Legends

Okay, so where am I?

I'm up so so late brainstorming on a new Smokey the Bear campaign for our friends at the USDA Forest Service and I was thinking about my former Tarzana neighbor, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex (née Meghan Markle), would be struggling to stay awake if I were the Queen of England and Meghan wanted to retire to bed. Apparently the Queen and I would get along very well at Buckingham Palace whipping out ad copy to late night champagne toasts. A boy can dream, right?

Queen Elizabeth II, legend.

(Uhhh, you do know who Smokey the Bear is, right?* If you don't scroll to the bottom and read up. Read, read, read.)

These late nights get me thinking about dedication and perseverance. I work in a profession where many of my colleagues show up every day, do what's asked and go home. Day in and day out. You would be surprised at the resistance you get you ask for a certain level of dedication. The labored response is something like this:

"Oh you want a press release written?"
"You want the framework of that media buy flushed out this week?"
"I can go hard hard this week if you need me to."

Yeah, not that many in the advertising workforce are working hard. In fact, maybe 2% of our industry are working at top speed. I'm talking the total, absolute commitment where you take it home with you...

...Live it...
...Dream it...
...Master it.

Pop-Tarts, legend.

Most everyone just gives you the minimum required. These people are the reason I've had to listen to motivation speeches from the account managers over the years.

You know the Man upstairs hands out the DNA, but if you get lucky and you have the gift that's not enough. Once you mix in the complete obsessive, compulsive behavior, then you're onto something special. But then the commitment to maintain this greatness might actually be harder that becoming great.

Every morning I wake up and read the trades and watch what the greats are doing. Hone your craft through research, mind exercises, and an relenting passion to keep climbing. Read, read, read. It's okay to be the modern day Sisyphus and let the rock roll back over you. Get up again and keep pushing.

(Uhhh, you do know who Sisyphus is, right?** If you don't scroll to the bottom and read up. Read, read, read.)

It's that extra effort that makes you great. That thing you read today will be a tiny seed that germinates into that big idea one day. The extra work is the one thing that will separate you from the pack. I know this to be fact, you should too.

The greats (and by no means am I calling myself "great") have a sickness. The sickness is called compulsion. If you're punching a clock, you'll be good, but never great. You have to be obsessed with it all. It's that simple.

You know what get's a bad rap?

"OBSESSIVE."

Jerry Seinfeld, legend.

When you say "obsessive", people say, "WHOA! That guy is obsessive." Obsessive, my friends is the difference between great and legendary.

I was on the New York Times website this morning (yes, read, read, read) and saw that Jerry Seinfeld was asked how long does it take for him to create a 90-minute comedy set. He said, "I don't know. I go to bed thinking about jokes. I wake up thinking about jokes. When I walk my dog I think about constructing jokes. There is not concept of time there."

(Uhhh, you do know who Jerry Seinfeld is, right?** Jerry Seinfeld is not some regular comic, he's a legend. $600 million net worth. Co-creator of a Top 10 television show of all time. Arguable the best stand-up act ever. There's a thousand of slap-happy comedians at the local stand-up place with a great set trying to make rent, but Seinfeld is legend. Yet I digress...)

In the New York Times article, he talks about writing a joke about a Pop-Tart. It took him two yearsto get is right. He talks about every comma and every syllable, and how he's never thrown away a joke. He keeps them written on yellow pads. Here's a quick excerpt about his Pop-Tart process:

"Two years is a long time to spend on something that means absolutely nothing. But that's what I do. In comedy you think of something that you think is funny and then you go from there. It's a fun thing to say...Pop...Tart. I like the first line to be funny right away. Then I talk about shredded wheat that's like wrapping your mouth around a wood chipper. You have breakfast and then you take two days off for the scars to heal so you speak again. Then I had to figure out how to end the thing and that's the hardest part if you have a long bit, the funniest part has to be at the end. It has to be. It can't be in the middle or in the end. 'It can't go stale, because it was never fresh," that took a long time. I know it sounds like nothing, and it is..."

But is was something, it was a joke: His craft.

And, he was obsessive about it.

Now, I'll go back to being obsessed with finding the next big idea for a legendary bear...

* - About Smokey the Bear:

For those of you not aware, created in 1944, the Smokey Bear Wildfire Prevention campaign is the longest-running public service advertising campaign in U.S. history, educating generations of

Smokey the Bear, legend.

Americans about their role in preventing wildfires. As one of the world's most recognizable characters, Smokey's image is protected by U.S. federal law and is administered by the USDA Forest Service, the National Association of State Foresters and the Ad Council. Despite the campaign's success over the years, wildfire prevention remains one of the most critical issues affecting our country. Smokey's message is as relevant and urgent today as it was in 1944.

Smokey’s original catchphrase was "Smokey Says – Care Will Prevent 9 out of 10 Forest Fires." In 1947, it became "Remember... Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires." In 2001, it was again updated to its current version of "Only You Can Prevent Wildfires" in response to a massive outbreak of wildfires in natural areas other than forests and to clarify that Smokey is promoting the prevention of unwanted and unplanned outdoor fires versus prescribed fires.

** - Who is Sisyphus?

In Greek mythology, Sisyphus, the cunning king of Corinth, was punished in Hades by having repeatedly to roll a huge stone up a hill only to have it roll down again as soon as he had brought it to

Sisyphus, legend.

the summit. This fate is related in Homer’s Odyssey, Book XI. In Homer’s Iliad, Book VI, Sisyphus, living at Ephyre (later Corinth), was the son of Aeolus (eponymous ancestor of the Aeolians) and the father of Glaucus. In post-Homeric times he was called the father of Odysseus through his seduction of Anticleia; cunning obviously provided the link between them. Sisyphus was the reputed founder of the Isthmian Games. Later legend related that when Death came to fetch him, Sisyphus chained him up so that no one died until Ares came to aid Death, and Sisyphus had to submit. In the meantime, Sisyphus had told his wife, Merope, not to perform the usual sacrifices and to leave his body unburied. Thus, when he reached the underworld he was permitted to return to punish her for the omission. Once back at home, he continued to live to a ripe old age before dying a second time.

Seinfeld's Pop-Tart Joke

The Summer of Superheroes and Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model

I know the world is a lunatic cesspool full of bad people, but why do we need so many superheroes? When I was a kid, even until 1989, we got by with the Big Two: Batman and Superman. Now, I am getting all geeked up for Ant-Man and The Wasp (a sequel no less to the original Ant-Man that made Paul Rudd a superhero)...yes Paul Rudd.

Yet I digress...

Things were a lot easier when the Big Two were battling the same super villains over and over again. Now every superhero is a superstar. Take Thor from the planet of Asgard. He wanders around with a mini sledgehammer and was the the ace in the hole in the latest Avengers movie. We all know what happened to him (right?). Batman or Superman would never let that happen.

Blank Panther made a big splash at the box office recently. Until I was dragged to the theater I thought it was a biopic about Bobby Seale or Huey Newton. Everywhere I look there are super heroes getting their own movies, Silver Surfer, Aquaman, The Thing, The Green Lantern. Speaking of the Green Lantern, his power is in his ring, yet the ring is hooked to a battery. I mean, you cannot make this stuff up.

(I guess you quite literally can.)

Serious question: Are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles super heroes? It's almost like asking if a hot dog or a wrap is a sandwich. You might get a 50-50 split, yes or no, if you asked 100 people Family Feud-style.

Really, the only super heroes you ever really need is Batman or Superman. And, if you live in the real world, Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model is all you need.

Okay, so where am I?

I'm meeting Margrét in South Central Los Angeles, helping her out with a western hat ad comp she's trying to get off the ground. I mean, who am I to say no?

(For those of you wondering why she's a big deal in The Media Guy lore, scroll to the bottom and take the primer and read the three previous columns, including the first one from 2014 which still remains the top post of all time.) And, for regular readers, catch up with the queen of the birthday suit.

Media Guy: I heard a bunch of stories about your showdown with Betty Rage, how did that go down?

Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model: You may recall that last time I mud-rassled, I accidentally ingested some of the chocolate pudding “mud,” and was afflicted with terrible stomach flu afterward. Well, this time I knew better, so made sure to keep my lips shut, and to shower off thoroughly afterward. This rassling experience was better all-around than my last time, which you might recall was slightly scarring since I only got a $40 bid to be my towel boy — well, this time, some poor drunk guy bid $60 on me, and paid up….but he was so wasted that they had to escort him out of the bar before he had a chance to get in the ring with me. So they auctioned me off a second time, and this awesome British dude bid another $60 on me — and he was cool. He helped me defeat my first opponent, Kombat Kitty…but then I faced off against Betty Rage, and she beat me silly. Oh well, you can’t win ’em all!

MG: What a wacky gig! Surely there are better ways to drum up modeling gigs...

MMNFM: In this #MeToo #TimesUp culture, nude modeling has taken a real hit, which is a true shame. One is that historically, with a few exceptions, the nude is mainly a phenomenon of Western art. The other is that from very early on, the nude male and the nude female are treated quite differently and have different roles to play. The male nude body in Greek sculpture was used both for portrayals of ideal heroes - gods and idealized portraits of real heroes, notably the champions at the Olympic games. This brings up another basic aspect of the nude in art, its sometimes uneasy relationship to sexual desire. The entrenched homo-eroticism of ancient Greek society clearly has a good deal to do with the pre-eminence of the heroic male nude. In fact, around the 4th century BC, Praxitales and other sculptors did begin depicting nude females, notably the goddess of love, Aphrodite. But it remained indecorous for female portraits to depict nudity. More generally, a double standard where male and female nudity was concerned, persisted through the period of Roman sculpture and, indeed, right up to modern times, though its terms of reference frequently changed.

MG: So wacky gigs are the way to go?

MMNFM: One final wacky gig I did lately was act as concierge for this group of rowdy drunken Canadian guys who come out every year to play golf and cat around: I caddied for them last year, and they were so taken with me that this year they hired me to arrange everything. The first day, I set up a nude photo shoot with me and my fellow Goddess Collective members up at Red Rock Canyon — we drove the guys out there and posed for female-on-female art shots for a couple hours, and a great time was had by all. Then the next day, we all met up at a local golf course and proceeded to booze our way around the course, taking all manner of salacious photos and engaging in all kinds of naughty shenanigans involving strategically-placed golf tees and lots of puns involving the word “balls.” The final day, we were all supposed to get a cabana at one of the big pool parties, but the weather had turned shitty so we ended up just getting wasted at their hotel Jacuzzi, then going to the nightclub and getting messed up til all hours of the night.


Now, I haven’t set foot in a nightclub since the days when I was working at one…and guess what? It was just as abhorrent an experience as I recalled! This particular place was especially lame and unremarkable — they actually had the gall to hire that tired moron from Jersey Shore, Pauly D, as DJ! Even worse, all the star-struck, farm girls in the crowd were absolutely stoked, holding up their cell phones to capture footage of this momentous occasion. JEEZ!

Still, I’m not sure what happened but I ended up having a fantastic time — I was dressed really sloppily, in leggings and flip-flops (remember, we were boozing at the pool all day), but something happened and I went bat shit dancing, burning about 1,000,000 calories and having a really good time, despite the horrible DJ and lame-ass environment…so I guess it wasn’t all bad! The only downside was, after all that I felt like I’d been hit by a giant alcoholic Canuck bus — I mean, I was exhausted when those guys left! I don’t know how they did it.

MG: You used to be the belle of the ball, working every party which leads to me wondering if there have been any good parties lately.

MMNFM: The best party I went to lately was this amazing Burning-Man-themed bicycle pub crawl organized by one of my neighbors, called Blinking Man. Twice a year, about 300-400 wackos in costumes ride bikes covered in blinking lights all over downtown Vegas, stopping at four or five bars along the way for drinks and fun. This one group carts around a full DJ setup, and we basically have raves in all the parking lots we stop at along the way –

– it’s a RIOT! I went with some of my neighbors and friends, and even my roommate made an appearance, Rollerblading around half-naked in an Indian headdress and a G-string. NICE! All in all I was out til about 2am, pedaling furiously about the streets of downtown Vegas, dancing and drinking and getting merry like Christmas. NO WONDER I’M TIRED — that was my day off!!!

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Previous Margrét, My New Favorite Amazon Model Columns:

NSFW: At the Baghdad Cafe with Margrét>>October 16, 2017

Catching up with Margrét>>March 9, 2015

Nude Modeling>>February 2, 2014