Plagiarism: Stopping word thieves

This past Sunday, October 21, 2012, CBS Morning News aired a brilliant segment on plagiarism. Here's an excerpt:

Accusations of plagiarism have plagued writers for centuries. Shakespeare was accused of it; so was Oscar Wilde.

T.S. Elliot famously stated, "Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal."

The Beatles' George Harrison was sued for lifting the melody of "My Sweet Lord" from the Chiffons song, "He's So Fine."

Ray Parker Jr, who wrote the "Ghostbusters" theme, was taken to court by Huey Lewis for allegedly ripping off "I Want a New Drug."

Called "Word for Word" you should check it out here.

The Handwriting Sensei: PART TWO

OK. Here comes the shameless plug. The new book is coming soon. Landscapes of Life: behind the lens. The photographs in it are an embodiment of me and the words I am creating are from my soul. My fourth book is about Crazy Experiences and that's how I met Theresa Ortega, The Handwriting Sensei. In part one of this blog, I told you a little bit about her Crazy Experience and while she was telling me, she agreed to analyze my handwriting as well.

Here’s the setup for a quality analysis:  

·         Use unlined paper.

·         Write like you normally write. Seems most people these days write in a combination of cursive and printing, but use whatever is most comfortable for you.

·         Sit comfortably when you write.

·         Write whatever comes into your head, about any topic, but do write several short paragraphs. [Top Tip from The Handwriting Sensei: a friend who worked at the FBI doing FDE work says there is a special significance after 120 words.....I've learned quite a few things from him!]

·         Sign your name at the end, as you would to anything "official" like a letter, check, or contract.

So why the shameless plug earlier? The writing sample I sent was a quasi-excerpt from Landscapes of Life. Here’s what I submitted (and yes, these are The Media Guy’s words):

When the heart is uncluttered, it carries endlessly from pole to pole. Willingness and suppleness give way to a natural sensation of marvel and the freedom from fear.

As freedom gives flight, our heart grows and develops. As the heart opens, we can then be inspired. We can breathe in the truest meaning. An open heart awakens the soul with the power to achieve.

Inspiration can be found anywhere and in anything. I believe it can be found and used for goodness. Where have I found it? People. Sisterhood. Brotherhood. God. Volunteering. Capitalism. Optimism that laughs at adversity. Vinyl records. Basketball. Ink. Flowers. Water. Literature. Zeus. Desire. Debates. Doubt. Breathtaking Views. Boredom. Foreign Languages. Wishes. Candles. Fire. Ice. Cumulus Clouds. Innocence. Waves. Paradox. Logic. Truth. And that's just the beginning.

Without further ado, here is The Handwriting Sensei’s analysis:

MICHAEL LLOYD 2012

• You are a grounded and fairly even-tempered. You relate to those who can express their emotions easily, and those who cannot. You consider your heart when making decisions, but are mostly head-ruled. Many friends probably come to you for advice, thinking, “Let’s ask Michael what he would do, he is centered and gives good advice.”
• You are artistic and appreciate artistic and cultural endeavors
• Very determined – you will persevere against many obstacles to attain your goals
• Open-minded, you are able to listen to others and see all sides
• Direct when you deal with people – you don’t beat around the bush. If someone asks for your opinion, you will give it honestly.
• Intuitive – you get strong gut feelings about things that are happening to you, to close friends and family, about situations, and you listen to your gut because it has proven right for you to do so. At times, your intuition is strong enough to cause you to wonder, “Am I crazy? Am I overreacting?” to the point of feeling a sense of being able to peer into the future, but you are usually right.
• A bit impulsive – once in a while you do something that causes your friends to exclaim, ‘What the hell was THAT?”
• Not as happy in your job as you would like - - about half the strokes that show this indicate that you would often like to be doing something else.
• Talkative – you have no problem talking to any person or group, and can converse about many topics
• Quick thinker/analytical – you assess situations quickly, sometimes you may even be impatient with others who don’t think as quickly as you do.
• Strokes indicate a lower body pain/injury issue, usually indicated from the end of the spine and down. (It can be something that has healed, such as a broken bone; it can be something that is currently causing pain; OR it can be something that is emerging. It is consistent on all lower zones).
• Can be sensitive to criticism at times, usually about your appearance
• Half the strokes indicate a desire to yield during a conversation or argument and let the other person win, even if you know you are right. It is often a peacekeeping measure.
• When someone tells you that you can’t do something, your response is often, “To hell with you, I’m DOING IT ANYWAY!”
• Strokes indicate pain in the upper zone, usually from the neck up. It can be stress, migraine headaches, neck pain or injury, and so on. Strokes are consistent in all upper zones.
• As an employee, some of your staff may find you a bit tyrannical at times
• You can be stubborn and operate with the attitude, “Don’t confuse me with the facts, my mind’s already made up!”
• Very intelligent
• You are loyal to friends and family
• There is a level of importance to these words for you: Zeus, Wishes, Ice, Paradox, Truth.
• You have a special relationship with the truth - - you always seek to control it. I would surmise that either someone lied to you in a very grand way, or there is something personal that urges you to control the truth. There is a lot of sarcasm associated with truth for you as well, which I don’t see associated with any other thought. Also, somewhat of a hopeful/dreamy element about it, as though it was a great dream for you to always be surrounded by the truth, for you to be able to control the truth around you. But you are aware enough to know that that will not be the case, and so the sarcasm is associated with it. You will know what this is about; all I can see are stroke patterns.
• Self-expectations are met with strict discipline, and you may hide the aspects of your personality that you feel are inadequate.
• When you speak of yourself, you often see yourself as secondary to everyone else, and often place priorities on everyone except yourself. You are prudent and concerned with security. You consider all parts of an equation when making a decision.
• There are also indications of pain/stress in the middle zone, which tend to be stomach, heart, and lung areas. The strokes are consistent across the middle zone.
• You start out trying to be Johnny-by-the-book and doing everything by the rules, but eventually, you often realize that you must find a different way around things to accomplish your goals. You often have a unique way of completing a task, and can be a rule-breaker.
• You can easily segue from topic to topic and connect ideas that others don’t always see as related. You have a great communication skill found in actors, writers, speakers, talk show hosts, etc. How appropriate!
• You are optimistic, a positive trait that augments all others
• You have diplomacy, as I like to say, the ability to tell someone to go to hell so they look forward to making the trip, AND, packing their bags! A great skill to have in any career or business.
• YOUR SIGNATURE: You are much more outgoing in public than is your nature. Often, this is a product of a particular career or job. Your determination shows up strongly here as well, along with a lot of physical energy, and a need to keep some of yourself to yourself by the illegibility in the signature. 

Pretty hot analysis and wildly accurate in so many ways. I cannot wait for my daughter to bring a boy home so we can analyze him. So now you know a little more about me...in exchange, how about liking The Media Guy's Facebook book page or following me on Twitter?

In the meantime, don't forget to follow Theresa on Facebook and Twitter until the Crazy Experiences book becomes a reality.

MEDIA GUY SAY: No need for Eastern Philosophy with The Handwriting Sensei around.

Comic Books Have Finally Graduated

The Media Guy loves comics as much as the next guy. Last year I even counted the days down to National Comics Day. Comics rule the movies and produce large numbers now in publishing.

But, comic books as a legitimate form of American art and literature?

I guess their time has come.

On Oct. 10, New Jersey’s Monmouth University will confer the world’s first fine arts doctorate in comic books on Michael Uslan, the originator and executive producer of the blockbuster Batman movie franchise that began in 1989, including the recent Dark Knight trilogy.

Uslan, who wrote about his comic obsession and its positive effect on his life in his memoir, The Boy Who Loved Batman says it’s a long overdue recognition for an industry that was derided and vilified for decades.

“This will have a tremendously positive impact on the industry, the fans, the artists and writers,” he says. “With the recognition by academia of comic books as expressions of fine art, we’ll see more talented people going into the industry, and they will continue to innovate, refine and redefine this art form and the art of graphic story-telling.”

The university chose Uslan for the honor because of his decades of work establishing the genre as an important element of American art and culture, said Monmouth President Paul G. Gaffney II.

“We are proud to award Michael Uslan an honorary degree in the ‘fine art of comic books,’ ” he said. “Through his work and teaching, he has shown the world that comics are a legitimate art form and uniquely American.”

Uslan, who taught the world’s first accredited college course in comics at Indiana University, Bloomington, Ind., in 1971, also wrote the first textbook on comics, “The Comic Book In America.”  Today, many colleges and universities offer comics courses.

Uslan’s drive to change the way society views comic books dates to childhood, when he recognized the heroes he so admired were often portrayed in media as campy characters not to be taken seriously. As he grew older, he learned the dark history of the American comic book, which first appeared in 1934.

“After World War II, there was a spike in juvenile crime. Psychiatrist Fredric Wertham blamed comic books in his book, ‘Seduction of the Innocent’,” Uslan says, “that led to a 1954 Senate investigation into comic books and their alleged deleterious effects on America’s youth, including the notion they caused asthma because comic book readers stayed indoors to read instead of playing outside in the fresh air.”

“During that period, the general public viewed comic books as poison. Many parents wouldn’t let their kids near a comic book. There were comic book burnings,” Uslan says. “From the 1930s to the ‘70s, people in the industry were derided for working in the world of comics. They were looked down upon by society.”

Meanwhile, artists and writers – notably Stan Lee, former editor-in-chief of Marvel Comics and co-creator of iconic heroes such as Spider-Man and the Avengers – were weaving a modern American mythology, Uslan says.

He points to these reasons why America is finally now, rightfully, embracing its unique art form.

• Comic books are a mirror of American society. Sociologically, since the 1930s they’ve been reflecting our changing culture, our values, mores, fashions and fads, warts and all, prejudices and biases included.

• Comic heroes are our modern mythology. The only difference between them and the ancient Greek gods is that our super-heroes and super-villains today wear Spandex and capes. But like the ancient gods, they reinforce values, convey moral lessons and provoke important discussions about ethics.

• The explosion of blockbuster feature films based on comic books and graphic novels has made American comics a global fascination. Uslan’s 1989 “Batman,” directed by Tim Burton, ushered in a new dark and serious portrayal of comic book heroes on the big screen. His 2008 “The Dark Knight” and this year’s “The Dark Knight Rises” opened the door to other comic-based blockbusters, from “The X-Men” and “Spider-Man” to “The Avengers” and “Iron Man.” These movies are influencing every aspect of culture, from video games to fashion trends. By 2013, comic book conventions will be bursting on the scene overseas, proving that the characters and stories the creators have given us have the power to cross cultures as well as borders.

• Comics have earned recognition in the art world. Comic book exhibits have been displayed in the galleries of noted art museums from the Smithsonian Institution to the Louvre to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to the United Nations.

“Next,” says Uslan, “I’d like to see creative geniuses from the industry like the venerable Stan Lee recognized with Kennedy Center Honors for their achievements. What were once simply comic books are now being translated into the performing arts and it’s a crime that neither Stan nor any other creator from the field of American comic books and graphic novels has ever been recognized and honored by that illustrious group.

“And if it’s a crime, it means that Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, The Hulk and the rest will be after them if they don’t make it right.”

The Handwriting Sensei: PART ONE

ALERT: This entry of the Media Guy Struggles is an unreserved exchange that intermittently touches on mature subjects and language. 

Let’s just say this: I have too many books in the works. The photography book. The Media Memoirs book. The English Diplomat Book. And…the Crazy Experiences book.

For the Crazy Experiences book, I wanted sent this query around the industry:

Have you ever been on a talk show? How about a game show? Do you have a behind-the-scenes story that will excite? If you have a great story, I want to hear from you. The best ones will be published in some form in an upcoming book.

My new bestie Theresa Ortega, a certified handwriting analyst at The Handwriting Sensei (www.handwritingsensei.com), was among the seventy-five responders—and definitely the most fun. Her story is pretty entertaining and definitely book worthy…here goes…

I was invited to do a live radio show where I analyzed handwriting of the listeners. They had me analyze the staff first and all agreed that it was very accurate. The listeners had a great time as they faxed in their samples and I analyzed them live on the air. The Program Director was very interested in a personal analysis, as he wasn't on air with us. So, we sat in his office and I took a look at his handwriting. I noticed some, ahem, peculiar things about his physical appetites that were manifested in his writing. I was trying to come up with how I was going to tactfully tell this man that I saw some, well, kinkiness in his writing…it came to me quickly, and I've used it numerous times since. I gave him a few details about his personality traits, and then waited with the juicy revelation at the end, and I said, "It seems you have a certain, shall we say, penchant for sexual activity outside the norm." HIS EYES LIT UP LIKE A CANNON, he smiled a huge toothy grin, grabbed the paper and exclaimed, "REALLY?? Where do you see THAT??" So I proceeded to show him where I saw the strokes that indicated the traits.....he hooted and hollered, and yelled, "FUCKING A!!" and ran down the hall with the paper in hand, telling all who would listen, "Can you believe it?? SHE CAN TELL I'M A PERVERT!!! THAT IS AWESOME!!" He ran from office to office with his newly gleaned information...

Wouldn't it be great to know about someone just by the way they write? I know the Media Guy could definitely get a leg up if he could understand all of this. So when I spoke with Theresa I wanted to know if she could analyze MY handwriting?

Theresa Ortega: You lead a pretty exciting and interesting life. The hotel key card, AWESOME!!! Aaaargggh, I relate!  "....in the middle of Timbuktu".........heh heh heh....but the Abercrombie couple.......classic. Your life may not be all princesses and Miss Universes, but, it sounds rousing, so yes, I can analyze anyone's handwriting. It would be fun to analyze your handwriting.

Media Guy: Was the guy baiting you? Did he want you to respond like this and ask you out? I have a colleague who does crazy stuff like this to get clients and dates...

        

TO: Nope, no interest in me at all......he just ran around the studio like a crazy man, shouting, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? FUCKING A!! She can see I'm INTO THE KINK by my handwriting!!!!" and so on.......

MG: What do you charge for one of your sessions? Do you testify in court as an expert?

        

TO: It depends on what type of analysis it is. No, I am not a FDE (Forensic Document Examiner); that is a totally different certification. My work is mostly with relationship issues (personal and employment related), compatibility, self-esteem and self-improvement. 

MG: Tell me more about the rumor and the actor that wanted you off the set. Anyone famous? Did he/she have a reputation for doing this? What kid of show was it? What was the timeframe?

          

TO: No rumor, no actor. The guy was a Program Director for a local AOR radio station. No one famous. No reputation for doing this that I was aware of. Of course, I wasn't familiar with him, I only knew a few of the DJ's, and they had asked me to come on the show to analyze handwriting live as something fun and unique for their listeners. The show was a morning drive radio show, their demographic was probably males 16-25, maybe 16-40. It happened around 2000. And no, I would not have dated this guy after analyzing his handwriting!!

MG: Back to my handwriting analysis, should I be nervous? I’m on pins and needles!

TO: PINS AND NEEDLES??? Aww, c'mon, Michael, it won't be THAT bad!

A person such as yourself who is interested in self-discovery and self-improvement, believe me, I've rarely seen the psycho-killer traits in the handwriting............as I said, I won't be telling you anything about yourself that you don't already know, but most people are surprised at what can actually be gleaned from handwriting. (I will, hopefully, make you think about a few of the things I can see and mention, but don't know exactly what the full story may be. You will see what I mean. I always tell people that while I can see many things, in the end, I have no super powers, ESP, or crystal ball. It's all about stroke patterns and a very methodical examination of traits. I'm just a technician). 

MG: Tell me what kind of training you took to become an analyst.

TO: I studied via online/live classes for many years. We would do the audio part as a teleconference, and then the instructor would use a website to show the samples we were talking about before the webinar concept was perfected. Then attended our International Conference every year, where we got a chance to hear analysts from other disciplines (yes, there are several schools of thought on analysis/graphology), and I took the oral and written certification exam in 2007. This was through Bart Baggett's Handwriting University International. I passed, woohooo!!

Now I continue to attend trainings with other recognized analysts I've met across the country, such as Beverley East, Iris Hatfield, Sheila Lowe, Kathi McKnight, Treyce Montoya, Joseph Zarek, and so on...plus I've gotten to know several AMAZING graphologists in South America such as Evelyn Aguilera Arce and Mercedes Lapietra, who send me information in Spanish that I can't get here.

MG: Also who comes to you?

TO: Corporate event planners, trade show organizers, HR managers, charities, individuals. I've done everything from a 16-year-old boy's birthday party here in Terre Haute, to analyzing handwriting at the annual SHRM (Society for Human Resource Managers) Conference of 15,000 attendees in Atlanta, Georgia this past May!! Private events such as bachelorette parties, corporate fundraisers, corporate teambuildings, professional associations, art shows, college sports conferences, and much more.

MG: What's the average fee?

TO: Average fee? Well, I have a non-profit rate and a corporate rate, and I give a discount to the corporate group if they book me for 4 hours or more to analyze. Strictly analyzing, it's $125/hour non-profit, $300/hour corporate. My average personal analysis is around $200. Workshops and keynotes are $3,000-5,000.

MG: When my daughter brings a boy home should I do a handwriting analysis on him to make sure he's not a psychopath?

TO: Analyze boyfriends?? ABSOLUTELY!!! I can go more in depth on this later, but suffice it to say that I get a lot of college handwriting gigs due to my day job (I work at a student rec center at a university), and see a lot of young guys' handwriting. I've become alarmed at much of what I see lately, and one sample I was analyzing perturbed me quite a bit…so I sent it to my friend at the FBI. I told him all the stuff that bothered me and made me uneasy, and wanted him to verify if it was as bad as I thought. He came back to say that it was much WORSE than I thought.......and the sample ended up in his book as a perfect example of "red flag" behaviors that should be avoided in relationships. Yep, sexual aggressiveness, manipulation, anger, physical aggressiveness, short temper, etc, etc, ad nauseum. The kind of guy that, in his opinion, would forcefully take something he thought he wanted and wasn't getting. You know what I mean.

I joke to people that I would not go out on a second date with a guy unless he gave me a sample of his handwriting. But it's not a joke. I wish I had learned this stuff 20 years ago.

What does it say? It says that COMING SOON: The Media Guy gets his handwriting analyzed.

Are Books Doomed to Extinction?

We all know that the Media Guy loves his books. You remember books, right? Those heavy bound things with lots of paper for people with an attention span...

What is happening in the industry is as saddening as it is maddening. 
How do we change it all?

I recently ran into Michael Levin, founder and CEO of BusinessGhost, Inc. (www.BusinessGhost.com) who said that “Publishers must innovate to save the book as we know it.” Who is he you ask? His resume speaks for itself…author of more than 100 books, including eight national best-sellers; five that have been optioned for film or television. He’s co-written with Baseball Hall of Famer Dave Winfield, football broadcasting legend Pat Summerall, NBA star Doug Christie and Hollywood publicist Howard Bragman, among others.

With all that on his side of the ledger, he says he can see the writing on the iPad.

“Unless something changes, books as we know them are doomed, and not simply because people prefer to read on their iPads or Kindles.” says Levin. “You’ll see the major publishing houses starting to go away in three to five years,” Levin says. “Their business model is in free fall. Already, we’re seeing books becoming shorter, cheaper, and diminishing in quality. You’ll soon see fewer really good authors bothering to write books, because books are no longer a meaningful source of revenue.”

Levin points to several developments he says foreshadow a sad ending for books:

• Attention spans are diminishing. Three-fourths of teachers said their students’ attention spans are shorter than ever, according to a poll released in June. By 11 years old, nearly half of the kids had stopped reading for pleasure. The poll, by publisher Pearson UK, is just the most recent survey/study documenting shrinking attention spans and a corresponding drift from books. “Part of the problem is children don’t see their parents reading,” Levin says. “Obviously, the kids’ aren’t the only ones with diminishing attention spans.”

• Major publishers are producing lower-quality books. The big publishing houses today are more interested in a quality marketing plan than in the quality of the book, so we’re being deluged by low-quality books. One reason is that many large publishers have stopped taking on the expense of marketing books, but they know it’s necessary for sales. So they take on authors with a marketing plan and budget. They’re also less interested in “star” authors, who demand higher royalties. They also lost authors when they eliminated advances in response to the 2008 recession.

• Books are moving to devices, where content is free and time is thin-sliced. Online, you don’t expect to pay for content. People will expect books available online to be either free or very inexpensive, and if those books turn out to be one chapter of ideas and eleven chapters of Hamburger Helper, they will be less willing to pay for them. Also, people don’t spend much time going into depth online; books are supremely inappropriate for the surface-skimming nature of the Internet. Once people have bought a bunch of ebooks they’ve never started, they’ll stop buying them altogether.

• Authors have a more difficult time earning a livable wage. Fewer authors can earn enough to make writing a full-time job. The audience is shrinking and fewer people are willing to pay $15 for a paper book when cheap alternatives are available. “We’ve already seen more books written to promote a product, service or company, or to brand the writer so he or she can pursue a more lucrative field,” Levin says. “Most books of the future will be marketing tools, since that’s the only way they’ll be profitable.”

He does find reason for hope, but it will require publishers to change how they do business.

“They need to stop trying to go after the mass market, which doesn’t exist anymore, settle on a niche and develop a brand. Publishers that stand for something in the reader’s mind – like Harlequin stands for romance – are built for the long haul,” he says.

Instead of publishing 500 low-quality books every year, major publishers should bring out only 50 top-quality winners and actually market them, he says. And publish how-to and other guidance and instructional books in concentrated form: short, powerful and to the point,

The rest of us have a job to do, too, Levin adds.

“People need to read, and they need to read to their kids or buy them books. If people stop demanding good books, there eventually will be none available,” he says. “The winners, going forward, will be that minority who still read and think for themselves. It’s a lot easier for government, the military, and the corporate world to control the way people think if they aren’t reading for themselves. That ought to be reason enough to save the book.”

Tangentmakers and the Dreaded Key Card

Okay, so where am I?

As always, my client looked a little cross-eyed after five-and-a-half hours of SEO, PPC and CRM

Who knows what evil lurks inside the plastic hell?

talk. Marketing buzz words layered with endless rationale will do that. Shoot, hearing about website analytics will bore the best of us, but this is what pays bills and clients usually go with your gut feeling as long as you have your act together backed by this boring details. Life can’t always be chatting with movie stars, Miss USA’s and football owners. The routine, perfected after thousands of cycles and repetitions, is what makes guarantees success.

So there I was in another nameless Eurasian five-star hotel after wrapping the meeting ready to curl up with Tropic of Cancer and a vodka martini. This is the recipe for relaxation on the road. Eyes half open, I wander out of the lobby and up to the 29th floor, checking every pocket – that’s ten pockets in all counting the blazer and the slacks – for the hotel key card. Find the card, get to the door and BAM! What happens? That little red light flashes on the brass door handle mocking you that once again she’s not going to open.

Outside of the cancelled or delayed flight, is there any bigger routine killer than the key card that refuses to open the hotel room door?

Ah, the dreaded hotel key card. The nemesis of any traveler.

The master of disaster.

Plastic from hell.

Are you kidding me? It’s not even a key. It’s a hunk of plastic.

I mean really, is there anything worse than your key card inexplicably pulling up a red light? That red light only means one thing: you have to drag yourself back down to the reception desk to get a new one.

Eurasian keys are still keys in every sense...

Now, the Media Guy isn’t violent, but at the end of a long day of meetings or even a long day of exploring ruins in the middle of Timbuktu, the last thing you want is a delay getting back to your room for a hot shower and some room service. It’s at that moment you say to yourself, whoever invented the hotel key card needs to be hunted down and shot. Yes, the hotel key card is the travel’s nightmare.

In this instance, I had a lot of time to reflect on the hotel key card as I embodied Mr. Toad during his Wild Ride attempting to get back to the front desk to get a new card. Wouldn’t it be my luck that the sixteenth floor had a massive water leak that pretty much soaked the whole floor and wiped out three of the four elevators?

...and wildly more reliable.

The stairs were closed so there I waited, zipping through my iPhone, sending out news releases and trying not to overly eavesdrop on the couple ten paces away. It was obvious they were feuding long before my personal crisis started, yet their conversation was enthralling with an equal mix of business and displeasure. This was a whole lot better than Tropic of Cancer and, believe it or not, a whole lot sexier.

The couple was tucked into the corner of the elevator banks next to the faux Tiffany lamp acting like they wanted to be discreet, yet too angry to worry about it. They were something out of Abercrombie &; Fitch. Wildly attractive, young and fit with an edge that only comes with youth.

“F*#% you Steve, ok? F*#% you!” she said. “Why do you constantly pull that s*#%? Honestly, I can’t understand you!”

“What is your deal? Understand me? I never get why you act like this,” Steve replied.

“You’re so f*#%ing dumb Steve seriously. I’m so done with you.”

“Oh we’re done because care about you? You’re I’m just supposed to disregard it all? I was worried about you ok?”

“So you call my f*#%ing boss? You’re acting jealous stupid! What business do you have calling my boss and telling him about my side projects?”

Yep, this looked like Steve and his girlfriend.

“I didn’t call him to tell him about you, we’re in the middle of nowhere and you disappeared.  I called him to see if he knew where you were. I was worried about you baby.”

“Don’t f*#%ing call me baby or honey bear or any of that crap do you understand me? If you call me that crap again I’m going to smack you,” the girl said. “Don’t worry about ‘your baby’…where's my journal with my presentation for tomorrow?”

That’s when the room got silent. Steve was speechless about the journal question. As I stared endlessly at the down arrow in the elevator, I kept thinking that this would definitely get more fascinating before it got less. I opted to shut up and let it all flow. My old boss at the Pool Company used to say once that once the meeting went off on a tangent “to ride the flow” and gather in all of the information they tangentmakers were willing to give out without being prompted. This is where loose lips sink ships so to say. When emotions are out of control, people are apt to say anything. These were wise words and over my career I’ve gained a tremendous amount of knowledge just be absorbing the room. Sponge it all in.

By the time he stammered around searching for an answer that would please her, you could tell panic had set in. Have you ever been really grilled by a boss or significant other and didn’t have an answer? You know, where your face turns clammy pale and the beads of sweat pool your forehead crinkles? Well, that was Steve.

 Steve pulled out his phone and started punching buttons.

“What are you doing Steve? I asked you a question. What are you doing? You’d better not be trying to question my boss anymore. He’s only supposed to know that I am here for the modeling assignment.”

“I just wanted to call the restaurant and see if I left my carrier bag there,” Steve said.

“Are you f*#%ing stupid Steve? You had my journal in there and you left it somewhere?”

And that’s when it happened. She picked up that fake Tiffany lamp and hurled it at his head. It was lying in slow motion I swear. It smacked the wall with a ringing the most perfect crackle of glass a fit of rage ever produces. It was perfect, yet I don’t know how she was managed to miss him. Maybe it was because she was a lefty.

That’s when she stared him down. “I don’t want you to talk Steve! Understand this: you better get out a pen and write down everything I tell you before I forget everything that was in my journal, you f*#%er!”

What followed was dissertation on advertising that would have made a professor blush with the mere fact that when compared to her, most media experts don’t know anything. I even found myself talking mental notes on her brilliant verbal essay. The funny thing is that during her information dump, every twenty words or so she was punctuate her sentences with a “F*#%” or would call poor Steve a “douchebag.” Try as I might, I couldn’t help but snicker every time she said “douche.” There’s something about a guy going all Mike Tyson silent as if Robin Givens is being interviewed by Barbara Walters and her calling him names throughout. 

Anyway, they were so far gone into the zone that I was completely invisible. I could have been dancing naked around them and she still would be forcing to be him to take down every word.

At this point I was praying that the elevator wouldn't come. I was learning too much. And just like that, the cussing ending and they were lip-locked. I mean really going at…Cinemax Style. Just as I wondered how the dreaded key card dropped me into this surrealism, the elevator arrived and Steve immediately looked up and said, “I apologize about my crazy girlfriend.”

The instant he said that, she started screaming at me, “F*#%-you-no-tie-suit-guy! You’re just a f*#%ing douche too.” I laughed and walking into the crowded elevator just as they started kissing again.

We started our gradual descent as they four ladies snickered [in the same manner I did when she was calling Steve a douche] in what was about to be a total retreat from my previous ten minutes. My four passengers / new friends shared stories of their own hotel stories waits and dreaded key cards. In no time the conversation turned to the brilliant media model / psychotic girlfriend's antics.

“Were you trying to be the third person into that mess?” the audacious one in the group finally piped in.

“Don’t let that girl scare you, I’m just a simple Media Guy, I promise.”

“What was her problem?”

I told her that this is what occurs when you mix a little bit drunk, and dash of brilliance and a whole lot of crazy together. Weird Happens!

With that we all shared the bond of strange humor as the elevator reached the lobby and the line for new key cards was thirty deep.

Ah, new friends, power of riding the flow and tangentmakers.

Setting Up Shop in Paradise

From the forthcoming book: Landscapes of  Life.

I love my work, but I'd wager a lot that this Media Guy has said, "I need a vacation...STAT!" more often than I care to admit.

Last week I recalled the last time I was at the Aruba airport. I took an Insta-Poll with a throng of  tourists returning to Anytown, USA. It seemed that everyone was lamenting the same thing: how on Earth did I make the choice to live in ____________? (Fill in the blank yourself as the cities ranged from Boston to Houston to Des Moines.) The universal them was "why couldn't I live in paradise?"

That got me thinking. Why can't the Media Guy open an office in Waikiki? After all, resort towns offer opportunity after opportunity to entrepreneurs and the self-employed. Service professionals (NO! not those kind of service professionals! I mean journalists, doctors, plumbers, consultants,etc.) can all earn a cozy living in the most desirable tourist hot-spots around the globe.

That's when I reached out to John Berglund who was once a chief county prosecutor and then transitioned into a lobbyist and trade-association executive. At the end, he left the “rat race” for his Caribbean perfumery in St. Martin. Ah, paradise.

Dreams come true, but not through wishful thinking, says John Berglund, a corporate executive turned “flip-flop perfumer.”After successful careers as an attorney, lobbyist, trade-association executive and bowling industry magnate, Berglund tired of the corporate rat race.  He was also tired of winters bundled in layers of long johns, shoveling snow.

“Everybody has their own version of paradise,” says the author of A Beach Less Traveled: From Corporate Chaos to Flip-Flop Perfumer (www.abeachlesstraveled.com). “Whether it’s New York City, the Great Smokey Mountains or my personal favorite, the French-Caribbean island of St. Martin, paradise is within reach – with a little planning.”

An essential part of that was deciding what to do for a living once he got there. Berglund would embark on his new career path as a perfumer with his wife of more than 30 years, Cyndi. How did he do it? He shares the strategies that worked – and some that didn't.

• Dream big … and do it: Berglund remembers sunning on a pristine beach with his wife, listening to the gentle sounds of wind and turquoise seawater lapping on the shore. When Cyndi heard him order an adult beverage in French, she shook his arm to wake him for the morning commute to work … in the dead of winter in Wisconsin. He was dreaming – literally. “I’d always had a high standard of living, which I’ve enjoyed, but it was time for me to risk a completely foreign scenario – in terms of business and lifestyle – and follow this dream.”

• Business trends: Boutique perfumeries are where boutique wineries were three decades ago – they’re personal, fun and interactive, Berglund says. They’re not just about walking into a store and choosing a bottle from a shelf. He offers his customers a hands-on experience customizing their scents, and by using local ingredients, he offers visitors a meaningful souvenir of their stay. Berglund envisions his new business as a model at several vacation destinations.

• Fortitude amid real-world challenges: A dream is the spark to the journey, but moving to St. Martin, where the natives speak French and Dutch, and starting a business takes work. The hurdles for Berglund included the search for property, anxiety on closing the property deal, remodeling, acclimating to life there, obtaining a business license, moving and the language barrier. “These problems may be deal-breakers for many people, but part of the excitement of doing anything worthwhile is the fact that it’s not easy,” he says.

• A history of business sense: Creating an unprecedented cottage industry may seem like a long shot layered in wishful thinking. “But this isn’t my first rodeo,” Berglund says. “I’ve made several career moves throughout my life, and no matter how unlikely, I always came out okay.” He acknowledges, however, that he was in the right phase of his life to pull off such a change. Plan and prepare so you’re ready for change, he says. Risk is involved.

• Loved ones: Even though Berglund’s children were grown and he was capable of achieving his dream, he needed to make sure Cyndi was on board. “You can do all the planning and troubleshooting that is necessary for a dream to work, but the one thing that can change the minds of the most passionate is the opposition of a loved one,” he says. “It’s worth a discussion with your family early in the planning process.”    

So lesson learned...when your return flight comes calling on your next vacation, you may want to consider turning your paradise into a new way of life.