep, check!"
"A German woman?"
"Yep, check!"
"A very African woman?"
"Yep, all set!"

C'mon...I thought the days of no-two-people-of-the-same-race-can-be-in-an-ad-together were gone! What about that great no-aisle, six across seating plan they have working here? I bet that even said "we can sound extra international and intelligent if we spell 'flavor' the English way and add the 'u.' Yeah that's a great idea.

"Dream big in Business Class" ad

REACTION: Bed head or electrocution? Seriously? And who wears green sweats with a yellow cardigan and a burgundy blouse in business class anymore? What a nightmare.

"Dance to the rhythm of the waves" ad

REACTION: I don't believe the two women in the ad are even dancing. I can only assume that they are channeling their inner OutKast and were caught throwing "their arms in the air and waving them like they just don't care." But honestly, I don't need to go clubbing in Dubai when the LA and Vegas clubs do the trick nicely. As a matter of fact, wouldn't anything in Dubai -- the indoor skiing, the Burj Al Arab, or even the Gold Souk -- be something you want to do over clubbing? All of this begs the question: were either of these women even in motion?

"Find your work-life groove" ad

REACTION: Look, I don't mean to keep pooping on their ads, but what in the living hell just happened to the first class cabin? Everything Emirates Airlines shows seems to be this exercise in avant-garde misrepresentation. On who's authority was this guy allowed to get hammered on premium bourbon and then whip out his saxophone to jam Charlie Parker style? So if this isn't even remotely going to happen then why is it in the ad? If you were suffering in economy, how long would it take you to steal a bottle of wine from the beverage cart and beat that instrument into a pile of brass?

"Remix business with pleasure" ad

REACTION: I certainly hope all of this remixing isn't happening during take-off or landing? And, did this intrepid DJ purchase an extra $5500 business class ticket just to do an emergency mix for a wedding in the U.A.E.? However you slice it, it's a assault on the poor schlub in economy (again)...like coach-bound Renee Zellweger told her son in Jerry Maguire, "First class, that’s what’s wrong. It used to be a better meal, now it’s a better life.” Yeah you had me at Hello Tomorrow.

"Tomorrow brings us all closer" ad

REACTION: Why is it that the caucasian is sheltering the Indian woman from the rain and not the other way around? And, the guy in the left in the foreground is covering his head with a newspaper. I mean who reads a newspaper anymore? Why is it that only two out of the seven people in this ad had an umbrella? Was it a flash storm? A gift from the heavens to alleviate draught? I don't know about you, but the last five hotels I stayed at had a complimentary umbrella to use during my stay. The only thing game changing about this ad is the pantheon level of absurdity it delivers.

"Travel at your own tempo" ad

REACTION: Do you really think the woman to the left of this poor man's Hugh Hefner in the smoking jacket is going to be all smiles asking him why he chose chicken cordon bleu over the filet mignon. No, Rico Suave...she's going to ask the flight attendant to move her away.