The COVID-19 Commercial Pivot

Okay, so where am I?

I’m just like the rest of you, hunkered down watching Anderson Cooper talk to 22-year-old Harvard researchers predicting a two-year nightmare of mask wearing and hearing reports from Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti tell us that the Hollywood Bowl is closed this year and we won’t have sports until 2021. No exactly what I was looking for in 2020, that’s for sure.

A 1910 advertisement from Ma Bell.

A few weeks ago, spending was up up up in the media world with all of us Ad Men scrambling to understand the effectiveness analytics and reach our target audiences with bull’s-eye precision. Brands like Miller were still touting good times centered around cold brews, KFC pushing “finger lickin’ good” chicken like a drug dealers marching sentry in Baltimore, and the Charmin Bears were touting the brands delivered the cleanest bums.

These days when you turn on the TV—and for many of us the TV is on nearly 24 hours a day—all you see are COVID-19 tribute commercials. This represents quite a pivot in our socially distant coronavirus live where ad agencies and their clients are facing an unparalleled level of ambiguity. The Interactive Advertising Bureau reports that 70+ per cent of brands, media planners, and media buyers believe that the coronavirus will have a larger advertising influence than the 2008 financial crisis. Although you probably feel different watching television, but overall expenditures on traditional media (Radio/TV) is down almost 40% from what and digital advertising was down a third from what agencies had expected to spend at the start of the buying year.

But the folks at Nielsen have some data that supports our general feelings. Their data shows that when people are forced to stay inside (weather, illness, etc.), they watch around 60% more content than they usually do. And, the major brands took note, replacing their ad campaigns that were in rotation and replacing them with relevant coronavirus-centered content. Citibank is celebrating our heroes, Uber is thanking us for not using their service, Papa John’s is touting contactless pizzas, while Captain Obvious from Hotels.com reminds us of the obvious: Just stay home.

Currently, like all film production, commercial shooting has been locked down during the pandemic. Even so, brands haven’t stopped re-purposing content or using new footage provided from their staff’s family or shooting single camera B-roll to re-imagine their messaging and stay in front of millions in this ever growing television audiences and everyone scrolling through digital platforms nearly every waking moment of every waking day. Brands, even those not considered essential or shuttered, are finding ways to enter the COVID-19 conversation with their spending power.

A March 2020 survey by GlobalWebIndex asked internet users in 13 markets whether brands should continue advertising as normal. Nearly four in 10 US respondents ages 16 to 64 agreed, and a similar share (35%) were neutral, compared with 28% who disagreed. (The global results were on par with those in the US, at 37%, 36% and 27%, respectively.)

So until we are freed up a little bit or things re-open or another controversy arises, get ready for a steady stream of alarming medical news, wearing masks to the grocery stores, and commercial gems like these...

Apple

Citibank

Dunkin’ Donuts

Fitbit

Walmart

Go Daddy

Amazon

ALO Foundation

Uber

Just Who Is That Masked Lady?

What's worse the pandemic or looking hideous in dumpy ill-fitted protection mask?

The answer is...the pandemic!

But never fear, I've found just the person who can make everyone look cool in a mask. Meet Irena Murphy, owner and operator of Stitch Bitch Masks.

Irena-approved style...

Her story hasn't been a simple path to beautifying a pandemic. She lost her job as a hairstylist during the shutdown of Los Angeles and leaned on her two years of tailoring and design skills acquired a lifetime ago and dusted off her sewing machine to craft masks to donate to hospitals. After running out of material and having to buy more it dawned on her that she might be onto something. If she had to buy more, why not do something different, something out of the box. She wanted to curate a look that's "Irena Approved." The Irena-approved look quickly moved to Etsy where she developed styles that alleviated a lot of problems she identified with other masks on the market. Then when her website Stitch Bitch Masks website launched she was quickly (and temporarily) sold out of everything. But here she is and with the world short on masks, Irena Murphy is a mask maker and a business owner.

MEDIA GUY: That's certainly a nice career pivot. Have you always been an entrepreneur by nature?

IRENA MURPHY: I have always been an entrepreneur. I guess being a hairstylist is running your own business. But I've also sold other things on Etsy. I tried a small pinup headband thing for a bit and I used to make homemade lip balm, packaging, labeling selling it online and to local salons.

MG: I heard that your masks sold out immediately, why do you think yours stood out above the others?

IM: My masks did sell out immediately and it was overwhelming. I think there are a couple reasons. One, the world was seriously out of face masks. There was a call to action article in Forbes magazine last month asking seamstresses to donate to hospitals because they were out or short. Well, guess what? Regular people couldn't get masks either. Bigger companies were starting to sell them but they were sold out too. Buying from independent people like me meant we had it on hand and were shipping out sooner than later. But there's a ton of sellers on Etsy, I think mine did so well because they're cool. I buy specialty fabric and I'm able to source some designs that you can't buy at regular fabric places. I also add wire in the nose to make it more form fitting and the elastic I started using is thinner and you can tie it to adjust. I think everyone is scrambling to supply the demand. It's like the Gold Rush now. But these companies putting out masks are not necessarily designers and they're putting out masks that are baggy, plain, thin, generally not made well and I think people are catching on.

MG: To get everything going, you hired models for the visuals? Where did you find them?

IM: I've been modeling everything because of the stay-at-home order. I have to be my own model. I've started using a few friends, popping over and shooting them at a distance. I figure we're all in masks so it's a bit better!

MG: How has the transition from stylist to seamstress been?

The Stitch Bitch Ninja Mask

IM: Honesty, it’s been rough. I’ve never worked so hard in my life. (Laughs) I’d get up and start sewing and wouldn’t stop till midnight. But that’s because I’m building something new; both in learning to sew the best mask out there and also learning to grow this as a business. I finally started hiring people to help and it’s been going better! I love creating so the transition with that is easy. Creating new hair as a hairstylist, designing new masks, or creating a new business. As long as things are new and exciting I can handle it well. It’s the monotony of doing the same thing I don’t do well with.

MG: Does this give you aspirations to work on other clothing items?

IM: Yes, my God, yes! I’ve always wanted to go into fashion design. It’s the whole reason I took tailoring to begin with. I just didn’t realize how easy it was till I was pushed to do it. I haven’t had anything mass produced yet but I’ve talked with manufacturers and put together tech packs and tutorials on my sewing techniques and it’s honestly not that hard. You just need money. (Laughs) I really want to focus on masks right now and as long as that’s a need.

MG: Tell me about this vintage van you're single-handedly remodeling.

IM: aaaahhhh hahahaha! Yes! The Dream Machine! Vanlife baby! #vannin haha! I got so obsessed with van life on Instagram. There's something about running away and also being at home that just hooked into me. Although I'm not doing a full build out, my plan is to do a rad shagin' wagon retro conversion that also just doubles as a sort of glamping mobile. I went down the rabbit hole of YouTube videos and learned how to do the flooring and insulation and now I'm reupholstering the walls. I was gonna work on it during the quarantine and then...started a mask business! So it's on hold. Every now and then when I want to get away and I can't I just go sit in there and drink my coffee. It's nice to get out of your house, even if that means going to sit in your car. It's also nice to have air conditioning, a rad stereo in your car and a fold out futon in your car :)

#VanLife

MG: You have done everything it seems—actress, writer, screenwriter, model, hair stylist, director, and now a seamstress—which is the most rewarding career choice?

IM: I have done a bit everything and I'm really hoping it all amounts to something some day They are all very useful skills in different ways. But what kind of rewarding are we talking about here? Financially rewarding or emotionally rewarding? They are usually different. I wish they were one in the same. But emotionally rewarding has to have been filmmaking. It's something I never thought I could do and then I did it. Having an idea, a feeling or even a moment and being able to communicate that in a way that's exactly how you feel is an amazing feeling. It's like poetry, or maybe I'm just not the best with regular words, but when people see a film and say, "that's how I feel!" or "I get that" or "I've had that conversation." It's all those things that connect us as people that become profound and there are so many moving parts to capture that. It's a pretty big accomplishment. Financially rewarding? That's yet to be seen and I really must keep this mask business going, right? So far designing something and making a company around that is like making a film. There's a lot of moving parts. If I can keep the plates spinning It might take over as the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

MG: Launching a business in the middle of a crisis can't be easy in the middle of a pandemic - what were your biggest obstacles?

IM: It's been crazy and I'm a crazy person for doing it. The biggest obstacles, of course, have been that everything is closed and no one can help me. Seriously! Fabric wholesalers or even consumer fabric shops are closed. I can order online but it's been a guessing game as to when the supplies will actually arrive. I've just had to be creative and really dig for different suppliers and ultimately I've had to pay a lot more in both shipping and the cost of fabric and then just wait and make do with what I have. It's also been hard because I'm picky and want to do everything. But then I tell myself something like, "Bill Gates didn't create a huge company by demanding that he build every single computer himself..." or something like that. Plus, the world is bonkers crazy right now. These are just some of the problems with trying to grow a business in a pandemic.

MG: Staying sane during all of this - what's your blueprint?

IM: I am not sane through any of this, let's get that straight. I wish I had a blueprint. I used to mediate twice a day and you'd think with all this time I would be. I go to sleep with a million thoughts and I wake up with a million to do's. I guess in a way what's keeping me somewhat sane is that I have something else to focus on other than the crazy mess that's going on outside. I rarely go to the grocery store or anywhere. I just make masks. It might be making me a crazy but in a better way because it's given me a something to talk about and keep my brain turning with creative ways to run a business given the limitations. All of which are not the big overwhelming elephant in the room: The Pandemic along with the depression from loss of income, uncertainty of the future, inability to connect in person. All that isn't on my mind because my focus has been designing the perfect mask and figuring out how I might be able to grow a business from my home.

MG: Where do you want to see this business go?

IM: I've worked consistently for months and put a unreasonable amount of money into this business so... I want to see this business go as far as it can! I could see this being in stores like Urban Outfitters and boutiques. And I'd like to get more sales over seas where mask culture already existed before. I've also made video tutorials on how to sew my designs so I could see making that available. I think it'd be so cute to make some mask and matching outfit combinations one day. But for now my immediate goals are to get out all the designs for masks I have in my head and make them available. I still have a lot of ideas for making "Summer Masks" and a retro series and even some different cuts I think would work well with different elastic combinations. So there's a ton of possibilities!

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Connect with Irena... 

Website
Instagram

Reigning Badass of the Pet Portrait Scene

She shoots her darkly creative, kitschy and oddly historical painting-esque pet portraits in her Downtown Los Angeles studio. She has a unique self-awareness that makes each portrait one-of-a-kind. Working with custom Victorian and 60’s wallpaper-style backdrops, as well as 1980’s double exposures, her finished products seem to span centuries. She shoots for movie studios, big brands, movie stars, and your neighbor next door, all with a distinctive eye for high style.

Two badasses: Danielle and Panton, the cat.

Quite simply she's the reigning badass of the pet portrait scene.

She's Danielle Spires.

For half a decade, I've worked closely with Danielle at my day job. Need an award-winning photo shoot staged and completed in a snap? She's the one to go to. Have two thousand photos that need to be curated and produced into a four minute movie in a day? Yep, she's the one. Need a photo of a star sagely photoshopped so that three-inch nose hairs disappears? Ditto: Danielle.

Yes, I know a lot of the stories, but now it's time for more to know her. It's time for all of you to plan your pet portraits ... once we are allowed out of our houses of course. If not to honor your best buddy, do it for the cool experience you'll have during the photo shoot.

MEDIA GUY: Pet portraits? I didn't know that was a thing. How did you know it was a thing?

DANIELLE SPIRES: It’s surprising how many people think I’m kidding when I say I’m a pet portrait photographer. I’ve always known since I was young that I’m a childfree DINK kind of girl, therefore cats have always been my roommates. So as I progressed through the years as a portrait photographer, I naturally turned to my cats as muses. I was greatly influenced by Pre-Raphaelite paintings of people with their animals, and just instilled that in my personal projects. Eventually I decided to turn it into a business after I offered pet portraits as a fundraiser to help with my cats’ veterinary bills, and the response was overwhelming.

MG: First of all, what's a DINK girl? Second of all, cats as muses? Don't they just lay in the corner and act aloof and uncaring?

DS: DINK means Dual Income No Kids. My lifelong vision is me, a life partner, kitties, and a dedication to art. The best part about cats is how much work it takes to make them pose in photos. I admire the emotional intelligence and independence. Not that I don’t love dogs in the studio, they’re so much fun. But cats are a near constant challenge. Cats know no masters, they come into our lives unknowingly enriching them. We should be thankful for the finite time they decide to spend with us, giving us an opportunity for companionship and otherworldly friendship. And should we repay them with ridiculous photoshoots.

MG: Which Pre-Raphaelite paintings spoke to you loudest?

The SAVIOURS Series: Pre-Raphaelite Essences.

DS: I’m always torn between tortured Baroque paintings and the sensual ’slice of life' Pre-Raphaelites. But there are probably two paintings I find myself thinking about often, and I know you didn’t ask about Baroque but "The Bridesmaid" by J E Millais and Artemisia Gentileschi’s "Judith Slaying Holofernes" sit at the top of my list. The Bridesmaid possibly conveys a listlessness to the marriage conventions of that time, while being such a striking and romantic portrait of a woman. And Gentileschi definitely has a way of painting women and telling stories.

MG: Tell me about your favorite shoot?

DS: I have so many favorite shoots, but the series that comes to mind first is my SAVIOURS series I shot for an art show. I shot the whole series a few weeks after my beloved cat Noguchi passed away, in his honor. Each photo is made to look like a Pre-Raphaelite painting of a woman with her pet, and I sourced the weirdest and strangest pets for this. The coolest was watching each owner interact with their beloved pet, and tell me stories about the friendship they have with their snake, hedgehog, cat, lizard, etc. The weirdest was shooting a tarantula named Lily. She was a fuzzy little cute tarantula, and we’d just drop her on her owner’s neck and let her crawl while I quickly took photos.

MG: So what is it that drives your clients to you? Are you unique in this world of pet portraits? Is it your distinctive style that has driven you to the top of this niche? Or do you just have "it"?

DS: Oh wow, that’s a tough question. I’d like to think I have a distinct style that people seek out. Sometimes clients scroll through my Instagram and when they come in the studio, they tell me they want the stoic, stiff posed look on kitschy wallpaper that is prevalent in most of my work. I always tell them to smile for a couple shots, for their mom’s sake. I also love to think I make this experience fun, unique and little weird. How often do you drive to a photo studio in the outskirts of Downtown Los Angeles to take a photo of your dog in a cowboy hat, double exposed to look like the soft focus Olan Mills portraits of your childhood? I guess I can make “unique” obtainable to anyone and everyone.

Let 'em eat...catnip! Royal catnip.

MG: Your dream shoot would be...?

DS: Well, I suppose it's to be hired to shoot the most opulent pet portraits of people and their horses (or any pet). I’m talking Rococo style sets, over the top gowns and dramatic costumes for the animals. Imagine a horse in a custom jabot and headpiece encrusted in jewels.

MG: Without giving away everything, what was your biggest nightmare shoot?

DS: Ha, can I say my biggest nightmare shoot didn’t even involve a pet?  I’m actually going to have to say my own cat Panton is my hardest client. He absolutely shuts down, turns into a bowl of pudding and starts shaking like he’s being taken to the vet. I get about four photos with him before I set him down, which he then promptly forgets why he’s angry after I give him treats. I get literally four shots. I can’t believe my own cat is my nightmare client.

MG: Are famous people's pets more pampered than your average citizen's pets?

DS: Absolutely not! Although I knew a private pilot that was hired to fly celebrities' pets around the country. I have regular clients come in with their pet in a stroller, fresh from the groomer, eating the most expensive artisanal snacks and wearing jeweled outfits. I love it because our pets are our best friends, our comrades, our families…they deserve only the finest.

MG: Do you offer craft services for the four- and eight-legged models? How about Evian water?

Badass self portrait.

DS: (Laughs) I actually do! In addition to fancy water, I always have fresh dog and cat treats—(the good stuff!)—and custom-made cat toys that I hand-sew myself.

MG: How do you bring out the personality of the pet and their human partner?

DS: There’s such a fine line between bringing out their personality and a highly stylized shoot. I try to balance both. Most of the time, my client has a specific idea or vision when they come into the studio. They meticulously pick out clothing specific to the backdrop and ask to be posed a certain way. Then I step in and tweak everything to heighten the style. That way we meet in the middle, their true personality comes out, and it also looks like a Danielle Spires shot.

MG: What do you do for animal lovers who are allergic but want a hip, once-in-a-lifetime portrait? You know, people like me?

DS: Hypoallergenic dogs! Someday I’ll get you in the studio with a hypoallergenic dog. I expect velvet loafers and a matching pocket square.

MG: What's a metal/goth/satanic version of a queen?

DS: Me...

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Connect with Danielle, especially her IG which is always poppin’ off. 

Website

Facebook

Instagram

The 43 Postcards Project: Bulgaria

I kicked off 2020, by adding intriguing visuals from my lifetime of travels around the world and called it the 43 Postcards Project. So far, my quest has taken me to places familiar and others remote, in 43 countries and counting, from the deep Pacific to the deserts of the Middle East to the snow-crusted landscapes of the Arctic Circle. Here, I'll share a handful or two of snapshots from each country I visit, as I saw them. Enjoy the views.

_______________

Okay, so where am I?

Up until 2007—when they joined the European Union—Bulgaria has never really been on its own. Twenty seven hundred years ago, the Thracians ruled, who were then followed by the Romans, the Byzantine Empire, the Ottoman Turks and then, finally, the Communists. After the fall of the Iron Curtain, it took quite a while for Bulgaria to get rolling. Now the country has emerged and casting its own shadows. Where the old Lenin monument stood, a statue of Sofia’s Patron Saint now casts its own shadow of protection. Under her gaze, the dark princess is said to embody the city’s East-meets-West, old-meets-new allure of reimagined Eastern Europe.

After Bulgaria gained its independence in the late 19th century, Sofia was chosen as the country’s new capital. It’s now been capital for 140 years sitting the heart of the Balkan Peninsula.

The city’s appearance today has been widely shaped by the twists and political turbulence of the 20th century. Bulgaria was a parliamentary monarchy prior to World War II. Its architecture was influenced by the examples of German, Austrian, and French. The second half of the 20th century saw Bulgaria firmly entrenched behind the Iron Curtain, dependent on the USSR’s influence and aid. It was in that time that Bulgaria’s architecture and urban planning was re-conceptualized to fit the structure of the communist ideals. Once the Soviet blockade was released in 1989, the country started its transition into democracy and is now a member of NATO and the European Union.

There’s a Bulgarian expression: B мЂтнА вода леcho ca лoви. Which means, “It is good fishing in troubled waters.” Or to the layman, by taking advantage of chaotic conditions one can easily serve one’s own purposes. In short, this think and survivalist mentality united to construct the unique blend of culture and style that personifies the nation today.

The St. Alexander Nevsky Cathedral is the second largest Eastern Orthodox church in Europe.

Sofia's Patron Saint overlooks the capital.

Lots of Third Reich and World War II memorabilia at the flea markets.

There's a huge farmer's market underneath these ruins.

The National Theatre

Communism sculpture has been replaced with ones of love and hope. 

A photographer's delight.

Momento Park

Fresh fruits at the farmer's market.

Communism buildings and lifestyles still permeate.

Buy a train ticket can be challenging.

Inside the gypsy ghetto on the outskirts of Sofia.

Abandoned market en route to Plovdiv.

The snow closer to the Balkan Mountains can be formidable.

Welcome to the Bulgarian Communist Party Headquarters in Buzludzha, located in the Central Balkan Mountains: Elevation, 5,000 feet. I visited here twice on the same trip: before and after the snowfall. You get two dynamically different views of this amazing journal of Communist Grandeur. Construction began in 1974 and was opened in 1981. It was built by the Bulgarian communist regime commemorating the secretly organized movement by Dimitar Blagoev in 1891 that led to formation of Social Democratic Party, the precursor to the Bulgarian Communist Party.

This building is an example of Brutalist architecture. Raw concrete and massive, fortress like structures were popular with Communist governments and institutions. it was not considered a style but an expression of "moral seriousness.” "Let generation after generation of socialist and communist Bulgaria come here, to bow down before the feats and the deeds of those who came before; those who lived on this land and gave everything they had to their nation. Let them feel that spirit that ennobles us and as we empathize with the ideas and dreams of our forefathers, so let us experience that same excitement today! Glory to Blagoev and his followers; those first disciples of Bulgarian socialism, who sowed the immortal seeds of today’s Bulgarian Communist Party in the public soul!" -Bulgarian Communist leader Todor Zhivkov, at the opening ceremony of the monument.
The collapse of the Soviet Union caused Buzludzha's closure in 1989.

Virtually Live From Paris with Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model

From the New York Times: “…the city has a centuries-old tradition of solo exploration, personified by the flâneur, or stroller. Flânerie is, in its purest form, a goal-less pursuit, though for some it evolved into a purposeful art: Walking and observing became a method of understanding a city, an age. Baudelaire described the flâneur as a passionate spectator, one who was fond of ‘botanizing on the asphalt,’ as the essayist Walter Benjamin would later put it.”

Okay, so where am I?

Whelp, I'm not in Paris, but in a few paragraphs we will be transported there...hang tight.

Actually, I am still home in the beautiful confines of my Encino California Compound. Other that to get my mail, bread, and fresh fruit, I have been sequestered here riding out the Coronavirus since the Los Angeles-mandated prohibition started two weeks ago on my birthday.

In addition to missing out on a pretty stellar Disneyland birthday, I had two Japanese commercials wiped out because of the travel ban (postponed, not cancelled) and now I am having NBA and NHL withdrawals along with some severe cabin fever. Thank goodness— along with my family, friends and colleagues—I am safe.

I was planning to meet Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model, because the last time I spoke with her she was at the Baghdad Café lamenting bout trying to due her clothesless craft amongst families and kids roaming around the tourist trap over two years ago. But with all of the city shutdowns, we had to cancel and move to a video conference to catchup. Ah, the new world of “Stay At Home” work and friendships.

So just to catch you up—or you can scroll all the way down to end and read the previous columns— Margrét is a nude model who travels the world taking her clothes off in the pursuit of her art. It’s never going to make her rich, but it makes her happy and a happy Margrét makes the world a better place…

Media Guy: You usually stick close to the Western USA, but is it true you are stuck outside the country?

Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model: I would say luckily I was in France when all of the Coronavirus lockdows and travel bans went into effect, but Paris is a drag without all of the cuisine and museums and sights.But I’m making the best of it trying to go all Hemingway with my introspective writing at abandoned city sites soaking in the essence of the land.

MG: What were you up to before for the country ground to a halt?

MMNFAM: I was doing my thing with this self-photography exhibition on the French Countryside when, well, imagine four dudes breaking down 300 meters from my camera lens in their big Mercedes hauler. Now imagine then not knowing how to fix their hauler and I roll up on them to help. Except I wasn’t wearing more than a Nikon lens cover! I bet they never expected help to come in the form of an intrepid nude model.

MG: But I imagine that’s exactly what happened, right? And how did you pull that off?

MMNFAM: Imagine the look on these French bros' faces when a second nude model, my roommate, rolled up in an Aston Martin with a back seat full of tools. I'm telling you, it was like MacGyver met French Baywatch. The only thing mission was were our red one-piece swimsuits so that we could have run over in slow motion. I’m guessing they were fairly pleased with two mostly nude chicks fixing their timing belts while the fought to keep their jaws from dropping.

MG: I’ve often wondered about the fine line you’re walking when it comes to nude modeling because some of the readers say you are reinforcing sexist stereotypes of scantily clad women (or unclad) women on film.

MMNFAM: It's what I battle with on a regular basis with my modeling, because what is considered arty can be pretty hokey and sexist. But I figure God blessed me with a certain look and I get to control my destiny with what I charge and the situations I ultimately wind up in. At the end of the day, it’s a more honest living that some of the mucky-mucks in banking or on Wall Street.

MG: You’re doing well these days?

MMNFAM: My modeling affords me an income to support my home and my adventures. I stay off social media to avoid stalkers and weirdos and in the last five years I have shot in 31 countries. It’s a great way to make a living,

MG: What has shaped up as your specialty as of late?

MMNFAM: My specialty is artistic nudes, when translated to the layman means non-erotic nudes set in contrast against the landscapes of the world. Everyone wants this fit brunette against beautiful scenery. I love the work because it gets me outdoors. I don’t have to sit at a desk answering emails all day ad in turn I get to experience the remarkably attractive world that few ever get to see like I do. Modeling gets old pretty quick, I feel like exploring the outdoors doesn’t.

MG: What is it about the outdoors that has kept you employed all of these years?

MMNFAM: Guys will forever have a curiously mysterious hard-on for a curvy, firm backside in a ruptured landscape. I do a lot of posing in fantasy landscapes—mountains, lakes, log cabins—but the ones that garner the biggest paydays come from the most dilapidated settings like old warehouses, crumbling buildings, salt mines, abandoned parks, civil wars zones. There must be something about rotting cities that is some sort of aphrodisiac that appeals to many a photographer. The contrast of luscious nubile skin against corroded timeworn building carcasses is an age-old fantasy that will probably never go out of style. Like the Birth of Venus painting only set in Chernobyl.

MG: So your quest for post-apocalyptic ruins has taken you on a journey all over the world?

MMNFAM: With a little bit of investigating, you can find some truly extraordinary rubble to photograph and when it comes to ruin nude modeling, the Baltics and Eastern Europe are pretty much the gold standard. It’s like a Disneyland of desolation and tetanus. These areas are some that you’ve only heard about in the deep recesses of the news and now the whole region has essentially been ignored and neglected due to its being left in a state of disrepair after the boys took their weapons and petty differences and went home.

MG: And you’re finding the same in Paris?

MMNFAM: Oh no, much different here. A did a month-long series in and around Paris, fully-clothed doing a full-on Greta Garbo meets Breakfast At Tiffany’s motif. You know, it was easy to surrender in Paris to the moment. The alchemy of everything metamorphosed average activities into pleasurable ones; a stroll in the park, a cappuccino at a sidewalk café…you name it. Here, I dragged the edge of a butter knife across a baguette with a style better suited to gliding a bow across a Stratavarious. And today, with almost nobody around it is still quite the same. I am here on my own. My residence is paid for until July. I worked enough not to book another job until August and I am sponging in the city in my own post-apocalyptic illusion. In a city that has been honing splendor since the reign of Napoleon III, there are immeasurable sensual minutiae—patterns, touches, tints, hums—that can be mitigated, even overlooked, when babbling with someone or following a locked in schedule. Alone. one becomes deeply aware of the resonating clack of high heels in a park walkway; the patina of the gas lamps that light the city, the effervescence of the blue sky on a cloudless day; and how the empty wine bottles laid gently next to the recycling bins are the epitome of your neighbor’s good times.
There is a Paris that acutely repays the individual traveler.

MG: So all of this adds up to another fantastic chapter in the Book of Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model?

MMNFAM: It's a fantastic book I am living. I hope it never ends. Au revior!

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Previous Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model Columns:

The Summer of Superheroes and Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model

Published: July 2018 

Link

NSFW: At the Baghdad Cafe with Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model

Published: October 2017 

Link

Catching up with Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model

Published: March 2015 

Link

Nude Modeling

Published: February 2014 

Link

Banned Media

Okay, so where am I?

I'm hunkered down in my office disinfecting everything, including my phone, my desk, my water bottles and mugs, and even my 10-minute sand timer that's been on my various desks for thirty plus years. Yes, the coronavirus (COVID-19) hysteria has hit multiple workplaces. Yes, people are freaking out. I mean, even Costco has stopped giving out free samples and the stock market is tanking. And no, I don't have the virus and I have seldom even been susceptible to the flu. It's business as usual for me.

Or so I thought...

But now it's hitting the sports world and this Media Guy is none too happy. Most of you know that in addition to the four jobs I already have, I cover the Los Angeles Kings at various levels. One of the things I do are game recaps (here's a couple recents: vs. Colorado / vs. Minnesota / vs. Vegas). This may or may not involve locker room access, but now that's a moot point as four major sports leagues (NBA, NHL, MLB and MLS) have banned media from locker rooms due to coronavirus. The four also jointly announced that locker room access will be limited to players and essential personnel. The Professional Basketball Writers Association issued a statement saying it would temporarily comply with the ban.

Now teams aren't allowing contact with the players and the media. Some, like the Calgary Flames, are putting do not not cross lines in pre- and post-game interviews instead of the normal scrums outside lockers in the dressing rooms.

Click on this pic to see the white line placed on the floor to separate players from the media with eight feet of space. This is the new daily interviewing setup in pro sports. Strange times indeed. pic.twitter.com/F5pnI5eC1T

— Eric Francis (@EricFrancis) March 10, 2020

Other teams have only banned actions (handshakes, knuckles, hugs, sitting) and not actual media members...

#Avs have elected to keep the locker room open for media with the following rules: pic.twitter.com/f26EEKQsOJ

— Ryan S. Clark (@ryan_s_clark) March 8, 2020

In California, they took the outbreak a step further. Santa Clara County's Public Health Department announced today that a mandatory order requiring cancellation of "mass gatherings" of more than 1,000 people for three weeks is in effect. They put the order in place while it studies the spread of the virus. This means that the status of three San Jose Sharks games, the NCAA women's basketball tournament at Stanford, and an MLS game are in doubt. They could be playing these games in empty arenas. I remember in 1980, NBC tried a game with no announcers. But a game without fans? How surreal.

I guess that is better that canceling the outcome of an entire season where Germany's pro hockey league announced the end of its season, with no playoffs and "there is no German champion this year." Here's the official announcement (use the Google translate option to read in full).

In Italy, there are no sporting events...

Breaking: All sports in Italy have been halted because of the coronavirus outbreak, Italy Prime Minister Giuseppe Conte confirmed in a television address on Monday. pic.twitter.com/eLp4YRIeTT

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) March 9, 2020

The NHL's Columbus Blue Jacket are having no part of Ohio's ban on indoor events...

All #CBJ scheduled games will go on as scheduled and be open to ticketed fans.

Full Statement ⤵️ https://t.co/mLN5ImQVlE

— Columbus Blue Jackets (@BlueJacketsNHL) March 10, 2020

How will this affect the Media Guy? I'll continue to write my columns and fill in the time helping corporations who know to call me before releasing questionable content with a multi-million dollar ad campaign. So, until all of this blows over, remember this useful World Health Organization video on how to wash your hands:

The Biz: Want to be a Good Boss? Read this....

I came into the advertising business in 1974 at the age of six. I was the manager in a department of one for my dad's side home business preparing and disseminating press releases via the United States Postal Service. I prepared envelopes sticking the 1" x 2-5/8" white labels perfectly straight on number ten sized letters, collating the news releases, stapling and folding them, then stuffing the envelopes, licking them closed and then affixing postage stamps squarely in the upper right corner. I did this after school in our Inglewood apartment that could have served as the setting for the Sidney Deane family in White Men Can't Jump without the need to change a single prop. My payment for this OSHA-violating work? Tickets to a Los Angeles Kings or Lakers game that wasn't sold out. Pretty good payday until you consider that day got those tickets for free from his wife who worked in the ticketing department of the Fabulous Forum. He always told be that this work would be the backbone of breaking into the advertising business. I can't say he was wrong.

These days, advertising and public relations is a difficult business to break into, especially if you are not connected. I worked for my dad in my early years and my dad continued his penchant for loaning out my talents for little remuneration to me. In 1989, I was farmed out to a largish New York City agency to work their accounts from the inside. I was a gun for hire. I made around $400 a week before taxes. I'm sure dad's agency made ten times that for my work. It doesn't matter now because a learned a lot and that time was the backbone of my career.

I learned about two important things at the New York agency: How to maneuver around office politics and why Shel Silverstein's "The Giving Tree" is the key the being a better boss. This was the early nineties and yes, the New York agencies still had an enough misogyny, alcohol, racism, and debauchery to make any modern PC'er run for the hills. It was a lot to handle if you played those reindeer games. Most everyone dabbled in the big four but no one talked about it. Luckily, I was young and not a boss or my path surely would have spiraled much faster than it did.

My boss in New York was a typical advertising lifer. Handsome and gruff with a gift for the gab, he took long lunches with junior graphics designers in short skirts and still drank multiple cocktails during the day. He liked me because I did his dirty work and covered for him effectively when the big bosses came calling. HE taught me how to soft shoe through a crisis and that losing your temper would only make things work. He also handed me a copy of "The Giving Tree" a day after I told his biggest client he was negotiating a better media rate behind closed doors instead of the truth that he was at The Plaza with the flavor of the week from the 32nd floor. He told me to memorize the words, pictures, and pages of the small, leaf-green tome.

There are many interpretations of this masterpiece with the most obvious being the wonderful lesson of generosity it literally illustrates. It’s an Aesop's fable about life and life lessons, specifically what it means to be flawed and mortal, and wise and  enlightened. He taught me that you will always have a hard working, loyal if you embraced the key teaching lessons from the book. Talent wouldn't always win the day—and most importantly, keep you employed without a good staff that had your back. Here's a few of those vital teachings...

Stop Keeping Score—Most of us have been pre-occupied with fairness, equality and justice—at home I am the self-proclaimed Commission of Fairness. It's a specialty of mine. I learned that from "The Giving Tree" because it teaches us not to tally up things up things all of the time. The tree gives in the truest form of altruism. She gives and gives and gives without ever expecting anything in return. She never asks for credit or reminds the boy of her countless sacrifices.

Know the Magic Words—The one thing the Boy in "The Giving Tree" never stops to do is say "please" or "thank you." It seems not knowing common courtesy may have been the reasons he never could find contentment. Barney the Dinosaur always said to use please and thank you. The Tree should have told the Boy that as well. Good manners are the root (pun intended) of a happy life and productive teamwork. Do you know the magic words? Excellent. Use them every day... (Please?)

You Can Run, But You Can't Hide—Life is difficult and complex. So is looking in the mirror and facing your terrors and misgivings and maddest dreams. However, if you ever find yourself so troubled with your dilemmas that you are keen—at a timeworn, shaky age—to go meandering out to sea in a makeshift canoe, it’s time to capitulate. The penultimate request from the Boy is for the Tree’s entire trunk. It always smacked me as the bluest and the saddest moment of the book, and Silverstein illustrated the bleakness so well. The lesson here is a fine one: don’t fight the waves of life in a dying vessel. Let them crash over you before you obliterate what you hold special. Remember: giving in isn’t giving up. Remember the great words of John Maynard Keynes, “The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from old ones.”

A Picture’s Worth A Thousand Words—Silverstein has a unique method of drawing that flawlessly captures the human spirit in all its weakness and allure and immorality and eccentricity. “The Giving Tree” radiates a inimitable brand of straightforwardness. Every line is fraught with emotion, whether it’s the innocence of an untied shoelace or the speechless vacancy of the Boy’s wrinkled face as he ages, or the influential image of a infinitesimal broken man sitting on a severed tree stump, his illustrations speak loud. Louder than words. This book was one of the key lesson teachers that show me how to do presentations. My presentations are simple, yet complex through the use of imagery. It has won me awards and gotten millions of dollars of concepts greenlit over my career.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want—Mick Jagger famously sung, “You can’t always get what you want… But if you try sometime, you'll find, you get what you need…” The grass is always greener on the other side. Don’t go chasing waterfalls. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. An orchard sounds more significant than a single tree. And, after all, who wouldn’t want to actually be king instead of just pretending to be one? Unfortunately, the Boy learns this truth the hard way. After constantly asking for too many of his wants, all that’s left is too little of what he needs. Seriously, people. Know a good thing when you have it. Perfection is reserved for something celestial. Strive for greatness, but sometimes very good, is , well, great.