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Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Class of 2018 Media Guy Hall of Shame Inductees

Okay, so where am I?

As you can see on the left, the call of Clio entries has been announced. That means I'm pulling together to campaigns from last year trying to see if I should spend $525 to $1,025 on entry fees to put my best work forward. It's been a while since my last win. Maybe it was easier in the nineties when the wins came fast and furious. A losing streak can surely shake your confidence. That is, until you assess your work over the years and you realize that your campaigns have kicked ass and that ethos has never ebbed and always flowed. Yeah, that's the ticket.

 "Gosh, you're so negative."

In the course of doing this work in 2018, I earmarked a whole bunch of campaigns and ads that missed their mark. I don't do that because I'm negative. I do it because the bad ads give you perspective to make great ads. Also, I'm hoping the people who run the companies making low awareness ads will call me. New business of sorts. The pay is good for me and the return on investment for the companies call is is large.

In 2016, I introduced my "You Should Have Called the Media Guy" columns where I basically call out tone-deaf CEOs and Chairmen who don't bother to vet their advertising and lecture them on why a simple call to the Media Guy have saved them millions in bad publicity if they had only let me watch their spots first. The columns are quite popular. Catch up on missed columns here:

I write these columns opening wondering how advertising like this could have possibly made it past their high-paid teams of creatives and then when they do, they double down by spending millions of dollars in ad space to brag how clueless their ads are, tarnishing their brands along the way.

In spite of my well-read columns, there were companies that didn't call and ran whatever felt right to them. Giants like H&M, Heineken, and Dolce and Gabbana proved they could generate some truly awful and ridiculous advertising last year. Hello Chief Marketing Officers: you can't see the forest among the trees. Call me. A small consulting check made out to me could save embarrassment and, also, potentially, your jobs. Swallow your pride and just do it!

So while I covered some bad campaigns in the midst of 2018, here is the complete list of my newest inductees into the Media Guy Hall of Shame:

5. Hong Kong Tourism Board

This from my October 12th Column:
[The ad] left me murmuring to Dr. Lam, Mr. Lau, and the entire Hong Kong Tourism Board: “What were you thinking?” This spot does little else than to embolden emotional abuse in relationships while dressing it up as “romance” and “love.” After watching this, Hong Kong has zippo appeal and would never encourage sane people to visit. 
Want the full story? Click here.


4. Heineken

The Amsterdam-based beer company is nine hours ahead of me, so I can understand their trepidation about calling at odd times, but their "Sometimes, lighter is better." commercial landed the brewer in hot water. The 30-second ad shows a bartender sliding a beer past three patrons, all of whom are African-American, to a lighter-skinned woman. The tag line reads "Sometimes, lighter is better." Yikes!


Chance the Rapper took to Twitter calling it "terribly racist." Thousands agreed.
3. Dolce & Gabbana

RESULT OF THE BAD CAMPAIGN: You think I'm kidding when I say bad advertising costs millions? After co-founder Domenico Dolce apologized to the public, and then was forced to cancel their Shanghai runway show.

WHY TO FUROR?: The luxury fashion line decided that  a marketing campaign full of ethnic stereotypes was their formula for success. The ad shows an Asian model attempting—and failing—to eat various Italian dishes with chopsticks. The public-at-large were outraged over the depiction of Chinese people as lacking refinement and an understanding of culture. That's not to mention the sexually suggestive content.

That was only the start. Following the campaign's launch, Diet Prada, a fashion-focused Instagram account, posted screenshots of an Instagram DM exchange between founder Stefano​ Gabbana and model Michaela Tranova, were Gabbana says "the country of [series of poop emojis] is China," and "China Ignorant Dirty Smelling Mafia." Of course the Diet Prada post went viral and the backlash was immediate. The hashtag #BoycottDolce immediately trended on the Chinese social media site Weibo. 

Click here to watch it on Instagram.

2. H&M

Another one covered in the "You Should Have Called The Media Guy" pages. H&M touted some of its new gear on its website with an image of a young African-American boy modeling a green sweatshirt that included the slogan "Coolest Monkey in the Jungle." 

Former H&M endorser The Weeknd was not impressed. Read my full take.


1. Domino's Pizza

In Russia, Domino's launched "Dominos Forever," a campaign offering 100 free pizzas a year for 100 years to customers who inked their bodies with the brand's logo
.

Hundreds took them up on their offer and got inked and that's when Domino's pivoted, releasing restrictions such as size of the tattoo, as well as a 350-person cap on the offer. The promotion was immediately cancelled. No word on how many people were denied.
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Commercial Roast: Peloton

If you’ve ever seen a Peloton workout bike commercial, you've been shamed. How? Why? Take a look at the spot. I promise, it will only take a minute...



Did you notice the overriding themes? Every actor in the the Peloton ad is in great shape. Every actor lives in a better home than you. Every actor chose to make the Peloton workout bike the centerpiece of their better life.

Remember what Renée Zellweger said in Jerry Maguire?:


"It used to be a better meal, now it's a better life." The same applies to the Peloton. "It used to be a better way to workout, now it's a better life." Sure, it’s a commercial, but it might as well be parody, amirite? This past week, @ClueHeywood took to Twitter and did what I couldn't: roasted Reloton and along the way highlighted the absurdity of their ads with a stream of consciousness thread. Bravo Clue Haywood!












Commercial Credits:
Agency:  Partners & Spade
Production Company:  Reset
Directors:  Andre Stringer
Editor:  Arcade Edit / Brad Waskewich
Composer - Steve Lynch
Music company:  Echolab
ECD/Partner: Anthony Sperduti
Creative Director: Griffin Creech
Art Director: Rob Matthews
Executive Producers:  Erika Best & Andy Wilcox
Account Director:  Cristina Fotieo
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Wednesday, January 23, 2019

The Worst Fans in Hockey—10 through 1


Note: Part I can be found here.

Part II.

I’m back from the holiday break and what did we learn (or were reminded of) between the trading freeze and today?
  • Drew Doughty is an All Star.
  • The Kings have fantastic goaltending and goalie coaches.
  • Willie D. has no idea how to build team chemistry.
  • The players have goal songs. 
  • Jack Hughes is still in play!
While I was touring Kontinental Hockey League country (column coming next week), my inbox was filling up from those of you who had their own bad fan experiences. So before I get to the worst 10 fans of all time, here are the top email selections from you, the readers:
  • Shirt off guy. Sometimes in the upper upper 300s.
  • The visiting fan entourage who starts chanting their hometown chant.*
  • The guy who gets ice cream all over himself and doesn’t realize it.
  • Sharks Fans who call Kings Fans “bandwagoners.”
  • The Creepy Dance Cam Guy.
  • The guy who thinks he’s a hockey scout.
  • The former college player.
  • The guy sitting 600 feet from the ice who screams at the refs and actually thinks they can hear him over 100 db of Bon Jovi and crowd noise.
* - The only time this actually works is the Freeway Series where Kings fans invade the Honda Center. The “Go Kings Go” is two to three times louder than “Let’s Go Ducks.” Ducks fans may actually be the worst in all of sports. But that’s another column altogether.

And, now on with the countdown…

10. Too Many Beers Guy

Here are the warning signs:

A.) He’s typically a college freshman who hasn’t really figured out the whole drinking thing yet;
B.) He’s usually the shortest guy in his group;
C.) Every TV timeout, he hops up for another round;
D.) He almost always returns to his seat carrying two beers and spilling them all over the place;
E.) He enters a glazed stupor by the second intermission.

9. The Puck Father

You know this guy. He’s near the team benches -- near the spot where the junior equipment folks throw out the pucks before the players emerge for warmups -- practically pleading for pucks and holding his kid up in the air like a hostage.

8. Check-in Guy

Check-in Guy brings his kid to the game and feels the need to call home during every period to check in with his wife. The first call usually unfolds in a sequence like this:
”Hey honey, it’s me…” (Translation: I just wanted to thank you for letting me come to the game.) 
”I can barely hear you!” (Indeed, it’s tough to hear when you’re sitting in an arena with 17,000 other people.) 
”We’re at the game!” (Always said with an inflection, as if it’s an amazing feat to be able to call someone from a hockey game.) 
”It’s great!” (He wouldn’t know if the game’s good or not, because he just sat down and couldn’t allow a few minutes to pass without calling.) 
”Uh-huh, yeah he’s right here.” (It’s important for the wife to know that her husband didn’t lose their child.) 
”I’ll let you talk to him…” (To prove it.)
Every subsequent call pretty much sounds the same. On the bright side, this guy also leaves early because it’s a school night.

7. Stoned Aggressive Guy

He’s a distant cousin to the Too Many Beers Guy. These guys are prepared to offend everyone within earshot of their seats. They’ll catcall your girlfriend, daughter, or sister. They’ll drop random F-bombs. They’ll spill beer on you. They’ll use their middle finger until it hurts. Usually you can spot the SAGs right away, sometimes even before the game starts.

6. Instagram Mom

The first of two callouts to the ladies in my top ten goes to the Instagram Mom. She’s the mom who suddenly decides that she needs to get a picture of her family during the middle of a period so she can post it real time on Instagram. Bonus points are earned here if she’s oblivious enough to ask somebody else in the section to take the picture.

Photo by Jonathan Kozub/NHLI via Getty Images
5. The Obnoxious Guy Rooting for the Visitors

Look, most of us have cheered our home team in an enemy arena; however, there’s a huge disparity between supporting the visitors and provoking the home fans, amirite? The Obnoxious Guy usually wears some form of opposing paraphernalia (usually a sweater, sometimes a hat), shouts out unintelligent nicknames for his players, claps his hands repulsively, curses and flashes his middle finger towards the ice, and does everything imaginable to exasperate people in his section. He blossoms when he does it.

4. Flirty Fans

Hockey has a spectacle where some women make “Marry Me” or double-entendre signs directed at players and stand at the glass during warmups, garnering a lot of attention on social media these days. You see that a lot on the Eastern time zones, not so much in the West.


3. Work Buddies

Listen, going with work buddies is excellent team building and camaraderie. But pick your seatmates wisely because three out of five of your work buddies have no interest in the game and we all suffer. They’re sitting in the company seats. Sometimes wearing suits or a blazer over jeans. They’re nursing a single beer over two periods. They’re discussing work-related projects. They still think Canadians say “Eh?” every two seconds. They’re not afraid to tell a story from that other hockey game they went to eight years ago and they definitely plan on leaving before the end of the game to “beat the traffic.”

As an added punch in the stomach, they usually have great seats. The world just isn’t fair. Don’t confuse this guy with Game Date Guy. Game Date Guy brings his budding relationship to her first hockey game and tries to show her why hockey is the greatest game on earth. That guy is just plain awesome.

2. Cotton Candy Guy

This is the guy who orders something from a strolling vendor during a critical penalty kill. He doesn’t just order, he stands up to take his wallet out and decides if it’s going to be a twenty or a ten he is going to pay with. He remains standing, unaware, until someone gives him the “DOWN IN FRONT!” and forces him into the half-standing, half-crouch position. Goodness gracious, sakes alive, I hate this guy.

Odd Fact #1: This guy is always firmly planted in the middle of a row, which means everyone needs to pass both the cash and the purchased item back and forth. If you want everyone in your section to hate you with every fiber of their being, start here.

Odd Fact #2: Cotton Candy Guy usually pulls double duty as Check-in Guy. If you ever notice Check-in Guy at the start of a game, buckle up for the vendor/wallet fiasco at some point. Trust me here.

1. Cell Phone Guy

The guy sitting on the glass right behind the goal who talks excitedly on his cell phone and executes those “Hey, look at me!” waves during every scrum behind the net. Cell phones at the game is the worst phenomenon of the technology century, especially the dude who wants to showcase what he can do to disrupt the game experience from his $750 seat.

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That wraps up the top ten. I am sure I missed some, so feel free to write in with your own. In the countdown world, I think I’m supposed to quote the immortal Casey Kasem and remind you to “Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.”

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Tuesday, January 1, 2019

How's Life?

Okay, so where am I?

Happy New Year from the desk of the Media Guy Struggles!

I'm currently on assignment in the former Communist Bloc countries covering the Kontinential Hockey League. It will be a fun series of articles once I am done. For now, I have been all around Russia and in subsequent days I'll take some vacation (?) in Bulgaria and Romania.

I'm a little nervous about Romania, considering the last time I was there I was "asked" to leave the country by the local mafia I wound up working for at the time. In case you missed my article back in 2011 (and I know most of you did), here's a tip of the hat to the first time I was tossed from the arms of Bucharest. Could be a good book in this column. (Hint hint, Penguin Books USA!)

Yet, I digress...

I was asked today, of course, what my New Year's Resolutions will be.

I went with the usual: a) workout more, b) be more patient, and c) drink less coffee. I also went with the unusual: Get people to stop asking others, “So, How's Life?”

Small talk ain't easy. Making an attempt at it takes perseverance and some courage. I mean you have to work with people so small talk is critical to your success and it’s not easy.

“So, How's Life?” is comparable to asking children how their day was. Common replies include “same-same,” “the usual,” and of course, a rushed pirouette out of the room.

It makes sense. The infinite possibilities are brain busters, and the dialogue concludes before it could begin.

Just because everyone does it, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a great idea. In fact, the contrary is probably true. If everyone does it, it probably stinks. As evidence, I present college loans, buying cars fresh off the assembly line, and cheating on your taxes.

Look, I fumbled the small talk routine all the time, too. It’s simple to autopilot this stuff. But if you give a little extra sweat equity, you’ll find that your relationships at work and at home will flourish.

THOUGHT-INDUCING QUESTIONS TO ASK NEXT TIME:
  • What was the best part of your weekend?
  • What was the worst part of your weekend?
  • Would you rather have the ability to spot every lie, or never be lied to again?
  • Brutal weather today, right?
  • What movie should I watch next?
  • Trump, huh?
  • Why do you reheat fish in the microwave?
  • How old were you when you lost your sense of smell?
  • What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
  • Do you even understand what I’m capable of?
Give it a whirl and let me know how it goes.

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